I can't write long today because I have to go pack my scrapbooking stuff for a crop at 10 am. Somehow I have put off doing this until today, sewing on an impossible dress last night instead. I am just like my mom--I hate sewing on fabric I didn't pick out that I don't like that much. I have worked on this dress for about three nights now (it's a freebie that my friend Vivianna made for one of my girls from a remnant she had, and it's nicely made--I should be grateful). At any rate, the fabric is synthetic and it's difficult to hem, etc. so I finally pulled the whole mess out and decided that I am tired of working on the dress. I have hemmed the neckline and the sleeves and added lace trim, and cut it off because it was way too long for M and taken the shoulders up twice in different ways, then let them down again twice because it didn't hang right, tried it on A and it didn't work for her either, and finally told M to wear a shirt under it if she thinks it's too low cut. Actually she tried it on yesterday and I think it is fine even without the shoulders taken up. So I cut it off so she wouldn't trip on it because it's hard to put a big hem in it due to the fabric (it pulls and puckers so it would need more trim to cover that up, and I don't have any more of that lace). Now even putting a small hem in it is a nightmare. The pins won't stay in and it won't stay rolled and of course I am handsewing and I am not exactly great at it, although I am improving. It needs to just be serged again like Viv did it initially but I don't have a serger, so I just ironed a small hem. I may have to go and get some of that iron on tape that Fiona was recommending. After all, the dress is synthetic with modern lace trim so it's not exactly an Arts and Sciences project, but I have put so much time into fixing it up that it might as well be.
I am just too picky. Most people would have cut off the bottom and sleeves, hemmed the neckline and let the kid wear it ragged. It is, after all, a free dress. But I of course want it to look good on my daughter. Fortunately this is the potato sack daughter. She would look good in a potato sack (just cinch it!!!) And in fact that is kind of what this is, a blue/green potato sack with lace trim. Actually, if I know M, when she wears it she will look like a million bucks. It's actually a pretty good color for her. She's just one of those people. She doesn't have perfect hair because it's curly and all over the place, and it's not a great cut because she's growing out her bangs and doesn't want her hair layered. But she's pretty gorgeous nonetheless. Amelia is very cute too but she is thinner so she has a different look going on, plus she is not a potato sack girl. Clothes just don't fit her in that easy way--everything she puts on looks too big or too small. Well, not everything but it really needs to be just about perfect in order to look right on her, and that's hard when you are a size 8 in height and a size 6 in weight. What really works is size 7 clothes that were a little too big initially and have shrunk a bit, and then wear boots to keep the pants from looking too short. Not so easy to come by those.
Well, enough about fashion. I'm such an expert, anyway. I watch that "What Not To Wear" show and just cringe. I hate that Stacy witch. When they throw out everyone's favorite clothes and replace them with impractical, expensive clothes that require dry cleaning I just want to laugh. The next time I have $5,000 I won't be spending it on my wardrobe. Maybe I will go to Scotland. Isn't it interesting that I hate the female host but the male host (whose name I can't even remember--he's a bit of a milktoast)---well, he doesn't bother me. Clinton. That's his name. He even seems kind of nice, like a good person to have coffee with or something. Of course, he's probably gay, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be a good person to have coffee with, just coffee without the "tea or me" part.
So, isn't it interesting that even I resent the strong woman and the man doesn't get on my nerves? Even on a stupid tv show? (By the way, R leaves the room if this show is on so I don't watch it often--I think he hates both of them).
Well, fashionistsas, that's all for now. Write with your comments about the fashion industry. It's certainly interesting even though it's extremely shallow. But then appearances are always shallow, aren't they? Don't we all just wear costumes every day? Think about it. Bow ties, long ties, button down collars, designer workout gear, Juicy Couture sunglasses, Prada handbags, Scarborough Faire Motorcycle t shirts with dragons on them. Whatever you wear to work or to shop in or even to hang around in the house in reflects a certain image. My hair is in the SCA mode right now, long and unruly, and it says, "I'm not really a suburban mom. I'm different." (In my town that probably means I look like I'm a Satanist instead of the Christian that I really am. I do have a cross up in my foyer but it's made of real barbed wire so it's just a little uncomfortable for people-- no hearts and flowers here on my cross. And there's a headhunters' mask from New Guinea in the family room--I see it as my own personal welcome sign).
See, if people know what they are looking at in my house I definitely send out some mixed signals. You can learn more about me from my house (artifacts in it, not the actual house) than my clothes.
I even wore my Scarby motorcycle shirt over to SCHOOL the other day although I did zip up my jacket so I wouldn't scare the other moms. I am not exactly the Harley culture anyway since I hate motorcycles (I hate the noise and the danger, not the idea of freedom). I'm not free anyway so why should anyone else be free? None of us are really free. But black with a motorcycle and a dragon? Well, why not? (actually this may be R's shirt--I don't remember).
So, if you are married just wear your husband's clothes today and confuse the hell out of people.
Pleasant Valley Mom, trying to figure out a good cropping and cookie selling outfit.
Showing posts with label Kingdom Arts and Sciences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kingdom Arts and Sciences. Show all posts
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
February Madness, Destination Imagination Style
We don't have March Madness around my house even though I do like college basketball. This is a holdover from a previous relationship. I used to be able to do those pools at work and end up in or close to in the money every time, but I have let me knowledge slip away and now I am not nearly as familiar with the coaches (the key to college basketball) as I once was.
But we do indeed have February Madness, also known as Destination Imagination. This program used to be called Odyssey of the Mind for those of you old-timers. The kids on the team pick a challenge in the fall and spend all year working toward the goal of doing an 8 minute presentation at tournament. You would think that this wouldn't take very long to prepare for, but you would be wrong. The kids are supposed to do ALL the work; the coach or Team Manager is just a facilitator. I even took various ones of them shopping with me when we had to buy materials, although I drew the line at taking them to Perth Street where the discount fabric stores are located (I did get them some $1 a yard fabric though!) The parents out here wouldn't like it if I took their little darlings down there, since it's off of Harry Hines. This is kind of like the Red Light District in the DFW area, and most people who live out here in Pleasant Valley have never been there, so they are scared of it. I guess they think someone is going to steal their Rolexes or something if they go down there, but since the only Rolex I ever owned was a Hong Kong knockoff, it doesn't scare me much. They are more than welcome to the less than $20 in my purse, and if they can figure out a way to get money out of those debit cards, more power to them. I have a scrapbooking friend who quilts but she refuses to go down there with me, even though the fabric stores are only open during the day, but she would be amazed at the deals.
Although some of the Destination Imagination challenges are more scientific and technical (for example, requiring the kids to build a device that sends hacky sacks over a wall for points, or a robot), our group usually picks the theatre arts related challenge. They are an excellent improv group but they never pick the improv challenge because they want to MAKE stuff!!! This year with all the cold weather and the garage being a mess (never got it fully cleaned up after Harvest Fest because the weather got nasty--got the camping gear reorganized but there's still SCA crap out there in piles)--well anyway, it has been a challenge this year. They had to make a puppet and they decided on a large one. I can't say what yet because the tournament is March 6, but after Tournament I will share all of our secrets. They also have to do a live art form on stage that relates to the character flip or change in point of view that has to be in their story. They have come up with a great idea for a story and a decent script, after much research and angst. I thought we were going to have to paint our backdrop outside yesterday but they even decided on their own to use markers and scraps of felt and craft foam to decorate it, and they did one of the backdrops from a picture that one of the girls had drawn. I am going to attach her picture to my tournament forms because these little fourth grade girls (not my two but two others on my team) can draw better than I can. I am not very good at drawing and these kids could kick my butt at it--I could never have drawn what they did yesterday, not in a million years. My own kids worked on the technical and decorative aspects of the puppet, and the script yesterday. They have inherited our brains and creativity but unfortunately they have also inherited our lack of drawing talent.
We also have to practice instant challenges. For an instant challenge, the kids are taken to a room where appraisers read them a challenge. They generally have 4-5 minutes to use some random materials (like straws, paper clips, etc) to build something and plan a performance around it, then about 2 minutes to actually perform. Sometimes our team is awesome at this and sometimes they don't get it and it's a big mess. This is worth up to 100 points at tournament so it is important to practice and practice and practice, but at this time of year there is so much to do! I don't let them start building and making stuff until January because I don't want my house torn up at Christmas, but now all bets are off.
We have a backdrop sitting in my foyer on a lovely piece of warped plywood. It's propped up by a table where I am trying to make clay Viking brooches (and I am finding out that carving Viking designs in clay is not really something that I am particularly good at! Maybe I'll get the fourth graders to do it.) Plus Gulf War fabric all over the living room, with the feast gear and period games and embroidery stuff and calligraphy stuff and Ministry of Children stuff and God knows what else. I will say again, if you want to visit me, I need 30 days notice. Really.
The dining room table still has the good china on it from our brief Valentine's dinner. The china has been there since New Years so I think it is probably time to put it away now. I don't think I am going to leave it out until April (R's birthday), and we have precious little to celebrate after that as all family birthdays will then be done until the following January.
Every year I say in January that i am going to take a cake decorating class, but then by April, the desire passes into the wind like bad gas. I make the girls a coconut cake based on Grandma's recipe (I have to refrigerate this cake and I have the Tupperwear cake taker just for this purpose). I don't make myself a cake and I didn't even get one this year because we had Twelfth Night that day and no one like my husband thought about getting me a cake, and I refused to buy my own, so no birthday cake for me this year. I didn't really care that much but it would have been nice. I did make a boar's head out of rice krispy treats and frosted it so I guess I really did make my own cake, but we didn't eat this. The frosting was gray and I used some old black food coloring to achieve this, so I really didn't want to eat it. We sliced some of it up at DI the following Tuesday and we all said, "Yuk!!" and threw it all away. If you think blue and magenta cakes are nasty, just wait until you try a 4 day old gray Boar's Head rice krispy treat cake. I will probably just buy R a cake because I don't think he will care one way or the other whether I make one from a mix or not (I don't usually do scratch and even grandma's cake starts with a mix). I can do a cake from scratch, but we don't need a lot of extra desserts around here so my dessert skills are rather weak. My cookie sheets are shot (probably because I keep using them for trays for rain boots and crafts, not cookie sheets), so even my Christmas cookies suck. Every year about November I think about getting some new cookie sheets with Martha Stewarteque sillipat mats (rubber mats that aid in baking and don't melt in the oven), but that desire always passes, again like bad gas, by New Year's. Well, maybe this year. I haven't been to Williams Sonoma since I quit working full time but we did get married more than 15 years ago and maybe it is time for some new fancy WS or Pampered Chef gear. In my dreams!
Well, seems like I am just rambling today. Last year for DI the kids made a tree using girl scout cookie boxes and chicken wire and paper mache. They did bark out of brown paper and painted it, and made a hole in it for the Featured Creature using cardboard and duct tape. Miranda was the featured creature and had feathered wings (fortunately she got sick the week of the tournament and I made her sit there with a fever and glue her wings together, feather by feather, but we got a great score on her costume!) This year we are trying to focus on the key elements of the challenge and on the instant challenges so we don't do too much extra work that doesn't get graded, but we will see what happens. It is a hell of a lot of work for 8 minutes, but DI isn't really about the tournament or even winning (the scoring is extremely subjective even on things that could be seen as objective, so you really can't predict how you are going to do). DI is more about the Process of Learning how to do things and learning teamwork. And our whole house is more Process than Product right now, let me tell you!!
I did get my Valentine's Cards and the Birthday Card made at 3 am on Valentine's Day (couldn't sleep again so I got up and did these things since I was too tired right when we got home from Kingdom A & S). I dropped my Dotto adhesive and broke it though (broke the wheel off the whole container somehow), and now I need more in order to put together the damn snowmen. One of my new Cricut cartriges has lots of snowmen on it, kind of like snowmen paper dolls. I thought it would be fun but it's a nightmare putting these suckers together!! I can see why it's Limited Edition cartridge--it's damned hard to do, and by the time everyone figures it out, they will be all sold and off the market. I have snowmen pieces all over my scrapbook table (and they have been there since I returned from my scrapbook retreat almost a month agao). The plan was: put these snowmen together in about an hour the day after returning from retreat, and get back into the Christmas scrapbooking. Well, a month later it still looks like a terrorist attack on a colony of snowpeople on my scrapbooking table, and I just keep shunting it aside. I am about ready to put the whole damn mess in a baggie and move on with my life. Especially now that I broke my dotto adhesive, and my acid free gluestick is all dried out for some reason, and my glue pen isn't working (and I hate those anyway), so I really don't know how in the hell I am supposed to glue these tiny pieces together.
So, at Kingdom A & S the other day there was pewter casting, wood working, weaving, sewing (a whole dress and all four layers, even undergarments, made totally by hand), basketry, medicine (cough syrup), calligraphy and illumination, middle eastern cooking, blacksmithing, a variety of sewing and jewelry projects, etc. etc. There were over 50 entrants and it was AWESOME!!! Maybe I cn actually do something for it one day if I can ever figure out how to get the snowmen and my dreadful attempts at Viking Brooches off my work table.
Well, a mysterious alarm is going off somewhere in the house (I think it's the DI stopwatch) so I hope I haven't bored everyone to death today. This is the time of year when I get really serious about DI so I'm just not feeling very funny today. Plus I know I have to go to the dentist this morning, and have the DI kids this afternoon, and we are almost out of Crown after Valentine's Day, so that sort of stinks. That stuff is now about $25 a bottle and I feel like I just bought one, but I may be hitting the liquor store again on Friday. After all, it's just across the street from the girl scout store, and I'm sure there's some reason I need to go there (oh, yes, to sign up to rent a COOKIE Costume for our booth sale March 8!!!)
By the way, Girl Scout cookies will be here Wednesday so if anyone is interested, please know. I have to pay for them March 10th and we are selling some at All Con, but that's not until March 13th. I would really like to be able to pay for them on time so I will be selling them as fast as I can. They freeze well (at least I have told my husband this because he doesn't fully know how many he is buying yet). This year we made it almost all year with cookies--used the last box of Thin Mints up about 2 weeks ago. So I am ready for more! I don't buy any other cookies year round except for a few Oreos now and then--we just eat Girl Scout cookies all year. So that's why I don't have to learn to make desserts!
Pleasant Valley Mom, mired in Destination Imagination and other obnoxious projects
But we do indeed have February Madness, also known as Destination Imagination. This program used to be called Odyssey of the Mind for those of you old-timers. The kids on the team pick a challenge in the fall and spend all year working toward the goal of doing an 8 minute presentation at tournament. You would think that this wouldn't take very long to prepare for, but you would be wrong. The kids are supposed to do ALL the work; the coach or Team Manager is just a facilitator. I even took various ones of them shopping with me when we had to buy materials, although I drew the line at taking them to Perth Street where the discount fabric stores are located (I did get them some $1 a yard fabric though!) The parents out here wouldn't like it if I took their little darlings down there, since it's off of Harry Hines. This is kind of like the Red Light District in the DFW area, and most people who live out here in Pleasant Valley have never been there, so they are scared of it. I guess they think someone is going to steal their Rolexes or something if they go down there, but since the only Rolex I ever owned was a Hong Kong knockoff, it doesn't scare me much. They are more than welcome to the less than $20 in my purse, and if they can figure out a way to get money out of those debit cards, more power to them. I have a scrapbooking friend who quilts but she refuses to go down there with me, even though the fabric stores are only open during the day, but she would be amazed at the deals.
Although some of the Destination Imagination challenges are more scientific and technical (for example, requiring the kids to build a device that sends hacky sacks over a wall for points, or a robot), our group usually picks the theatre arts related challenge. They are an excellent improv group but they never pick the improv challenge because they want to MAKE stuff!!! This year with all the cold weather and the garage being a mess (never got it fully cleaned up after Harvest Fest because the weather got nasty--got the camping gear reorganized but there's still SCA crap out there in piles)--well anyway, it has been a challenge this year. They had to make a puppet and they decided on a large one. I can't say what yet because the tournament is March 6, but after Tournament I will share all of our secrets. They also have to do a live art form on stage that relates to the character flip or change in point of view that has to be in their story. They have come up with a great idea for a story and a decent script, after much research and angst. I thought we were going to have to paint our backdrop outside yesterday but they even decided on their own to use markers and scraps of felt and craft foam to decorate it, and they did one of the backdrops from a picture that one of the girls had drawn. I am going to attach her picture to my tournament forms because these little fourth grade girls (not my two but two others on my team) can draw better than I can. I am not very good at drawing and these kids could kick my butt at it--I could never have drawn what they did yesterday, not in a million years. My own kids worked on the technical and decorative aspects of the puppet, and the script yesterday. They have inherited our brains and creativity but unfortunately they have also inherited our lack of drawing talent.
We also have to practice instant challenges. For an instant challenge, the kids are taken to a room where appraisers read them a challenge. They generally have 4-5 minutes to use some random materials (like straws, paper clips, etc) to build something and plan a performance around it, then about 2 minutes to actually perform. Sometimes our team is awesome at this and sometimes they don't get it and it's a big mess. This is worth up to 100 points at tournament so it is important to practice and practice and practice, but at this time of year there is so much to do! I don't let them start building and making stuff until January because I don't want my house torn up at Christmas, but now all bets are off.
We have a backdrop sitting in my foyer on a lovely piece of warped plywood. It's propped up by a table where I am trying to make clay Viking brooches (and I am finding out that carving Viking designs in clay is not really something that I am particularly good at! Maybe I'll get the fourth graders to do it.) Plus Gulf War fabric all over the living room, with the feast gear and period games and embroidery stuff and calligraphy stuff and Ministry of Children stuff and God knows what else. I will say again, if you want to visit me, I need 30 days notice. Really.
The dining room table still has the good china on it from our brief Valentine's dinner. The china has been there since New Years so I think it is probably time to put it away now. I don't think I am going to leave it out until April (R's birthday), and we have precious little to celebrate after that as all family birthdays will then be done until the following January.
Every year I say in January that i am going to take a cake decorating class, but then by April, the desire passes into the wind like bad gas. I make the girls a coconut cake based on Grandma's recipe (I have to refrigerate this cake and I have the Tupperwear cake taker just for this purpose). I don't make myself a cake and I didn't even get one this year because we had Twelfth Night that day and no one like my husband thought about getting me a cake, and I refused to buy my own, so no birthday cake for me this year. I didn't really care that much but it would have been nice. I did make a boar's head out of rice krispy treats and frosted it so I guess I really did make my own cake, but we didn't eat this. The frosting was gray and I used some old black food coloring to achieve this, so I really didn't want to eat it. We sliced some of it up at DI the following Tuesday and we all said, "Yuk!!" and threw it all away. If you think blue and magenta cakes are nasty, just wait until you try a 4 day old gray Boar's Head rice krispy treat cake. I will probably just buy R a cake because I don't think he will care one way or the other whether I make one from a mix or not (I don't usually do scratch and even grandma's cake starts with a mix). I can do a cake from scratch, but we don't need a lot of extra desserts around here so my dessert skills are rather weak. My cookie sheets are shot (probably because I keep using them for trays for rain boots and crafts, not cookie sheets), so even my Christmas cookies suck. Every year about November I think about getting some new cookie sheets with Martha Stewarteque sillipat mats (rubber mats that aid in baking and don't melt in the oven), but that desire always passes, again like bad gas, by New Year's. Well, maybe this year. I haven't been to Williams Sonoma since I quit working full time but we did get married more than 15 years ago and maybe it is time for some new fancy WS or Pampered Chef gear. In my dreams!
Well, seems like I am just rambling today. Last year for DI the kids made a tree using girl scout cookie boxes and chicken wire and paper mache. They did bark out of brown paper and painted it, and made a hole in it for the Featured Creature using cardboard and duct tape. Miranda was the featured creature and had feathered wings (fortunately she got sick the week of the tournament and I made her sit there with a fever and glue her wings together, feather by feather, but we got a great score on her costume!) This year we are trying to focus on the key elements of the challenge and on the instant challenges so we don't do too much extra work that doesn't get graded, but we will see what happens. It is a hell of a lot of work for 8 minutes, but DI isn't really about the tournament or even winning (the scoring is extremely subjective even on things that could be seen as objective, so you really can't predict how you are going to do). DI is more about the Process of Learning how to do things and learning teamwork. And our whole house is more Process than Product right now, let me tell you!!
I did get my Valentine's Cards and the Birthday Card made at 3 am on Valentine's Day (couldn't sleep again so I got up and did these things since I was too tired right when we got home from Kingdom A & S). I dropped my Dotto adhesive and broke it though (broke the wheel off the whole container somehow), and now I need more in order to put together the damn snowmen. One of my new Cricut cartriges has lots of snowmen on it, kind of like snowmen paper dolls. I thought it would be fun but it's a nightmare putting these suckers together!! I can see why it's Limited Edition cartridge--it's damned hard to do, and by the time everyone figures it out, they will be all sold and off the market. I have snowmen pieces all over my scrapbook table (and they have been there since I returned from my scrapbook retreat almost a month agao). The plan was: put these snowmen together in about an hour the day after returning from retreat, and get back into the Christmas scrapbooking. Well, a month later it still looks like a terrorist attack on a colony of snowpeople on my scrapbooking table, and I just keep shunting it aside. I am about ready to put the whole damn mess in a baggie and move on with my life. Especially now that I broke my dotto adhesive, and my acid free gluestick is all dried out for some reason, and my glue pen isn't working (and I hate those anyway), so I really don't know how in the hell I am supposed to glue these tiny pieces together.
So, at Kingdom A & S the other day there was pewter casting, wood working, weaving, sewing (a whole dress and all four layers, even undergarments, made totally by hand), basketry, medicine (cough syrup), calligraphy and illumination, middle eastern cooking, blacksmithing, a variety of sewing and jewelry projects, etc. etc. There were over 50 entrants and it was AWESOME!!! Maybe I cn actually do something for it one day if I can ever figure out how to get the snowmen and my dreadful attempts at Viking Brooches off my work table.
Well, a mysterious alarm is going off somewhere in the house (I think it's the DI stopwatch) so I hope I haven't bored everyone to death today. This is the time of year when I get really serious about DI so I'm just not feeling very funny today. Plus I know I have to go to the dentist this morning, and have the DI kids this afternoon, and we are almost out of Crown after Valentine's Day, so that sort of stinks. That stuff is now about $25 a bottle and I feel like I just bought one, but I may be hitting the liquor store again on Friday. After all, it's just across the street from the girl scout store, and I'm sure there's some reason I need to go there (oh, yes, to sign up to rent a COOKIE Costume for our booth sale March 8!!!)
By the way, Girl Scout cookies will be here Wednesday so if anyone is interested, please know. I have to pay for them March 10th and we are selling some at All Con, but that's not until March 13th. I would really like to be able to pay for them on time so I will be selling them as fast as I can. They freeze well (at least I have told my husband this because he doesn't fully know how many he is buying yet). This year we made it almost all year with cookies--used the last box of Thin Mints up about 2 weeks ago. So I am ready for more! I don't buy any other cookies year round except for a few Oreos now and then--we just eat Girl Scout cookies all year. So that's why I don't have to learn to make desserts!
Pleasant Valley Mom, mired in Destination Imagination and other obnoxious projects
Monday, February 15, 2010
So Many Projects, So Little Time (or, Rewriting Bawdy Songs In My Spare Time)
We went to Kingdom Arts and Sciences on Saturday and wow, was I impressed with all the artisan work! We went in the ice and snow, even though I hate travelling in bad weather (the roads were fine but it was pretty foggy). We listened to 18 versions of The Chandler's Wife on the way there. We have a CD that does "movie and tv versions" of this slightly bawdy song for the Fill in the Blanks. We have explained roughly what is going on in the song to the girls (adultery, and they have had the sex talk, to which they said, "EW!") They are mostly interested in the movie lines and don't get all the double entendres; if someone refers to balls in any form or fashion, even soccer balls right now, they dissolve into giggles. Well, the All Chandler's Wife CD is one CD that I don't need to listen to for a few more months!
The song goes like this:
A man walked into a Chandler's shop [a chandler is a candlemaker]
Some Candles for to buy,
and when he walked into the shop
nobody did he spy,
(drawing a blank. Can't believe it. Heard song 19 times on Sat. Yikes! No memory. Must have blocked it out; something about him getting ready to leave the shop. I guess I would be cut from Hollywood week of American Idol!)
When he heard the sound of a ___
Right above his head.
Yes, he heard the sound of a ___
Right Above his head.
Now this young man was a bold young man,
so up the stairs he sped.
And very surprised was he to find
the Chandler's wife in bed.
And with her was another young man of very considerable size.
And they were having a ___
Right before his eyes.
Yes, they were having a ___
Right before his eyes.
Now when the fun was over and done
She lifted up her head,
And very surprised was she to find
A man beside her bed.
"If you will keep my secret sir, if you will be so kind,
Then you can come up for a ___
Whenever you feel inclined!
Yes, you can come up for a ___
Whenever you feel inclined.
So all you fine young men take heed
Whenever you go to town
That if you leave your woman at home
Be sure to tie her down.
And if you would be kind to her
Just lay her out on the floor
And give her so much of that ___
She won't want any more!
Yes, give her so much of that ___
She won't want any more!
You can imagine the possibilities, filling in the blanks with lines from Star Wars, Harry Potter, Princess Bride, Sesame Street, Finding Nemo, etc.
I, however, have written the intellectual geek version of the song, in which there are no double entendres like usual. This is the song that the person who is sexually repressed or in denial that sex exists would sing:
A man walked into a Chandler's shop
Some candles for to buy,
And when he walked into the shop
Nobody did he spy,
And so he turned upon his heel,
And out the door he sped--can't be right??????(getting ready to leave the shop; again I can't remember exactly the words)
When he heard the sound of a (Trivial Pursuit game)
Right above his head;
He heard the sound of a (Serious Scrabble match)
Right above his head.
Now this young man was a bold young man, so up
the stairs he sped.
And very surprised was he to find the Chandler's wife in bed.
And with her was another young man of very considerable size,
And they were having a (very heated intellectual discussion)
Right before his eyes,
Yes, they were having an (argument over the proper use of the Scrabble dictionary)
Right before his eyes.
Now when the fun was over and done,
She lifted up her head (from the dictionary, of course)
And very surprised was she to find
A man beside her bed.
"If you will keep my secret sir, if you will be so kind,
Then you can come up for a (Lord of the Rings Monopoly game)
Whenever you feel inclined,
Yes, you can come up for a (Lord of the Rings Risk game if you prefer)
Whenever you feel inclined.
Now all you fine young men take heed,
Whenever you go to town,
That if you leave your woman at home
Be sure to tie her down (with the housework, the laundry, and the kids; you get the idea!)
And if you would be kind to her, just lay her out on the floor,
And give her so much of that (intellectual prowess of yours)
She won't want any more,
Yes, give her so much of that (Cash Cab or Final Jeopardy trivia knowledge)
She won't want any MORE!!!
I guess you just had to be there!My husband and I actually play all of these games, and watch Jeopardy and Cash Cab (he DVRs Jeopardy), although we haven't tried our LOTR Risk yet--not enough time. This CD is brought to us by Queen Anne's Lace, an acapello singing group that performs at Scarborough Faire and other venues in North Texas. I don't know who wrote the song or if it is even period (i.e. Renaissance or pre-Renaissance) Most of their songs are very lovely, and on Sunday mornings at the Faire their first show is all religious music, including the Swing version of Amazing Grace. Some music is period (Renaissance and before) and some is more contemporary; for example, they do other Swing in addition to church music, such as "Stormy Weather" (although they try not to do this when rain is in the forecast since the show is, of course, outside). Most of their songs are NOT bawdy or only mildly so, and aren't performed at the lives shows for their 5 pm Tart Show, which is mild and only PG compared to Iris and Rose's show ( which is R or worse, especially the 5 pm Train Wreck show with audience participation. Believe me, go to that show and you will hear something shocking you never heard before--a few beers helped. I went with one of R's male friends one time, Drew Timmons, and while I enjoyed the show I was red as a beet!) (R stayed home that day; sick kid).
Queen Anne's Lace does an All Chandler's Wife song show on the last Sunday of the Faire (the very last day being Memorial Day Monday). They sing many versions of the song (about 12 of them) for lots of tips. The little outdoor theatre is full and it is HILARIOUS because of course they do the voices, various gestures, etc. It is much funnier than on the CD, especially when you are hitting about version 18 or 19 and you can't remember when you heard another piece of music other than The Chandler's Wife. Especially when all the quotes are from a movie you haven't seen, because then even though the lines are funny you don't get the reference. My favorite is not on the CD and is the Harry Potter version ("Just because you're 17 doesn't mean you can whip out your wands any time you like!") And they need an All Star Trek version in my opinion ("Captain, you canna change the laws of physics!" "He's Dead, Jim" or "Set your phaser on Stun, " etc.) See, I've about half written one already. Send me other Star Trek lines that have sexual innuendo in them, please. I need to do something in my "spare time."
Signing off for now!
Pleasant Valley Mom
The song goes like this:
A man walked into a Chandler's shop [a chandler is a candlemaker]
Some Candles for to buy,
and when he walked into the shop
nobody did he spy,
(drawing a blank. Can't believe it. Heard song 19 times on Sat. Yikes! No memory. Must have blocked it out; something about him getting ready to leave the shop. I guess I would be cut from Hollywood week of American Idol!)
When he heard the sound of a ___
Right above his head.
Yes, he heard the sound of a ___
Right Above his head.
Now this young man was a bold young man,
so up the stairs he sped.
And very surprised was he to find
the Chandler's wife in bed.
And with her was another young man of very considerable size.
And they were having a ___
Right before his eyes.
Yes, they were having a ___
Right before his eyes.
Now when the fun was over and done
She lifted up her head,
And very surprised was she to find
A man beside her bed.
"If you will keep my secret sir, if you will be so kind,
Then you can come up for a ___
Whenever you feel inclined!
Yes, you can come up for a ___
Whenever you feel inclined.
So all you fine young men take heed
Whenever you go to town
That if you leave your woman at home
Be sure to tie her down.
And if you would be kind to her
Just lay her out on the floor
And give her so much of that ___
She won't want any more!
Yes, give her so much of that ___
She won't want any more!
You can imagine the possibilities, filling in the blanks with lines from Star Wars, Harry Potter, Princess Bride, Sesame Street, Finding Nemo, etc.
I, however, have written the intellectual geek version of the song, in which there are no double entendres like usual. This is the song that the person who is sexually repressed or in denial that sex exists would sing:
A man walked into a Chandler's shop
Some candles for to buy,
And when he walked into the shop
Nobody did he spy,
And so he turned upon his heel,
And out the door he sped--can't be right??????(getting ready to leave the shop; again I can't remember exactly the words)
When he heard the sound of a (Trivial Pursuit game)
Right above his head;
He heard the sound of a (Serious Scrabble match)
Right above his head.
Now this young man was a bold young man, so up
the stairs he sped.
And very surprised was he to find the Chandler's wife in bed.
And with her was another young man of very considerable size,
And they were having a (very heated intellectual discussion)
Right before his eyes,
Yes, they were having an (argument over the proper use of the Scrabble dictionary)
Right before his eyes.
Now when the fun was over and done,
She lifted up her head (from the dictionary, of course)
And very surprised was she to find
A man beside her bed.
"If you will keep my secret sir, if you will be so kind,
Then you can come up for a (Lord of the Rings Monopoly game)
Whenever you feel inclined,
Yes, you can come up for a (Lord of the Rings Risk game if you prefer)
Whenever you feel inclined.
Now all you fine young men take heed,
Whenever you go to town,
That if you leave your woman at home
Be sure to tie her down (with the housework, the laundry, and the kids; you get the idea!)
And if you would be kind to her, just lay her out on the floor,
And give her so much of that (intellectual prowess of yours)
She won't want any more,
Yes, give her so much of that (Cash Cab or Final Jeopardy trivia knowledge)
She won't want any MORE!!!
I guess you just had to be there!My husband and I actually play all of these games, and watch Jeopardy and Cash Cab (he DVRs Jeopardy), although we haven't tried our LOTR Risk yet--not enough time. This CD is brought to us by Queen Anne's Lace, an acapello singing group that performs at Scarborough Faire and other venues in North Texas. I don't know who wrote the song or if it is even period (i.e. Renaissance or pre-Renaissance) Most of their songs are very lovely, and on Sunday mornings at the Faire their first show is all religious music, including the Swing version of Amazing Grace. Some music is period (Renaissance and before) and some is more contemporary; for example, they do other Swing in addition to church music, such as "Stormy Weather" (although they try not to do this when rain is in the forecast since the show is, of course, outside). Most of their songs are NOT bawdy or only mildly so, and aren't performed at the lives shows for their 5 pm Tart Show, which is mild and only PG compared to Iris and Rose's show ( which is R or worse, especially the 5 pm Train Wreck show with audience participation. Believe me, go to that show and you will hear something shocking you never heard before--a few beers helped. I went with one of R's male friends one time, Drew Timmons, and while I enjoyed the show I was red as a beet!) (R stayed home that day; sick kid).
Queen Anne's Lace does an All Chandler's Wife song show on the last Sunday of the Faire (the very last day being Memorial Day Monday). They sing many versions of the song (about 12 of them) for lots of tips. The little outdoor theatre is full and it is HILARIOUS because of course they do the voices, various gestures, etc. It is much funnier than on the CD, especially when you are hitting about version 18 or 19 and you can't remember when you heard another piece of music other than The Chandler's Wife. Especially when all the quotes are from a movie you haven't seen, because then even though the lines are funny you don't get the reference. My favorite is not on the CD and is the Harry Potter version ("Just because you're 17 doesn't mean you can whip out your wands any time you like!") And they need an All Star Trek version in my opinion ("Captain, you canna change the laws of physics!" "He's Dead, Jim" or "Set your phaser on Stun, " etc.) See, I've about half written one already. Send me other Star Trek lines that have sexual innuendo in them, please. I need to do something in my "spare time."
Signing off for now!
Pleasant Valley Mom
Saturday, February 13, 2010
The Olympics, SCA Style
For someone who is not a big sports fan, I sure am an Olympics junkie. And, oddly enough, I am a WINTER Olympics junkie.
I don't ski. I don't ice skate any more and never was very good (the broken ankle at the horse ranch pretty well fixed that!) I don't even like cold weather because of my eczema, and my husband can barely walk in it. You will drag me kicking and screaming to a colder locale this time of year. Yes, snow is beautiful on the trees and on television, and I enjoy your Facebook Photos (but especially the one of the snowman hanging himself due to being housebound for too long, I guess). I am a 10 minute snow person. Give me 10 minutes in it and I'm done for another year. Yesterday I even kept on my pjs and slipped on some shoes (since I didn't want to get my boots wet and have no waterproof ones); went outside and took a picture of the snowman that my kids could build frantically in 10 minutes without help from Dad (who was WORKING of course). I think I really said, "Hurry up and finish that snowman--mommy's feet are getting cold!"
(Since I'm a scrapbooker, the snowman is facing our house, not the road. That way there is a pretty house with snow on it in the background instead of two snow-covered vehicles that won't fit in the garage! I've been doing this scrapbooking thing just a little too long--the snowman and the kids have coordinated scarves that will go with some scrapbook paper I already own. My friend Wendy of Scrappin' Memories, the group that I do retreats with, would be so proud).
Well, can't write for long today (so, Greg Burbo, no reason to speed read--just enjoy your caffeine!!) At 6 am I have to start getting ready to go to Kingdom A & S, packing the cooler, loading the car, etc. and hopefully leaving about 8 am. Of course I spent most of yesterday getting ready, getting the MOC stuff out, etc., including deciding to re-hem my dress from 12th Night (I had done kind of a hash job on it last time because I ran low on time after making a Boar's Head centerpiece out of rice krispy treats). However, the Olympics are great for people in the SCA because you can sit and sew and sew and sew and you don't have to look up all that often, especially during the opening ceremony buildup, because it's all commentary. So I am looking forward to many nights of sewing over the next two weeks or so because of the Olympics coverage!!! Sorry kids, can't help with the homework--they Olympics are on!!!
Anyway, ten reasons why I love the Olympics: (1) individual sports and drama; (2) sports I don't usually follow during the other four years, like curling (I actually LOVE to watch curling--it's very dramatic if you have the right attitude. Kind of like watching shuffleboard on ice)--Did you know that curling originated in Scotland, just like Golf???? If global warming continues to result in these harsher winters, it could become the New Golf. (3) figure skating, including the controversy and judging scandals(when the officials took their oath last night to be fair and judge the competition properly, my husband and I added, "except for figure skating, in which we will endeavor to do all in our power to screw the United States!") (4) ice dancing in particular, where there are rarely Amerian competitiors but the costumes and the pageantry are so over the top--they damn well better show it this year or I will be writing a nasty letter to NBC; I don't care if it is only Russians who win. And when you see those lifts and things that they do in it, don't tell me it's not athletic!!! It's Dancing With the Stars on ice, only both of them can actually do the moves; (5) Little tidbits of info that come out in the commentary--the Canadian poet located on You Tube who was in the opening ceremony, the fact that ice skaters now go to icepartner.com to find partners, etc.; (6)seeing old athletes that I remember seeing live, which reminds me that we all age but some of us are still great no matter what; (7)the fact that the only team sport other than curling is hockey (not a huge hockey fan but I can live with two team sports--and hockey always reminds me of the 1994 Olympics when my two bridesmaids and I beaded lace for my wedding dress during the Americans' game, only I don't remember how the game came out or even if it was for a medal); (8) seeing great stories on lone athletes from places that have never won a medal, and seeing their joy at just being there and maybe having a shot at a medal...one day! (9) Litchenstein has a smaller population than my town here in North Texas; 10) It's so much shorter than the Summer Olympics so all the sports get better coverage, and even though the Americans do well, smaller countries are contenders too, so it seems to be a more global experience. And it's not frustrating when certain sports are left out and not covered at all, like with the Summer Games. They cover EVERYTHING at the Winter Games, even the ice scupltures in the park.
I always remember where I was and what I was doing when the Olympic coverage of figure skating took place. I remember the year that Katerina Witt won the gold and the American Debbie someone (Taylor orThomas, first well-known African American figure skater from the US) came in third (I think she's a doctor now, so it all worked out). The guy I was dating then had just taken the bar exam and was sure he had flunked it, and when the American "choked" or got robbed by the judges or whatever, he was really upset--it was like a premonition (he actually passed but he had flunked it before). I remember when Oksana Bayeux, whose name I can't even spell any more and I don't think anyone has heard from her in years, beat Nancy Kerrigan, who got the silver (Tanya Harding had a meltdown during her long program that year). Nancy then ruined her career with Disney by making snide comments on their float later that spring. If there's one thing you should never be snide about, especially in public, it's Disney when they are paying you for a public appearance. (Robert refers to the Disney stars as being on the "Dizzy Channel," and it will indeed make you dizzy if you try to keep track of them these days). I believe that was the year I was in San Franciso on business and contracted stomach flu, and was literally running down to the front desk for medicine at commercial breaks and trying not to throw up during the key routines. I remember the flight home too, where I never actually threw up but always had a bag right there in sight just in case. This was when I was returning from a big conference of Credit Card Bank Attorneys, which is banking law and credit card law combined. The cab ride to the airport, shared with other attorneys, was particularly rough as I tried not to throw up on my new "networking" contacts and hoped that they would realize that I really was sick, not just hung over like the rest of them. By God, I love the Law!!!
One thing that I really hate about the Olympics this year, however--the death of that poor luger from Georgia (not the US Georgia--the Russian Georgia for those of you who don't follow sports). I don't think I remember anyone getting killed doing his or her sport at the Olympics. In fact, other than Munich and Atlanta, I don't recall any deaths at all (and in Atlanta I think it was just one person in the park due to the bomb). I wonder what this means for the future of luge. My husband said that the luger hit an unpadded pole and I am thinking, as an attorney, why wasn't the pole padded? That was just a tort waiting to happen! Of course I don't know where the pole was in relation to the course or anything and I bet someone was out all night padding the poles for today's competition--but how terrible and tragic for him, his team, and the whole Olympic movement to have such a sad thing happen, especially on the very first day of televised coverage. His teammates just looked totally stunned, but bless them for marching anyway to honor his memory. Personally, I think they should consider cancelling the competition but I bet they don't. Hope no one else gets hurt.
Well, that's one video I hope doesn't get posted to YouTube. There are certain things I just won't watch, and that's one of them.
Looks like if I quit writing now I can still maybe go make those chocolate covered strawberries that I threw the towel in on last night at midnight, when I was falling asleep at the keyboard etc. So have a great day and pray that we don't hit any ice and that the foggy conditions abate as we venture off to Athens, Texas for Kingdom Arts and Sciences!!! And pray that it is warm enough that the kids can go outside and run around during part of the Ministry of Children activities.
Pleasant Valley Mom, also known as the Minister of Children for the Barony of the Steppes
I don't ski. I don't ice skate any more and never was very good (the broken ankle at the horse ranch pretty well fixed that!) I don't even like cold weather because of my eczema, and my husband can barely walk in it. You will drag me kicking and screaming to a colder locale this time of year. Yes, snow is beautiful on the trees and on television, and I enjoy your Facebook Photos (but especially the one of the snowman hanging himself due to being housebound for too long, I guess). I am a 10 minute snow person. Give me 10 minutes in it and I'm done for another year. Yesterday I even kept on my pjs and slipped on some shoes (since I didn't want to get my boots wet and have no waterproof ones); went outside and took a picture of the snowman that my kids could build frantically in 10 minutes without help from Dad (who was WORKING of course). I think I really said, "Hurry up and finish that snowman--mommy's feet are getting cold!"
(Since I'm a scrapbooker, the snowman is facing our house, not the road. That way there is a pretty house with snow on it in the background instead of two snow-covered vehicles that won't fit in the garage! I've been doing this scrapbooking thing just a little too long--the snowman and the kids have coordinated scarves that will go with some scrapbook paper I already own. My friend Wendy of Scrappin' Memories, the group that I do retreats with, would be so proud).
Well, can't write for long today (so, Greg Burbo, no reason to speed read--just enjoy your caffeine!!) At 6 am I have to start getting ready to go to Kingdom A & S, packing the cooler, loading the car, etc. and hopefully leaving about 8 am. Of course I spent most of yesterday getting ready, getting the MOC stuff out, etc., including deciding to re-hem my dress from 12th Night (I had done kind of a hash job on it last time because I ran low on time after making a Boar's Head centerpiece out of rice krispy treats). However, the Olympics are great for people in the SCA because you can sit and sew and sew and sew and you don't have to look up all that often, especially during the opening ceremony buildup, because it's all commentary. So I am looking forward to many nights of sewing over the next two weeks or so because of the Olympics coverage!!! Sorry kids, can't help with the homework--they Olympics are on!!!
Anyway, ten reasons why I love the Olympics: (1) individual sports and drama; (2) sports I don't usually follow during the other four years, like curling (I actually LOVE to watch curling--it's very dramatic if you have the right attitude. Kind of like watching shuffleboard on ice)--Did you know that curling originated in Scotland, just like Golf???? If global warming continues to result in these harsher winters, it could become the New Golf. (3) figure skating, including the controversy and judging scandals(when the officials took their oath last night to be fair and judge the competition properly, my husband and I added, "except for figure skating, in which we will endeavor to do all in our power to screw the United States!") (4) ice dancing in particular, where there are rarely Amerian competitiors but the costumes and the pageantry are so over the top--they damn well better show it this year or I will be writing a nasty letter to NBC; I don't care if it is only Russians who win. And when you see those lifts and things that they do in it, don't tell me it's not athletic!!! It's Dancing With the Stars on ice, only both of them can actually do the moves; (5) Little tidbits of info that come out in the commentary--the Canadian poet located on You Tube who was in the opening ceremony, the fact that ice skaters now go to icepartner.com to find partners, etc.; (6)seeing old athletes that I remember seeing live, which reminds me that we all age but some of us are still great no matter what; (7)the fact that the only team sport other than curling is hockey (not a huge hockey fan but I can live with two team sports--and hockey always reminds me of the 1994 Olympics when my two bridesmaids and I beaded lace for my wedding dress during the Americans' game, only I don't remember how the game came out or even if it was for a medal); (8) seeing great stories on lone athletes from places that have never won a medal, and seeing their joy at just being there and maybe having a shot at a medal...one day! (9) Litchenstein has a smaller population than my town here in North Texas; 10) It's so much shorter than the Summer Olympics so all the sports get better coverage, and even though the Americans do well, smaller countries are contenders too, so it seems to be a more global experience. And it's not frustrating when certain sports are left out and not covered at all, like with the Summer Games. They cover EVERYTHING at the Winter Games, even the ice scupltures in the park.
I always remember where I was and what I was doing when the Olympic coverage of figure skating took place. I remember the year that Katerina Witt won the gold and the American Debbie someone (Taylor orThomas, first well-known African American figure skater from the US) came in third (I think she's a doctor now, so it all worked out). The guy I was dating then had just taken the bar exam and was sure he had flunked it, and when the American "choked" or got robbed by the judges or whatever, he was really upset--it was like a premonition (he actually passed but he had flunked it before). I remember when Oksana Bayeux, whose name I can't even spell any more and I don't think anyone has heard from her in years, beat Nancy Kerrigan, who got the silver (Tanya Harding had a meltdown during her long program that year). Nancy then ruined her career with Disney by making snide comments on their float later that spring. If there's one thing you should never be snide about, especially in public, it's Disney when they are paying you for a public appearance. (Robert refers to the Disney stars as being on the "Dizzy Channel," and it will indeed make you dizzy if you try to keep track of them these days). I believe that was the year I was in San Franciso on business and contracted stomach flu, and was literally running down to the front desk for medicine at commercial breaks and trying not to throw up during the key routines. I remember the flight home too, where I never actually threw up but always had a bag right there in sight just in case. This was when I was returning from a big conference of Credit Card Bank Attorneys, which is banking law and credit card law combined. The cab ride to the airport, shared with other attorneys, was particularly rough as I tried not to throw up on my new "networking" contacts and hoped that they would realize that I really was sick, not just hung over like the rest of them. By God, I love the Law!!!
One thing that I really hate about the Olympics this year, however--the death of that poor luger from Georgia (not the US Georgia--the Russian Georgia for those of you who don't follow sports). I don't think I remember anyone getting killed doing his or her sport at the Olympics. In fact, other than Munich and Atlanta, I don't recall any deaths at all (and in Atlanta I think it was just one person in the park due to the bomb). I wonder what this means for the future of luge. My husband said that the luger hit an unpadded pole and I am thinking, as an attorney, why wasn't the pole padded? That was just a tort waiting to happen! Of course I don't know where the pole was in relation to the course or anything and I bet someone was out all night padding the poles for today's competition--but how terrible and tragic for him, his team, and the whole Olympic movement to have such a sad thing happen, especially on the very first day of televised coverage. His teammates just looked totally stunned, but bless them for marching anyway to honor his memory. Personally, I think they should consider cancelling the competition but I bet they don't. Hope no one else gets hurt.
Well, that's one video I hope doesn't get posted to YouTube. There are certain things I just won't watch, and that's one of them.
Looks like if I quit writing now I can still maybe go make those chocolate covered strawberries that I threw the towel in on last night at midnight, when I was falling asleep at the keyboard etc. So have a great day and pray that we don't hit any ice and that the foggy conditions abate as we venture off to Athens, Texas for Kingdom Arts and Sciences!!! And pray that it is warm enough that the kids can go outside and run around during part of the Ministry of Children activities.
Pleasant Valley Mom, also known as the Minister of Children for the Barony of the Steppes
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