Scrapbooking--What's It All About and Why Do It?

Yes, I am a major league scrapbooker. This is a mom thing that I do that is fairly conventional, although of course not all scrapbookers are moms. I have been an official "scrapbooker" since my kids were about 7 or 8 months old and I bought my first Creative Memories supplies. However, I have really been a scrapbooker all my life; I just didn't know it. I don't have a lot of scrapbooks from high school or college, but I do have some things that have been gathered and stand the test of time. And I'm certainly a packrat--how many of you have your program from your high school graduation, including all the names?

Lucille Ball was actually a major league scrapbooker in the days before we had acid free paper and pvc-free page protectors and before we talked about "adhesives" instead of "glue." She saved everything, and put it into detailed scrapbooks, particularly after she married Desi Arnez and before they had children. They were Childless for the first ten years of their marriage (or Childfree, the politically correct term that we used to use in RESOLVE because you aren't "less" just because you don't have children, kind of like being "differently abled.")

I don't know why they were Childfree in those days before Birth Control and Infertility Treatment and I haven't seen her biography on A & E in a long time so I don't remember if this is explained, but it doesn't really matter. They eventually had Lucy Arnez and Desi Arnez Junior, and there is a wealth of material, photographs, programs, etc. about their early life together and the founding of their production company Desilu. Now you may not care too much about "I Love Lucy" or think it's kind of silly, but you must admit that this show is an iconic part of television history. So it's great to have all of this old material and I think it gives us a much more accurate picture of Lucille Ball.

Now I'm not famous like Lucille Ball and I don't aspire to be. In fact, my daughter Miranda told me today that she wants to be rich but not famous because if you are famous "no one will leave you alone." Even the kids in her class have realized that being a celebrity, especially in this paparazzi and Internet and instant Twittering age, is not all it was once cracked up to be. Make a few little mistakes in your personal life like Tiger Woods--one little fender bender in your driveway at 2 am--and the whole sordid story of your marital infidelity is plastered all over the grocery store. No thank you. I don't think any of us are perfect enough to live up to media scrutiny for long.

So, why scrapbook? Why do I collect all these pictures of my kids as babies and in their Halloween costumes and such? I also have scrapbooks of our vacations and scrapbooks of Scarborough Faire. If I can ever decide how to approach the project I will eventually have some SCA scrapbooks (it's hard because there are so many events and my camera is just not very good for taking pictures at them, plus I get so busy that I forget. Others take wonderful pictures but I don't necessarily know all the people in the pictures).

After all, my kids don't look at the scrapbooks very often, and my husband NEVER looks. They used to be interested when I got back from cropping but I've done it so often now that they don't even care. I think that they have come to accept that it is a mom getaway and it's more constructive than BUNCO. R also was pleased when I first started doing it because it wasn't nearly as expensive as my collecting hobbies, although of course that was before they invented $50 Cricut Cartridges. Little does he know.

And I do indeed have tons of supplies. And I am not the worst, although I probably had the most at the crop today (and was missing a bunch of stuff, which is what happens when you don't repack your stuff after a weekend retreat). There was a lady there tonight who wanted to leave early so that she could run by Hobby Lobby to get some embellishments that another lady had at the crop. I said, 'are you really going to use those by Monday, or can it wait until Monday?' She said she wasn't going to use them but she doesn't shop during the week, so she HAD to get them TONIGHT! They might be gone by next weekend.

Now an embellishment, for the non scrapbookers out there, is a sticker or three-dimentional sticker or some sort of page decoration (for example, silk flowers or heart stickers or three dimenstional cheerleading jerseys or something of that nature). It goes with some pictures that you either have in your possession or that you know you took at some time in some year. And you have to get it NOW because when you finally get ready to scrapbook those pictures and you want a three-D red cheerleading jersey to go with them, you won't be able to find one. I am really not kidding about this. I know you men out there think I am, but I am deadly serious. Get your embellishments while you can. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.

Robert Herrick would have made a great scrapbooker.

Now there are men who scrapbook but not very many. It's a chick thing. Of course some of it amounts to catching up with your friends and social networking, and sometimes it gets annoying when people start bragging on their kids or their trips to Bermuda or their new pools. So that's when you put on your Ipod, only I can't find that right now either.

The real point of it is to preserve your family heritage and your family history. For example, you put pictures of your child blowing out birthday candles in a high chair on a page or a 2 page spread (I always work in 2 page spreads but that's all the yearbook and newspaper training). You color coordinate the paper and embellishments (for this spread you need baby and birthday stuff, which is usually in bright colors like gold, red and turquoise for Disney Pooh or pastels for Classic Pooh. Pooh is a popular and unisex theme for first birthdays and we actually had a Disney Pooh birthday for the girls, not knowing we were being so conventional). Anyway, you cut the pictures and mat them and put them on great looking paper and add embellishments and journaling. Crop, Mount, Journal, Embellish, although a lot of us journal later or at home since that's the hard part for most people. Of course, I can write a paragraph and carry on a conversation at the same time, but I still add my journaling last. Don't know why but I just can't get around to describing what is going on until I know what the pages are going to look like and how much room I have. When I type up a bunch of narration in advance for a project, which I do for vacations in particular, the journaling ends up all through the book like a travelogue and it doesn't go with the pictures at all.

So, back to the Baby Pages. You write some trite little copy like: "Miranda enjoys blowing out her candles at her first birthday party! The Theme was Winnie the Pooh and Grandma made the awesome cake!"

Of course, you can imagine that I don't always write it quite like that. But sometimes I do when I am in a hurry and I am feeling lazy. You can write really profound copy if you try, however. Scrapbooking magazines mostly exist to sell paper, embellishments, and other products, but I have seen spreads and narration on suicide, cancer, post-partum depression, and a whole host of things that I don't really want to scrapbook. I actually don't want to write the really introspective stuff because it would be like this blog: I would start and go and go and go like the Energizer bunny. I have difficulty stopping. And I think that the blog is a better format for writing these introspective things anyway. Also, scrapbooking is history. Real, living history that is photo-based. The journaling is mostly important for the context of the photos, and for most of us, there is not enough space on a 12 x 12 page to put photos, embellishments, and lots of intropection; not unless we are using one photo per page like in the magazines. So we scrapbookers are somewhat shallow because we love playing with all the pretty paper and embellishments, and while the journaling is important, it is actually not the central focus. Creative Memories acts like it should be the central focus and they are probably right, but it's just not. Especially since most people can't write their way out of a paper bag, but even people like me are saying "what an awesome first birthday cake!!!" (GAG). It's true that sometimes I read these books and I do just want to gag ("Oh, _____, you are the sweetest little girl when you yawn.") I am sorry, but I can only go so far into Pleasant Valley Momdom--even I am not quite that shallow or sappy, even about my kids whom I adore.

Now I'm not saying that my kids' birthdays or your kids' bar mitzvahs or the Prom of 2010 is all that interesting in particular, but it is in fact living history. If you look at the pictures, you learn a lot about furniture, clothing styles, and values of the people who took them. All the focus on kid-oriented scrapbooking since the late 1990's says something interesting about our socieity: how kid focused we have become and how that affects what is important to us.

Of course, not everyone scrapbooks kids. My friend Patty and her husband Buzz just went on a cruise, and so she is scrapbooking that (Travel and Heritage are popular topics). She and Buzz don't have children but they have a lot of friends at their church, so she also scrapbooks church events, sometimes for herself and sometimes for the church (such as a welcome book for a new minister to help him meet people, or a farewell book as a gift for a minister who is transferring to another assignment). Her books also showcase old photos from her childhood (heritage) and tell us a lot about life in the 1970s and on, as well as about different locations.

Some people even scrapbook collections or hobbies, such as taking pictures of all the quilts they make for a scrapbook. This is because sometimes quilts are sold or given away, and the same sometimes holds true with other collectibles. Some of the different types of themes you can find in a scrapbook that is family oriented are: family yearbook, vacation, seasons, holidays, baby boy, baby girl, toddler, preschool, school days (elementary), middle school, high school (graduation, driving and prom), college,special activities such as dance, soccer, or even destination imagaination. You can scrapbook birthdays and times when you went to various places. You can be introspective and scrapbook the REAL truth about what is going on in your life (I don't do this because I don't always want my kids to read it). I even did a scrapbook as part of a Bible Study one time. We took the Proverbs verses about the virtuous wife who is more precious than diamonds, and scrapbooked how we fit in with or did not fit in with a more modern understanding of the Bible verse. You can do "faithbooking"--scrapbook pictures and use your bible to illustrate the pictures with biblical quotes.

It sounds like a lot of work and it is. It is more work than Golf. I can spend days doing this. I think I could even spend a week doing it but I'm not sure. Because when I do it, I am pretty intense usually. I am one of those annoying people who goes to retreats and gets 50 pages (or a whole large book) done. Of course, this only happens if I put in a number of hours on the front end getting ready for a retreat. If I get shortchanged like last time on my prep time, then I only get about 20 or 30 pages done at Retreat. Today I spent some more time putting together little snowman paper dolls, which has nothing to do with historic preservation but it sure takes your mind off your troubles.

And of course there is the shopping. There is a lot of purchasing products, looking on the Internet, checking out ebay, blogging about scrapbooking, doing yahoo groups on how to use the Cricut, etc. I've never gotten into this much--I'd rather do it than talk about it (kind of like sex). And there is a limit to how much shopping one can do on my budget, and I still can spend money in an extremely fast fashion (because when I was an attorney there was no time to shop, so I am a ruthlessly efficient shopper).

Some people have fancy bags or ribbon holders, or boxes for embellishments. I even have a cool box for the lucite blocks that I use for stamps. And if there was a fire, and the kids and the pets and the husband were OK, I want the photos and completed books first but I want all my supplies second. You can't get into heaven if you don't finish your scrapbooks! She who dies with the most supplies wins. I Scrapbook and there's nothing my husband can do about it. Camp Crop A lot. Eat, Sleep, Scrap. These are real t shirts, folks! It's a national obsession. The economy has hurt it some, of course, but people have always tried to do it cheaply on one hand, and lavishly on the other. Here, let me get a Cricut machine for $300 and some cartridges and I won't need to buy those expensive $4 embellishments. I can make my own. And I can make cards, and cut sheet vinyl, and all kinds of other cool things too.....in my spare time.

And there's the rub. There just isn't any spare time, especially around a house like mine. So we ladies buy all this stuff and then we haul it places for a few hours so we can get out of the house and crop. Some people do work at home on it but it is difficult to make it a regular habit. There is laundry, cooking, homework, cleaning, and activities and jobs that always get in the way.

But I think in the long run we are performing a valuable service, we historians with acid free adhesive and pvc free page protectors. We are preserving our own family memories for our children, but we are doing more than that. Some of these scrapbook pages will end up in the Smithsonian one day to show what live was like in these times. People don't write letters any more, just email, and I don't know how much email will be permanently archived. Phone calls aren't usually recorded (unless the FBI or police is involved or something else weird is going on). The scrapbooks, especially the regular old paper scrapbooks and not the digital ones on the pc, have the potential to represent our historical period.

Looking back on the ones that are 5 to 10 to 30 years old is the most important. I did a very small scrapbook with pictures from my grandmother's life one time. It starts about 1903 with a family portrait. Some of my pictures were color copies and were not that good, and I didn't have much from some periods of my grandmother's ife. My mom and I wrote the copy for it and she added stuff in later, so there are two different handwritings in it. It's not very fancy in terms of embellishments or paper used as it was one of my earlier ones. However, my grandmother looked at it before she died and though she had dementia, it did jog her memory ("I Had a photo just like this one !" she supposedly said--of course, it was a copy of her photo all along). When she passed away at age 99 a few years ago the first thing my mom wanted was for me to bring the scrapbook homs so it could be used in Nana's memorial service.

Once people are gone the photos are all we have left. I took photos at my nephew Will's wedding back in about 1995 or 1996. I have pictures of him with his grandparents the Naglys (now both deceased). I have pictures of Robert's Aunt Ruby and Uncle Arvelle (now both deceased). I have pictures of his Aunt Maurine, who is still very much alive and kicking, and Uncle Archie (he passed away this year). If I hadn't take these pictures and put them in a scrapbook, I don't know who would have done this and we would not have any semi-recent pictures of these people from our family.

There's a Lyle Lovett song: "We're all gonna be here forever. So Mama, don't you make such a stir. Put down that camera, and come on and join us, the last of the family reserve." It's about all the people in the family who pass away over time and how we don't realize it but our families are constantly changing over the years, and sometimes people who have passed on get forgotten.

So keep that in mind next time you want to throw out photos. At least label them and add some notes on the back (use a photo labelling pencil and not a ball--point pen or marker, which can soak through and also get on the fronts of other phtoos). If you have boxes, take a box a month and put some notes on the back for future generations. I am not saying that you need to scrapbook because if you aren't doing it already, you would have to give up something else in order to do it. And I am getting farther and farther behind because the SCA is now encroaching on my cropping life--somehow I need to find a way to do both and still deal with the day to day business of life.

But I hope that my hours and hours at this task will not be in vain. I know, I should be writing a novel or something, but then I can't play with the pretty paper!!

Pleasant Valley Mom, wanting to get back to the scrapbooking table and knowning that she really can't today

The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Morning

Well, this was indeed the Morning from Hell.

This is probably because it was the night from hell. R had to work on something from the time he got home until, basically, 3 am. So when he got home he was plugged into a conference call (his phone fits on his ear like a Borg implant). I had to leave at 5:15 to go pick up consignment and I sent one of the girls to tell him to cook dinner since I would not be able to cook until 6:30 (and we don't do fast food most of the time--very rarely). We do Dinner Station instead.

So the good news is that he had cooked the Dinner Station by about the time I got back, but by the time I hung up the leftover consignment clothes and picked up all the clean clothes off the floor of Miranda's closet and laid out some "Let It Snow" shirts for her to wear that she can't possibly wear after March 1 in Texas, and found her "money box" since she has bookfair tomorrow and and and--well, they had already finished dinner and he was going back upstairs on the conference call(I doubt if he ever got off it while cooking--it's a good thing he's one of those rare males who can multitask--the advantages of ADD!!)

Well, we don't know that he's ADD but we just suspect. Our whole house is ADD house. I think that Miranda and I are ADD too but we are better at hiding it. Our pefectionist tendencies come out instead. I managed to get through school pretty well and didn't realize I was ADD until recently, after reading some books on it and self-diagnosing. But when you have two ADD parents and identical biological twins--well, maybe we should have adopted after all.

We are seriously considering designing our SCA devices now that we both have our Awards of Arms and can have our own devices. Since R was born in the year of the Rooster according to the Chinese calendar and since he's the only male in the house (even the Westies are girls), we are thinking that he needs a Rooster on his device. Kind of like the Rooster in the henhouse, although it's not meant in a sexual way of course. But let's face it, men like to be the only Cock around. The girls and I could have hens on our devices in some form or fashion. And it plays into our favorite ADD joke, "Look, a chicken!" Also our church was founded on an old chicken farm and there is a section of the building that was all hand painted by the members, beautiful murals and rock climbing wall and what not, actually to save money on the construction (which was occurring about the time of the 9-11 recession). Anyway, because it was a chicken farm there is a chicken somewhere in the painting or decoration of every room (I think there's a rubber chicken in the kitchen for example). So the chickens tie in for us in a lot of ways.

Now that people have had roosters and such in their kitchens for a decade and it is becoming a less popular decorating motif that has filtered down to Wally-World and such, I am collecting Rooster and Chicken decorations. Bought a few in Canton at a Mexican restaurant when I was last there on retreat, and so on. Bought one on clearance at Hancock Fabrics (yet another Cock in my life!) And so on. I used to collect Architectural Digests and Decorator books and I even looked into becoming an Interior Designer in my spare time although I'm hardly flakey or artistic enough, but then we moved to the House on the Hill. And my husband got laid off four months after we moved here when his company closed their Dallas office, and had to work contract jobs for a year, and then he got laid off again afater 9-11 and had to take a pay cut after 7 months of trying to get back to a management job in Information Technologies, so anyway, the last room I actually decorated was the downstairs bathroom. From Kohl's clearance. In 2000. You think I'm kidding. Fortunately I have really nice stuff from the Days With Money, such as mahoghany furniture purchased in Canton and antiques from King Street in Charleston (that was our honeymoon, $300 candlesticks and such--ah, well, those were the days! What I couldn't do around here with about $20,000!!!)

So I have sold and given away the decorator books, which are out of date anyway. In fact, Half Price even told me they were composting them and I said, "Just pay me a pittance and don't tell me. I don't want to know." They even composted some of the old Martha Stewarts that I was getting rid of. I used to have all of her magazines from the very beginning but I got rid of them when we moved because with twins and no money, what was the point? But I recently picked up the back issues (most of them) for 2009 at Half Price and I am thinking it may be time to subscribe again. Especially since I am really contemplating buying that $23 set of Martha Stewart glitter (about 16 vials!) that is prominently featured in the magazine and on the scrapbooking aisle at Wally-World. Boy, I bet she is glad that her Kmart deal finally expired--she backed the wrong horse on that one.

So, what is the theme today again? Oh yes, the Terrible, Horrible No Good Very Bad Morning. Well, they said there was a 75% chance of snow. Now I knew the school district would probably not CANCEL school because they've already used up their two snow days (you folks up north and in Virginia have a good chuckle over that). So, I thought we would be going in late. I watched the ice dancing with my kids until at 10:30 they finally decided they were too bored to watch any more (Amelia was doing her homework until 9). She also had an endocrine appointment this morning in Dallas and R takes her, but we had a big argument about 2 am because I didn't want him to take her if it was icy, and these appointments are made 3 months in advance. They are impossible to get and she really needs to go in, but I did not want them in a ten car pile up on 35 this am.

So, I watched the ice dancing until I fell asleep (saw Canada and the US team that medaled but still have not seen the other US team or the Russians--tried again at 3am, hope it's on the DVR). And R tried to sleep for a while from about 1 to 2 am and then got paged and went back upstairs. That's the last thing I remember until about 7 am when he is waking me shouting, "It didn't snow! Get up, get up! The Alarm didn't go off!"

I don't set my alarm because it doesn't work well and I get up naturally between 4 and 5 am anyway, just like my mom used to. His alarm and his cell phone go off and if he doesn't get up (which he usually does) I go wake him and the kids around 6:30. I already have the coffee on and I've usually already done my blog post although I am a bit off schedule this week. But it's really hard to get up at 5 am when you went to sleep about 3 am (I was sewing for Gulf Wars until about 2 am). And now I SO NEED A NAP! And I have DI again today, maybe. If it doesn't snow and the kids don't get out of school early and if I can figure out how to have it when the kids are all sugared up from their delayed Valentine's Day party which is today.

So, Amelia and Miranda are getting up late. Miranda is freaking out and wanting to ride her bike (the tires are flat right now), even though it is snowing and I don't even know if she fits on the damn thing. She doesn't want to be tardy. Amelia is sitting wrapped up in a blanket staring into space. She doesn't wake up very quickly because she's a night owl and she doesn't sleep terribly well, like her dad, so she's a bit of a zombie in the morning. He can be too but because he's a grownup he has learned to overcome it most of the time.

M gets dressed, down the stairs in her Valentines' day shirt, eating breakfast, packing up her Valentines and her teacher gift (thank God these things are finally leaving my kitchen!!!) She has Bookfair today so she is checking to see that she has her bookfair money and I am fixing her instant grits and milk.

I got R to move the car inside the garage last night after moving the backdrop props from DI out of the garage and into my front hall, which you can barely walk through right now what with the Viking clay jewelry and fabric and DI backdrops and scrapbooking and the good dishes are still out on the dining room table from New year's/Valentine's Day, mostly to keep me and anyone else from putting other crap on the table. Maybe if I dust them I can keep them out until his birthday on April 6 and 7. I will explain that one some other time.

So now of course he decides to drive the Van to the doctor because it has better tires and traction control, which makes sense of course but I wish he had considered this last night--oh wait, we were cleaning up the garage and moving the car in while he was on his conference call and it was unlikely that the van would have fit back in the garage anyway--- so of course NOW he has to scrape the van. Fortunately we own a scraper that is from my law school days, because you can't buy them out here in Texas. No one stocks them. Or chains. Sometimes rock salt but usually you use sand or kitty litter out here. No snow shovels. No sleds. My kids have never been on a sled and when I got them Crissa the AG doll and her winter fun outfit with the little round coaster (I don't even remember myself what they are called but I had one, and I saw a picture recently on FB of Bryan Stephenson on one!) Well, anyway, when I got them this doll, they didn't even know what the coaster was for. Sad, sad, sad!!! But at least it's easier on my eczema.

Then he comes in and I am trying to email the teachers about Amelia's appointment and what she wants for lunch so they can order it. I hear R yelling at A upstairs--why are you just sitting there! Your appointment is this morning! I go back to the email of the teachers, get interrupted again. A finally comes downstairs in leggings and a shirt that is above her rear (in other words, not appropriate for school--this kid has the cutest clothes in the world but absolutely no fashion boundaries). I tell her to put her Valentine's gift for her teacher in her backpack but too late, she has dropped it on the floor. Since it's three Valentine's Day candleholders from Wally-World one is now broken. Fortunately I bought myself a set so I can sub out the one broken one after they leave and take it over to school later. I already have to go to the Valentine's Day parties to take pictures and to the bookfair, ,which ends tomorrow, to return the book light A got that doesn't work (the batteries, included, are dead). Don't know what to do about this little thing but I really just want my $8 back. Now I need to repack the gift after they leave and give up one of my little tchotkey candle holders.

So they go to school, probably on time. Then R is back with Amelia--she forgot her glasses. She didn't take her medication. She didn't use her steroid inhaler. She probably didn't brush her teeth, her hair or use deoderant either so God knows what they will think down at the endocrine office because she didn't take a bath last night either--maybe they will think he is a single parent. I am afraid I have been very neglectful of her in the last 24 hours but she is 10--she ought to be able to at least remember her glasses, which she has worn since 2nd grade.

I get her a pair of pants to put over her leggings in the car (two choices because of course I know she won't like one). She did take a coat. I make sure she has her valentines. I agree to bring the gift to the party (OK, now I really do have to go). I make sure she has her M & M's for the party and remind her that they are peanut so to tell the moms not to serve them if there are any peanut allergies (they were out of regular when I bought them two weeks ago at the last minute because I hadn't actually volunteered to bring anything. They were supposed to be for M's party but I saw on Friday that they already had their m & m's and we already ate one of the bags anyway so I will send them to A's party--I have found that if I just lay back and don't volunteer right away like all the other perky moms I can usually get away with not sending anything for the parties but I do feel a little guilty--I was a room mom in kindergarten and was really gung ho. What happened???) Well, more about that later, but let's just say I'm not room mom material.

They finally head out to the appointment after 8 and I remind my husband to take it slow and not rush, and call to say that they are on their way but will be late because of the weather. I hope he takes my advice and slows down to 70 or so--he's a notorious speeder. He will probably be careful today. Then I send them on their way. A has her glasses, her meds, her breakfast to eat in the car because she didn't have time to eat her grits, even her milk (I think she took it--I guess I will go drink it in a minute if not). She has her backpack. She has her Valentines. She has her assignment for later. I have her gift and the item that goes back to the Bookfair. Geez, I'm going to be doing this stuff for this kid until she's about 25, I guess. Maybe even though they are twins I can send them to college at different times--I would probably have a better result. R didn't go to college until later and it was probably the best thing for him too. In fact, he is five years older than I am and he didn't graduate from college until 1986, the same year I graduated from law school. He was WORKING in the 70's!!! We joke about this a lot because he LIVED the disco era--I was just in high school. He was out in the bars listening to a lot of really bad music. He doesn't dance much (bad knees, you know) but if he does, it ain't to disco!

Pleasant Valley Mom YAWNING>>>>>OK, just heard from R. They are there on time. Now I can go back to bed with the doggies.



And people wonder why I don't work full time?????????

February Madness, Destination Imagination Style

We don't have March Madness around my house even though I do like college basketball. This is a holdover from a previous relationship. I used to be able to do those pools at work and end up in or close to in the money every time, but I have let me knowledge slip away and now I am not nearly as familiar with the coaches (the key to college basketball) as I once was.

But we do indeed have February Madness, also known as Destination Imagination. This program used to be called Odyssey of the Mind for those of you old-timers. The kids on the team pick a challenge in the fall and spend all year working toward the goal of doing an 8 minute presentation at tournament. You would think that this wouldn't take very long to prepare for, but you would be wrong. The kids are supposed to do ALL the work; the coach or Team Manager is just a facilitator. I even took various ones of them shopping with me when we had to buy materials, although I drew the line at taking them to Perth Street where the discount fabric stores are located (I did get them some $1 a yard fabric though!) The parents out here wouldn't like it if I took their little darlings down there, since it's off of Harry Hines. This is kind of like the Red Light District in the DFW area, and most people who live out here in Pleasant Valley have never been there, so they are scared of it. I guess they think someone is going to steal their Rolexes or something if they go down there, but since the only Rolex I ever owned was a Hong Kong knockoff, it doesn't scare me much. They are more than welcome to the less than $20 in my purse, and if they can figure out a way to get money out of those debit cards, more power to them. I have a scrapbooking friend who quilts but she refuses to go down there with me, even though the fabric stores are only open during the day, but she would be amazed at the deals.

Although some of the Destination Imagination challenges are more scientific and technical (for example, requiring the kids to build a device that sends hacky sacks over a wall for points, or a robot), our group usually picks the theatre arts related challenge. They are an excellent improv group but they never pick the improv challenge because they want to MAKE stuff!!! This year with all the cold weather and the garage being a mess (never got it fully cleaned up after Harvest Fest because the weather got nasty--got the camping gear reorganized but there's still SCA crap out there in piles)--well anyway, it has been a challenge this year. They had to make a puppet and they decided on a large one. I can't say what yet because the tournament is March 6, but after Tournament I will share all of our secrets. They also have to do a live art form on stage that relates to the character flip or change in point of view that has to be in their story. They have come up with a great idea for a story and a decent script, after much research and angst. I thought we were going to have to paint our backdrop outside yesterday but they even decided on their own to use markers and scraps of felt and craft foam to decorate it, and they did one of the backdrops from a picture that one of the girls had drawn. I am going to attach her picture to my tournament forms because these little fourth grade girls (not my two but two others on my team) can draw better than I can. I am not very good at drawing and these kids could kick my butt at it--I could never have drawn what they did yesterday, not in a million years. My own kids worked on the technical and decorative aspects of the puppet, and the script yesterday. They have inherited our brains and creativity but unfortunately they have also inherited our lack of drawing talent.

We also have to practice instant challenges. For an instant challenge, the kids are taken to a room where appraisers read them a challenge. They generally have 4-5 minutes to use some random materials (like straws, paper clips, etc) to build something and plan a performance around it, then about 2 minutes to actually perform. Sometimes our team is awesome at this and sometimes they don't get it and it's a big mess. This is worth up to 100 points at tournament so it is important to practice and practice and practice, but at this time of year there is so much to do! I don't let them start building and making stuff until January because I don't want my house torn up at Christmas, but now all bets are off.

We have a backdrop sitting in my foyer on a lovely piece of warped plywood. It's propped up by a table where I am trying to make clay Viking brooches (and I am finding out that carving Viking designs in clay is not really something that I am particularly good at! Maybe I'll get the fourth graders to do it.) Plus Gulf War fabric all over the living room, with the feast gear and period games and embroidery stuff and calligraphy stuff and Ministry of Children stuff and God knows what else. I will say again, if you want to visit me, I need 30 days notice. Really.

The dining room table still has the good china on it from our brief Valentine's dinner. The china has been there since New Years so I think it is probably time to put it away now. I don't think I am going to leave it out until April (R's birthday), and we have precious little to celebrate after that as all family birthdays will then be done until the following January.

Every year I say in January that i am going to take a cake decorating class, but then by April, the desire passes into the wind like bad gas. I make the girls a coconut cake based on Grandma's recipe (I have to refrigerate this cake and I have the Tupperwear cake taker just for this purpose). I don't make myself a cake and I didn't even get one this year because we had Twelfth Night that day and no one like my husband thought about getting me a cake, and I refused to buy my own, so no birthday cake for me this year. I didn't really care that much but it would have been nice. I did make a boar's head out of rice krispy treats and frosted it so I guess I really did make my own cake, but we didn't eat this. The frosting was gray and I used some old black food coloring to achieve this, so I really didn't want to eat it. We sliced some of it up at DI the following Tuesday and we all said, "Yuk!!" and threw it all away. If you think blue and magenta cakes are nasty, just wait until you try a 4 day old gray Boar's Head rice krispy treat cake. I will probably just buy R a cake because I don't think he will care one way or the other whether I make one from a mix or not (I don't usually do scratch and even grandma's cake starts with a mix). I can do a cake from scratch, but we don't need a lot of extra desserts around here so my dessert skills are rather weak. My cookie sheets are shot (probably because I keep using them for trays for rain boots and crafts, not cookie sheets), so even my Christmas cookies suck. Every year about November I think about getting some new cookie sheets with Martha Stewarteque sillipat mats (rubber mats that aid in baking and don't melt in the oven), but that desire always passes, again like bad gas, by New Year's. Well, maybe this year. I haven't been to Williams Sonoma since I quit working full time but we did get married more than 15 years ago and maybe it is time for some new fancy WS or Pampered Chef gear. In my dreams!

Well, seems like I am just rambling today. Last year for DI the kids made a tree using girl scout cookie boxes and chicken wire and paper mache. They did bark out of brown paper and painted it, and made a hole in it for the Featured Creature using cardboard and duct tape. Miranda was the featured creature and had feathered wings (fortunately she got sick the week of the tournament and I made her sit there with a fever and glue her wings together, feather by feather, but we got a great score on her costume!) This year we are trying to focus on the key elements of the challenge and on the instant challenges so we don't do too much extra work that doesn't get graded, but we will see what happens. It is a hell of a lot of work for 8 minutes, but DI isn't really about the tournament or even winning (the scoring is extremely subjective even on things that could be seen as objective, so you really can't predict how you are going to do). DI is more about the Process of Learning how to do things and learning teamwork. And our whole house is more Process than Product right now, let me tell you!!

I did get my Valentine's Cards and the Birthday Card made at 3 am on Valentine's Day (couldn't sleep again so I got up and did these things since I was too tired right when we got home from Kingdom A & S). I dropped my Dotto adhesive and broke it though (broke the wheel off the whole container somehow), and now I need more in order to put together the damn snowmen. One of my new Cricut cartriges has lots of snowmen on it, kind of like snowmen paper dolls. I thought it would be fun but it's a nightmare putting these suckers together!! I can see why it's Limited Edition cartridge--it's damned hard to do, and by the time everyone figures it out, they will be all sold and off the market. I have snowmen pieces all over my scrapbook table (and they have been there since I returned from my scrapbook retreat almost a month agao). The plan was: put these snowmen together in about an hour the day after returning from retreat, and get back into the Christmas scrapbooking. Well, a month later it still looks like a terrorist attack on a colony of snowpeople on my scrapbooking table, and I just keep shunting it aside. I am about ready to put the whole damn mess in a baggie and move on with my life. Especially now that I broke my dotto adhesive, and my acid free gluestick is all dried out for some reason, and my glue pen isn't working (and I hate those anyway), so I really don't know how in the hell I am supposed to glue these tiny pieces together.

So, at Kingdom A & S the other day there was pewter casting, wood working, weaving, sewing (a whole dress and all four layers, even undergarments, made totally by hand), basketry, medicine (cough syrup), calligraphy and illumination, middle eastern cooking, blacksmithing, a variety of sewing and jewelry projects, etc. etc. There were over 50 entrants and it was AWESOME!!! Maybe I cn actually do something for it one day if I can ever figure out how to get the snowmen and my dreadful attempts at Viking Brooches off my work table.

Well, a mysterious alarm is going off somewhere in the house (I think it's the DI stopwatch) so I hope I haven't bored everyone to death today. This is the time of year when I get really serious about DI so I'm just not feeling very funny today. Plus I know I have to go to the dentist this morning, and have the DI kids this afternoon, and we are almost out of Crown after Valentine's Day, so that sort of stinks. That stuff is now about $25 a bottle and I feel like I just bought one, but I may be hitting the liquor store again on Friday. After all, it's just across the street from the girl scout store, and I'm sure there's some reason I need to go there (oh, yes, to sign up to rent a COOKIE Costume for our booth sale March 8!!!)

By the way, Girl Scout cookies will be here Wednesday so if anyone is interested, please know. I have to pay for them March 10th and we are selling some at All Con, but that's not until March 13th. I would really like to be able to pay for them on time so I will be selling them as fast as I can. They freeze well (at least I have told my husband this because he doesn't fully know how many he is buying yet). This year we made it almost all year with cookies--used the last box of Thin Mints up about 2 weeks ago. So I am ready for more! I don't buy any other cookies year round except for a few Oreos now and then--we just eat Girl Scout cookies all year. So that's why I don't have to learn to make desserts!

Pleasant Valley Mom, mired in Destination Imagination and other obnoxious projects

Godzilla Meets God at the Gucci Wally-World

Well, I feel like Mohammed; I've been to the Mountain. I've been to the Gucci Wally-World for two days in a row. The first day I spent lots of money and the second day I tried to take the store tour without spending very much (had to go back to do returns and because I forgot my sweet potatoes). After all, I know that french store Tar-jay backward and forward because I worked there for about six months(I know that's not a French spelling but my keyboard doesn't DO accents). Why not Wally-World?

This is not just ANY Wally-World. This is the Gucci Wally-World. It is located a few miles away near some very toney, lovely homes that used to be on a lake. The lake is still there but it has receded and receded, and now many of these folks have lovely meadow-front property. Nevertheless, when it was proposed to build a Wally-World in their town, some of them fought it tooth and nail. It needed to be the nicest Wally-World you ever saw in your life. It is probably the biggest tax revenue generator they have--I wish it was across the street in MY town.

And it is the biggest, nicest, brightest Wally-World you ever saw. It has two separate entrances, one for people who are just browsing like me today (the non food stuff) and one for the serious shoppers (the grocery stuff). I can tell you that you will sell three times as many Girl Scout cookies at the grocery entrance during Cookie Season. You have to sign your GS Troop up for those cookie booths at 6:30 am a month in advance on the day the booths hit the system by the way, because you can sell 200 boxes of cookies there in 2 hours. Seriously. These customers have the bucks!

This Wally-World is beige, not that obnoxious shade of Wally-World blue. Both of my vehicles are beige so I understand the need for a little beige in the Suburban existence. It keeps you from standing out too much. It's classier. Although my mini van does have a dent in it, one that has been there for almost 10 years. I could get this repaired if I wanted to spend $300 or more, but I don't. It's not just because I can ALWAYS think of a better way to spend $300. With a dent in it, my beige van stands out in the Wally-World parking lot (meaning that someone directionally challenged like me, who is always thinking about something else other than what she is really doing--call it a defense mechanism--can find her van with a cart or two full of groceries). And that dent, coupled with an UpWard Cheerleading sticker from 3 years ago that is magnetic, does indeed help me find the van. It also says: "Suburban mom, doesn't care about appearances or is broke. You guess which one!"

UpWard Cheerleading being a Christian cheerleading program for kids that is sponsored by our church, the sticker is subtle. It says to the world, Suburban mom, Christian (or at least tried to be for one season), but not too uptight about it (unlike the people with the metal fishes on their cars that are permanent--my neice had the one with feet that said "Darwin.") My husband considers himself a Christian (I think) but if he were to choose a fish I know it would be the Darwin one. So no fish for us. It's not Lent on our car. When I first moved to Dallas I actually asked the guy I was dating where everyone was getting their fishes and was it a particular car dealership that used a fish as its symbol? (I just didn't get it, needless to say.) After that, every time we saw a car with a fish on it, he would laugh and say, "Look, there's another car from the Fish Dealership!" It was kind of like our family joke today, repeating Miranda's classic line, "Why are there so many BOATS in the Marina????" We do this any time anyone in the family asks a really stupid question or makes a really lame comment.

My husband also hates bumper stickers or anything that identifies who you are, who your kids are, what your religious or political persuasions are, etc. etc.--wouldn't even let me put a flag on the car after 9-11 when it was en vogue. But UpWard Cheerleading stays because it's MAGNETIC and therefore not permanent. Presumably it could fall right off if I take a sharp corner. But Soccer Mom of Straight A Students at X Elementary who voted for McCain/Obama will not be appearing on our vehicle any time soon. Well, I'm not a soccer mom any more anyway, so that's OK by me. I keep trying to persuade him that we do need to take a stand and get the SCA sticker before Gulf War in case we break down on the road, but so far, no such luck.

I also find it vaguely amusing in that sarcastic way of mine, even though my kids enjoyed theUpward program, that the one thing on my car is this magnetic sticker advertising cheerleading. Because I am so NOT a cheerleader, and my girls don't realize it yet but they are so NOT cheerleaders too. Well, Miranda could be because she looks good in a potato sack (just cinch it up!) but maybe she will not figure this out. Or at least I hope I am raising them that way. And this was so NOT a traditional cheerleading program--they just cheer for UpWard, not any one team. They all wear the same uniform (all the flag football teams and all the cheerleaders). Girls can play flag football and boys can be cheerleaders too, although I've never seen any boys do this in Pleasant Valley (we don't have cross-dressing, gender confused children here! Not in our town!) I have heard of girls playing the flag football, but that was in a family of five kids where the rule was that they all had to do the same activity in a season to keep the mom from going bonkers. In Upward, they don't announce who wins the game or even what team is playing (they are all on the UpWard team, get it???) So, how beige can you get???? Flag football becomes non-cmpetitive, and of course, cheerleading always has been, right?

Well, back to Wally-World--this Wally-World has a park!! Seriously, they dug out an area between the two entrances to save a giant live oak, and built a little park around it. The little park even complies with the Americans With Disabilities Act and has little wheelchair ramps (although they are pretty steep), which all the little girl scouts enjoy running up and down, especially with the cookie wagons (the trolley things you are supposed to use in the gardening center). This is one reason NOT to sell cookies there--the girls will want to spend all their time running around in the park instead of asking strangers for money.

This Wally-World has beautiful, gleaming merchandise like you have never seen in a Wally-World. Rose petals for your wedding in seven different colors (got lavender and green on clearance to use for scrapbooking and card making--originally $5 each, now only $1 each). I might make some little fairy swaps or dolls out of the leftover wooden clothespins I saw in the craft bin at home, using these petals as dresses or wings or something. Who knows? The sky is the limit.

Martha Stewart scrapbooking paper--wow! And products featured on her Martha Stewart Infomercial (her noon show). Look, there's the glitter pack that was featured at Christmas! Only $15!! (did not get it; settled for $8 of scrapbook paper. Hate to clean up glitter in the house and it's the last thing we need all over our Gulf War garb; plus I don't need to make glitter birds and fruits and things for Christmas for at least 10 months now).

Need M & M's for the school party tomorrow--well, the chocolate ones are already gone and the candy is pretty picked over. I note that the candy boxes like I got last week for the Valentines are almost gone too. It pays to shop early at Wally-World! This is the most popular aisle today (seasonal) because all the school parties are this week. Oh, look--Harry Potter valentines! Should have gotten those instead of those lame holographic dogs. Maybe next year. Harry Potter is now acceptable at the Gucci Wal-Mart and in Pleasant Valley since he was more of a Christ-like figure in Book 7, sacrificing himself for his friends, etc. Now that it is clear to all the Christians out here that there is fake witchcraft based on bogus Latin spells and there is real evil, personified by Voldemort. But I digress.

OOOOOH! Look at all the cool office supplies! (yesterday I went through the business grocery end--blechh--but today I am having fun and taking the recreational tour). Yes, here's the boring computer paper I forgot yesterday, for only $3.37. But oooooo! Here's a poster of Taylor Lautner on the cover of Rolling Stone. I'm too old to get Rolling Stone any more but I'm not too old to appreciate the charms of Taylor Lautner. He sure has filled out since Shark Boy. The girls call him Shakob (a combination of Shark Boy and Jacob, his character in New Moon). Oh, my! Drool, drool! (Ok, Ok, I know he's young enough to be my son but I can still fantasize, right?) I won't get into it here although it's tempting, but don't you think you'd rather sleep with the warm, furry wolf that was your friend than the cold, bloodsucking vampire who is trying to resist killing you? Just a thought. But I get cold easily in the winter. Cute as Robert Pattinson is (the girls call him Ced-ward based on the Harry Potter Character of Cedric that he played in Goblet of Fire, known as "Giblets of Fur" in our home)--well, cute as he is, the idea of sex with someone who is--uh--that cold ALL over-- is not very appealing, at least to me. But I digress.

On the the REAL sewing aisle. The other day I got some scissors and a thread box and all sorts of little "notions" that will help me pretend that I am really a seamstress when my friend Viviana comes over to cut out fabric with me for Gulf Wars. So, nothing today, and I will skip the jewelry supplies with their gleaming beads and crystals. I started to get into that hobby but I am not into that today. Let's see--can skip automotive--got the Scotchguard for the tent there already. Looking through all the cheap towels and blankets and rugs--no, don't want to spend this much for rugs for Gulf War--I can probably borrow them instead from a friend. These are for use indoors (who would use rugs indoors anyway--aren't they for camping??) So no rugs today, and why would I want to decorate my house when I am focused on decorating my tent at Gulf Wars??? I really need to hit World Market o the next Dreaded Pay Day.

Skipping the camping equipment too--got Robert his Valentine's Day present there the other day (I can't say what it is in case he is reading, but Robert, it's not the $160 tent!) Looking through toys--still out of the $7.44 Zhu Zhu pets. Bummer. It's a good thing I made Robert go by a different Wally-World on the way home from work so we could have a gift for Sunday's birthday party. Skipping the movies--too much temptation. I want Julie and Julia and the three seasons of the old Beauty and the Beast show--and for $55 this could all be mine!! But I haven't finished all the BBC Robin Hoods yet or even made it through my Cricut video so I guess I will stay away. Maybe I will get some of it for Valentine's Day instead of flowers--hint, hint. Electronics--yuk. That's for men and women looking to meet men. Skip it. Clothing--already got the $10 boots on clearance the other day. Don't think they got in any more kids boots--we are done for the season unless we want purple, and it's not very Period. Already got the men's underwear and pjs to wear under our clothes (they don't have anything this utilitarian for me so I will just have to squeeze my bust into men's stuff to attain that medieval bust line). Brought back the stuff that didn't fit and got my sweet potatos refunded (they actually have a LOG of stuff that get's left behind! How cool! I don't think Tar-jay did that!)

Well, the fun is almost over. I already got $1.50 plastic tablecloths for Saturday's Kindom A & S event (it's for the kids' area--otherwise I would use fabric). I know they are cheaper at the dollar store but I don't want to go there today--way too much temptation at the dollar store for someone who is already buying green rose petals. And Wally-World doesn't have fabric any more, and I want some linen for a gift; I had some cheap linen but now I have decided I want that for my embroidery, so on to Hancock Fabrics to buy some expensive linen, even at 30% off.

Time to check out at Wally-World after a few food items are added to the cart. Did you notice that they have brown stained concrete floors? Looks great, nice and cheap (and hell on my feet). Did you notice the flourescent lighting and skylights to keep down the light bills (it beats keeping the lights off for 4 hours every morning like they used to do at JCP). Did you notice the fresh flowers, the sushi bar, the bakery goods that are all shiny and gleaming? Too pretty to eat. Does nayone actually buy them or are they made out of plastic like the sushi displays in the Japanese restaurants in San Francisco? How about the "to go" area for those who don't cook--soups, and salads and all sorts of lovely, overpriced but ready to eat merchandise. Pick up dinner in a second (well, not today--we have stuff at home already). Did you notice that if they aren't busy they will take your cart from you in the parking lot so you don't have to put it up yourself? Did you notice the secondary seasonal aisle across from the groceries--it was the SuperBowl one stop shop only a week ago, where I bought Rotel and Velveeta that I still haven't even used (can't stand Velveeta except when it is microwaved with Rotel to make queso, and then it's AWESOME!!)

This week "mini seasonal" as we used to call it at Tar-Jay is focused on last minute Valentines' gifts for people who want to spend less than $10. (This is actually the point in real life where I actually had to go back across the store again and get the M & M's for the party because the kid's party stuff was in the Seasonal section across the store, in order to get all the moms to walk by the scrapbooking stuff. So I walked by the scrapbooking stuff TWICE).

So, back across the store cursing silently. No matter how efficient I try to be I just don't know the store well enough to avoid backtracking. Screaming kid in the background-- sounds like Godzilla--and I am reminded that it is Wally-World after all. Should have brought my i-pod like my friend Wendy does, but then I might have missed something like that deal on green and lavender rose petals. By God, I love retail!!!!

Zombie Mom and the Dreaded Pay Day

Zombie mom here again. Yes, this time I truly do feel like Night of the Living Dead. I wish I could tell you that this is a hangover, but even I don't get hung over after a cranberry juice and vodka or two (good for bladder health or so they tell me).

I was a bad bad girl last night. No, I didn't stay up late pleasing my husband or anything fun like that. I was a bad bad girl because I stayed up late sewing for Gulf Wars and catching up on LOST and American Idol, WITH the light on because I needed it for sewing, while Hubby tried to sleep.

Gulf Wars is a big SCA Event down near Lumberton, Mississippi every spring. We have been in the SCA for 2 1/2 or so years and have never gone. It is a week-long melee battle or series of battles, but there are also classes, shopping, children's activites--you name it. For a WEEK!! Sometimes it does not coincide with our spring break but this year it does. The girls have been begging to go for more than a year so we are going to give it a try.

Now, this getting ready for WAR (in the middle of Destination Imagination, Cookie season and Girl Scout Thinking Day, not to mention the big spring Consignment Sale) is going to KILL me!!! I am literally working every minute of every day on something. Cleaning up the barbies, getting the stuff done to present the WAGGS patch, researching Coloumbian food for Thinking Day, talking people into buying cookies (hope I can talk them into paying on time too)..you name it but Supermom, who is turning into Zombie Mom by the minute, is doing it. A friend said I am overcompensating for not working as a lawyer. Well, I don't have time to see a shrink, but maybe she is right.

Another friend is kindly helping me by doing a lot of sewing of garb for the family. "Garb" is the name for the costumes that we will wear during Gulf War--at least one per day unless it pours rain like two years ago. Having been to Scarby over an extremely rainy Memorial Day weekend (but having a nice hotel at the end of the day, not a tent), I wholeheartedly agree--take all the clothes we have and then add as much as we can possibly afford to make between now and then. My friend works full time and takes on too much because she's one of these incredibly talented people, and maybe she is overcompensating for something in her life too. Anyway, I am doing the handsewing and I will help her in any way I can, but if I have to sew them together it will be a miracle if we are ready for Gulf War 2011. Seriously.

I am not a seamstress and I really hate sewing machines. I don't like noisy machines anyway, including vaccuums. I even dislike motorcycles and have never been on one (and probably never will). Leafblowers. Snowblowers. Ick Ick Ick. Hate noise pollution, HATE it. Only watch tv during the day or have it on if there's an ice storm or I am doing laundry; otherwise, I MIGHT listen to a little music, but I love silence. I have other reasons why I don't like sewing, mostly relating to the fact that my mom is a wonderful seamstress and I could just never get the hang of it (or felt like I couldn't, or felt like what I did wasn't good enough, so I gave up). I wish I could tell you that this was my mom's fault but it probably wasn't-- I don't specifically remember any criticisms at all, and in fact I remember her telling me after I took a class that I was a good seamstress and should stick with it. Since I did this class about the same time I took typing and I am a really excellent typist, she was probably right. I probably just deep down don't like the noise.

So Zombie Mom did hand sewing from 10 pm to 2 am on a gauze dress. Love gauze for the faire; hate sewing on it by hand. It's thin and light and my pins won's stay in it, plus I am not very good at hemming these very wide and long skirts. But it's an underdress for the girls, and it's in Ansteorra gold, and my friend even gave me the fabric, so I really can't complain. I just wish the damned thing was done this morning so I could move on to something that is easier for me to sew on. I started with it first because I knew I was going to hate it but I didn't think I'd still be working on it today.

It's also the Dreaded Pay Day. Now, Pay Day is nice because then you get money. But Dreaded Pay Day is tough because I have to run around like a maniac all day doing errands and using up my husband's paycheck before there isn't enough left to buy groceries. It's so much pressure!!! I think he really felt it last time when he got stuck doing all the Dreaded Pay Day errands while I was on Scrapbook Retreat. He had 9 errands to do, and no, they did not all get done--now, 2 weeks later, I am still doing them, AND getting fleece for cloaks and blankets, and going grocery shopping at Wally World (read Wal-Mart), and going to the liquor store (about time--this errand has been skipped for about three paychecks). And I have a church luncheon at 11 on how to keep God in my marriage (why? Did he leave? I thought three in a marriage was a bit crowded, as Princess Diana said).

Sorry to be sacreligious--I wouldn't be going if I didn't think it would be good. These luncheons at my church are excellent and good for the soul. And I don't have any objection to keeping God in my marriage, although I don't know if my husband wants him there. Is God there during sex? I am not sure I want to think of this in the middle of...well, anyway, time to sign off and drink some coffee.

Pleasant Valley Mom