The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Morning

Well, this was indeed the Morning from Hell.

This is probably because it was the night from hell. R had to work on something from the time he got home until, basically, 3 am. So when he got home he was plugged into a conference call (his phone fits on his ear like a Borg implant). I had to leave at 5:15 to go pick up consignment and I sent one of the girls to tell him to cook dinner since I would not be able to cook until 6:30 (and we don't do fast food most of the time--very rarely). We do Dinner Station instead.

So the good news is that he had cooked the Dinner Station by about the time I got back, but by the time I hung up the leftover consignment clothes and picked up all the clean clothes off the floor of Miranda's closet and laid out some "Let It Snow" shirts for her to wear that she can't possibly wear after March 1 in Texas, and found her "money box" since she has bookfair tomorrow and and and--well, they had already finished dinner and he was going back upstairs on the conference call(I doubt if he ever got off it while cooking--it's a good thing he's one of those rare males who can multitask--the advantages of ADD!!)

Well, we don't know that he's ADD but we just suspect. Our whole house is ADD house. I think that Miranda and I are ADD too but we are better at hiding it. Our pefectionist tendencies come out instead. I managed to get through school pretty well and didn't realize I was ADD until recently, after reading some books on it and self-diagnosing. But when you have two ADD parents and identical biological twins--well, maybe we should have adopted after all.

We are seriously considering designing our SCA devices now that we both have our Awards of Arms and can have our own devices. Since R was born in the year of the Rooster according to the Chinese calendar and since he's the only male in the house (even the Westies are girls), we are thinking that he needs a Rooster on his device. Kind of like the Rooster in the henhouse, although it's not meant in a sexual way of course. But let's face it, men like to be the only Cock around. The girls and I could have hens on our devices in some form or fashion. And it plays into our favorite ADD joke, "Look, a chicken!" Also our church was founded on an old chicken farm and there is a section of the building that was all hand painted by the members, beautiful murals and rock climbing wall and what not, actually to save money on the construction (which was occurring about the time of the 9-11 recession). Anyway, because it was a chicken farm there is a chicken somewhere in the painting or decoration of every room (I think there's a rubber chicken in the kitchen for example). So the chickens tie in for us in a lot of ways.

Now that people have had roosters and such in their kitchens for a decade and it is becoming a less popular decorating motif that has filtered down to Wally-World and such, I am collecting Rooster and Chicken decorations. Bought a few in Canton at a Mexican restaurant when I was last there on retreat, and so on. Bought one on clearance at Hancock Fabrics (yet another Cock in my life!) And so on. I used to collect Architectural Digests and Decorator books and I even looked into becoming an Interior Designer in my spare time although I'm hardly flakey or artistic enough, but then we moved to the House on the Hill. And my husband got laid off four months after we moved here when his company closed their Dallas office, and had to work contract jobs for a year, and then he got laid off again afater 9-11 and had to take a pay cut after 7 months of trying to get back to a management job in Information Technologies, so anyway, the last room I actually decorated was the downstairs bathroom. From Kohl's clearance. In 2000. You think I'm kidding. Fortunately I have really nice stuff from the Days With Money, such as mahoghany furniture purchased in Canton and antiques from King Street in Charleston (that was our honeymoon, $300 candlesticks and such--ah, well, those were the days! What I couldn't do around here with about $20,000!!!)

So I have sold and given away the decorator books, which are out of date anyway. In fact, Half Price even told me they were composting them and I said, "Just pay me a pittance and don't tell me. I don't want to know." They even composted some of the old Martha Stewarts that I was getting rid of. I used to have all of her magazines from the very beginning but I got rid of them when we moved because with twins and no money, what was the point? But I recently picked up the back issues (most of them) for 2009 at Half Price and I am thinking it may be time to subscribe again. Especially since I am really contemplating buying that $23 set of Martha Stewart glitter (about 16 vials!) that is prominently featured in the magazine and on the scrapbooking aisle at Wally-World. Boy, I bet she is glad that her Kmart deal finally expired--she backed the wrong horse on that one.

So, what is the theme today again? Oh yes, the Terrible, Horrible No Good Very Bad Morning. Well, they said there was a 75% chance of snow. Now I knew the school district would probably not CANCEL school because they've already used up their two snow days (you folks up north and in Virginia have a good chuckle over that). So, I thought we would be going in late. I watched the ice dancing with my kids until at 10:30 they finally decided they were too bored to watch any more (Amelia was doing her homework until 9). She also had an endocrine appointment this morning in Dallas and R takes her, but we had a big argument about 2 am because I didn't want him to take her if it was icy, and these appointments are made 3 months in advance. They are impossible to get and she really needs to go in, but I did not want them in a ten car pile up on 35 this am.

So, I watched the ice dancing until I fell asleep (saw Canada and the US team that medaled but still have not seen the other US team or the Russians--tried again at 3am, hope it's on the DVR). And R tried to sleep for a while from about 1 to 2 am and then got paged and went back upstairs. That's the last thing I remember until about 7 am when he is waking me shouting, "It didn't snow! Get up, get up! The Alarm didn't go off!"

I don't set my alarm because it doesn't work well and I get up naturally between 4 and 5 am anyway, just like my mom used to. His alarm and his cell phone go off and if he doesn't get up (which he usually does) I go wake him and the kids around 6:30. I already have the coffee on and I've usually already done my blog post although I am a bit off schedule this week. But it's really hard to get up at 5 am when you went to sleep about 3 am (I was sewing for Gulf Wars until about 2 am). And now I SO NEED A NAP! And I have DI again today, maybe. If it doesn't snow and the kids don't get out of school early and if I can figure out how to have it when the kids are all sugared up from their delayed Valentine's Day party which is today.

So, Amelia and Miranda are getting up late. Miranda is freaking out and wanting to ride her bike (the tires are flat right now), even though it is snowing and I don't even know if she fits on the damn thing. She doesn't want to be tardy. Amelia is sitting wrapped up in a blanket staring into space. She doesn't wake up very quickly because she's a night owl and she doesn't sleep terribly well, like her dad, so she's a bit of a zombie in the morning. He can be too but because he's a grownup he has learned to overcome it most of the time.

M gets dressed, down the stairs in her Valentines' day shirt, eating breakfast, packing up her Valentines and her teacher gift (thank God these things are finally leaving my kitchen!!!) She has Bookfair today so she is checking to see that she has her bookfair money and I am fixing her instant grits and milk.

I got R to move the car inside the garage last night after moving the backdrop props from DI out of the garage and into my front hall, which you can barely walk through right now what with the Viking clay jewelry and fabric and DI backdrops and scrapbooking and the good dishes are still out on the dining room table from New year's/Valentine's Day, mostly to keep me and anyone else from putting other crap on the table. Maybe if I dust them I can keep them out until his birthday on April 6 and 7. I will explain that one some other time.

So now of course he decides to drive the Van to the doctor because it has better tires and traction control, which makes sense of course but I wish he had considered this last night--oh wait, we were cleaning up the garage and moving the car in while he was on his conference call and it was unlikely that the van would have fit back in the garage anyway--- so of course NOW he has to scrape the van. Fortunately we own a scraper that is from my law school days, because you can't buy them out here in Texas. No one stocks them. Or chains. Sometimes rock salt but usually you use sand or kitty litter out here. No snow shovels. No sleds. My kids have never been on a sled and when I got them Crissa the AG doll and her winter fun outfit with the little round coaster (I don't even remember myself what they are called but I had one, and I saw a picture recently on FB of Bryan Stephenson on one!) Well, anyway, when I got them this doll, they didn't even know what the coaster was for. Sad, sad, sad!!! But at least it's easier on my eczema.

Then he comes in and I am trying to email the teachers about Amelia's appointment and what she wants for lunch so they can order it. I hear R yelling at A upstairs--why are you just sitting there! Your appointment is this morning! I go back to the email of the teachers, get interrupted again. A finally comes downstairs in leggings and a shirt that is above her rear (in other words, not appropriate for school--this kid has the cutest clothes in the world but absolutely no fashion boundaries). I tell her to put her Valentine's gift for her teacher in her backpack but too late, she has dropped it on the floor. Since it's three Valentine's Day candleholders from Wally-World one is now broken. Fortunately I bought myself a set so I can sub out the one broken one after they leave and take it over to school later. I already have to go to the Valentine's Day parties to take pictures and to the bookfair, ,which ends tomorrow, to return the book light A got that doesn't work (the batteries, included, are dead). Don't know what to do about this little thing but I really just want my $8 back. Now I need to repack the gift after they leave and give up one of my little tchotkey candle holders.

So they go to school, probably on time. Then R is back with Amelia--she forgot her glasses. She didn't take her medication. She didn't use her steroid inhaler. She probably didn't brush her teeth, her hair or use deoderant either so God knows what they will think down at the endocrine office because she didn't take a bath last night either--maybe they will think he is a single parent. I am afraid I have been very neglectful of her in the last 24 hours but she is 10--she ought to be able to at least remember her glasses, which she has worn since 2nd grade.

I get her a pair of pants to put over her leggings in the car (two choices because of course I know she won't like one). She did take a coat. I make sure she has her valentines. I agree to bring the gift to the party (OK, now I really do have to go). I make sure she has her M & M's for the party and remind her that they are peanut so to tell the moms not to serve them if there are any peanut allergies (they were out of regular when I bought them two weeks ago at the last minute because I hadn't actually volunteered to bring anything. They were supposed to be for M's party but I saw on Friday that they already had their m & m's and we already ate one of the bags anyway so I will send them to A's party--I have found that if I just lay back and don't volunteer right away like all the other perky moms I can usually get away with not sending anything for the parties but I do feel a little guilty--I was a room mom in kindergarten and was really gung ho. What happened???) Well, more about that later, but let's just say I'm not room mom material.

They finally head out to the appointment after 8 and I remind my husband to take it slow and not rush, and call to say that they are on their way but will be late because of the weather. I hope he takes my advice and slows down to 70 or so--he's a notorious speeder. He will probably be careful today. Then I send them on their way. A has her glasses, her meds, her breakfast to eat in the car because she didn't have time to eat her grits, even her milk (I think she took it--I guess I will go drink it in a minute if not). She has her backpack. She has her Valentines. She has her assignment for later. I have her gift and the item that goes back to the Bookfair. Geez, I'm going to be doing this stuff for this kid until she's about 25, I guess. Maybe even though they are twins I can send them to college at different times--I would probably have a better result. R didn't go to college until later and it was probably the best thing for him too. In fact, he is five years older than I am and he didn't graduate from college until 1986, the same year I graduated from law school. He was WORKING in the 70's!!! We joke about this a lot because he LIVED the disco era--I was just in high school. He was out in the bars listening to a lot of really bad music. He doesn't dance much (bad knees, you know) but if he does, it ain't to disco!

Pleasant Valley Mom YAWNING>>>>>OK, just heard from R. They are there on time. Now I can go back to bed with the doggies.



And people wonder why I don't work full time?????????

And the Rain Rain Rain Came Down Down Down

I don't remember what song that line is from so if one of my faithful readers does, please remind me, "and the rain rain rain came down down down..." but it sure as hell is raining out here in North Texas. I hear that we are having more snow by Tuesday. I really need to get over to Dallas to see a friend and deliver some Girl Scout cookies and get some tips on what to do for Gulf Wars so I really hope that it is not doing this on Monday.

I don't like to drive in the rain. I did a 180 degree spin on Central Expressway the first year I lived here in my new 1985 Buick Electra, and I wasn't doing ANYTHING wrong. There was just a slick spot. Someone else had already spun out on the other side, and two more people also spun out and went to the other side as I was standing there like an idiot trying to protect my new car (I later found out that this is a good way, but not necessarily a good day, to die). Well, we are all young once and we all have that new car once in our lives. But to die over a Buick Electra? It didn't even have leather upholstery.

OK, I am going back to making hambone soup with lots of veggies (for Gulf War), and because the chicken in the soup I made for my root canal is too old, tough and freezer burned--the soup is fine but the chicken in it tastes like sawdust. I ought to strain it all out and give it to the dogs, really. But in my quest to empty my freezer of all stray meats and sauces to make room for Gulf War provisions, well, I just thought I'd give it a try. The freezer burned ground pork that had been in there for...i don't know, YEARS...did great in soup, but freezer-burned chicken? At some point I coooked this chicken and cubed it up and froze it so I would have something to throw in a dish somewhere along the line, but the dish never materialized and now it is garbage in my soup. Well, I should have some nice hambone soup later today if I can ever get the bone to fit in the pot. This is from the really huge ham that R bought on clearance, .99 cents a pound, the third weekend in January when I was on retreat. It's a 20 lb ham. Most of it got cooked and put in the Seal a Meal for Gulf Wars, but like a masochist I bought yet another of these hams at Wally-World the other day for about $2.99 a pound. I had one in my hands for $2.29 but it said "use or freeze by Feb 12." Should have bought the damn thing. It was probably fine especially if I cooked it this weekend. However, I like an idiot pointed it out to the meat guy (hoping to get it for less than $2.29 a pound since it was past the date) and he CONFISCATED it at wouldn't sell it to me. And for less than $1 a pound I decided to get the one that WAS NOT past the expiration date--it was Wally-World, after all. When they say it's not good enough to sell, they probably really mean it.

Must go and catch up on ice dancing now. I sent the kids upstairs with breakfast and a hole punch so my husband could sleep in since his 6 am work project got cancelled this morning. We ought to go to church but in this rain, I think not, and of course archery practice will be cancelled. I don't think there has been an archery practice all year--the weather has been just horrible for it: windy, cold, rainy and of course even some snow. I think at this point we will be doing our archery practice on the field at Gulf War. Well, I suck anyway and Amelia is much more interested in youth rapier so maybe we need to go in a new direction.

Pleasant Valley Mom, signing off and going back to bed


(Oh, the song is from one of the Winnie the Pooh Disney movies, probably the original! The one where it rains and they are floating around in the umbrella, like in the books. It just came to me.)

Darth Vader Has More Fun Than a Root Canal!

The root canal is over, and now I am tripping along on codeine (trying to figure out in the middle of the night if I will be able to go off of these drugs tomorrow to do all the things I have to do in the next three days). Here is my list:

Miranda's PawPrint book presentation 8:15 am

Amelia's Pawprint book presentation 8:30 am (this is a recipe book that I also worked on a lot so I am eager to see this)

Go to school bookfair and get Percy Jackson book for Amelia, $12, and equivalent book or thing for Miranda

Go to ARD meeting at school 9:15 am (husband to do these meetings with me)

It's Dreaded Payday. Get money, gas, go to Wally-World for some groceries, get yellow t shirts for DI at Hobby Lobby (and some fabric paint). Need stage makeup that doesn't itch as well. Eat lunch (must be soup or something easily chewed). We are out of rum again so working in the liquor store might be nice too.

1 pm go with husband to Consignment dropoff in Grapevine. Note pickup time for stuff which I think is Tues night. Kids are going to Percy Jackson movie with LEAP class at the end of the school day, and are to be picked up by friend Phyllis for playdate. Try to get cookies delivered to friend and two other neighbors.

Bookfair tonight at 5 pm at school if not able to go earlier (try to avoid and do earlier in the day--it will be a zoo with 1000 kids at this elementary school). DI wine and cheese party from 7-9 (try to avoid--don't want to stand around feeling stupid and talking to other, better and more technically-inclined coaches and getting drunk, and need to be back on pain drugs by now). Steppes Populace meeting 7 -10 in Carrollton--try to go and deliver Girl Scout cookies and collect money.

Saturday morning: Thinking Day at 9 am--go over and set up Troop's presentation on Colombia (oops, still need to write the 3 minute oral presentation part. I have a 5-7 minute one already written but now I need to cut it down). Thinking Day goes until about 12:30 pm. Feed kids something--mac and cheese (I hate it but they love it). Destination Imagination work session at house from 2 pm to 5 pm.

Sunday morning: get garage arranged so kids can practice skit out there. Destination Imagination work session from 2-5 pm. Need to do makeup and costumes and skit bigtime.

Monday: taking Girl Scout cookies to Dallas during the day to deliver to people who couldn't come to Populace or don't want to wait until March Business meeting to get their cookies.

My life is such a joy. So I earned a law degree for THIS????

Anyway, the root canal wasn't too bad once they changed the radio station (I said in the lobby that I hated country music which is not entirely true, but I think they overheard me). I liked this guy. The fancy endodontist in MY neighborhood wouldn't take our insurance so we drove all the way to Carrollton. This guy was nice and very funny, and had a no frills not fancy at all office (bathroom down the hall and everything which was inconvenient for throwing up after root canal but one can't have everything). He had the gas, which is the important thing.

I like doctors and dentists who don't have really fancy offices. When they have really fancy offices I know they are making a lot of money that they don't know what else to do with, and guess who is paying for that fancy Mayan decoration (I am not kidding--my downtown dentist referred me to a specialist who was redoing his office to look like Machu Pichu or something. I ran out of there so fast it would make your head swim). This is one of the reasons I never got braces as an adult even though I really needed them.

This guy gave me some topical anesthetic that smelled like cloves (oil of cloves, like Mike Kavannaugh mentioned the other day, is still very useful thousands of years later). I barely felt the novocaine shot. Of course, I have a dreadful time breathing during these procedures because I'm a mouth breather. It's really hard to breathe around a rubber dam. Also, I just don't get stoned enough on the gas usually because when I breathe through my nose I sound like Darth Vader. Or in this case, the guy's wife's new English bulldog (OK, I didn't say he was poor, just frugal). He was indeed making fun of my breathing but I didn't care. I guess enough of the gas was getting through anyway.

No tvs or headphones or any frills here though, and the walls were painted mustard (and probably from back in the 1970's, not because he was going for a cool retro look). Also, my ipod was dead this morning so I had to tough it out and listen to him talk to the hygenist like I wasn't there (because of course I was more sober than they realized). I must admit when he finally killed the root of the tooth I felt a relaxation like I hadn't felt in YEARS. It was AWESOME (although of course now the sucker really hurts!) He said he didn't understand why no one could see anything wrong with this tooth the last time I had it looked at, since there was so much decay, and I reluctantly admitted how long it had really been since I had been to the dentist (blaming it on the various financial reversals of IT professionals since things started getting outsourced to India, and our sporadic dental insurance)--and he (and the hygenist) both said, "sounds like my world." I didn't want to admit that part of the reason no one has looked at my teeth in years
is primarily that I have become dental phobic and I just hate the f****** dentist! But I'm sure he knew.

So, Darth Vader signing off now--I really really want another pain pill!!!!

Pleasant Valley Mom, wanting sleep

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Godzilla Meets God at the Gucci Wally-World

Well, I feel like Mohammed; I've been to the Mountain. I've been to the Gucci Wally-World for two days in a row. The first day I spent lots of money and the second day I tried to take the store tour without spending very much (had to go back to do returns and because I forgot my sweet potatoes). After all, I know that french store Tar-jay backward and forward because I worked there for about six months(I know that's not a French spelling but my keyboard doesn't DO accents). Why not Wally-World?

This is not just ANY Wally-World. This is the Gucci Wally-World. It is located a few miles away near some very toney, lovely homes that used to be on a lake. The lake is still there but it has receded and receded, and now many of these folks have lovely meadow-front property. Nevertheless, when it was proposed to build a Wally-World in their town, some of them fought it tooth and nail. It needed to be the nicest Wally-World you ever saw in your life. It is probably the biggest tax revenue generator they have--I wish it was across the street in MY town.

And it is the biggest, nicest, brightest Wally-World you ever saw. It has two separate entrances, one for people who are just browsing like me today (the non food stuff) and one for the serious shoppers (the grocery stuff). I can tell you that you will sell three times as many Girl Scout cookies at the grocery entrance during Cookie Season. You have to sign your GS Troop up for those cookie booths at 6:30 am a month in advance on the day the booths hit the system by the way, because you can sell 200 boxes of cookies there in 2 hours. Seriously. These customers have the bucks!

This Wally-World is beige, not that obnoxious shade of Wally-World blue. Both of my vehicles are beige so I understand the need for a little beige in the Suburban existence. It keeps you from standing out too much. It's classier. Although my mini van does have a dent in it, one that has been there for almost 10 years. I could get this repaired if I wanted to spend $300 or more, but I don't. It's not just because I can ALWAYS think of a better way to spend $300. With a dent in it, my beige van stands out in the Wally-World parking lot (meaning that someone directionally challenged like me, who is always thinking about something else other than what she is really doing--call it a defense mechanism--can find her van with a cart or two full of groceries). And that dent, coupled with an UpWard Cheerleading sticker from 3 years ago that is magnetic, does indeed help me find the van. It also says: "Suburban mom, doesn't care about appearances or is broke. You guess which one!"

UpWard Cheerleading being a Christian cheerleading program for kids that is sponsored by our church, the sticker is subtle. It says to the world, Suburban mom, Christian (or at least tried to be for one season), but not too uptight about it (unlike the people with the metal fishes on their cars that are permanent--my neice had the one with feet that said "Darwin.") My husband considers himself a Christian (I think) but if he were to choose a fish I know it would be the Darwin one. So no fish for us. It's not Lent on our car. When I first moved to Dallas I actually asked the guy I was dating where everyone was getting their fishes and was it a particular car dealership that used a fish as its symbol? (I just didn't get it, needless to say.) After that, every time we saw a car with a fish on it, he would laugh and say, "Look, there's another car from the Fish Dealership!" It was kind of like our family joke today, repeating Miranda's classic line, "Why are there so many BOATS in the Marina????" We do this any time anyone in the family asks a really stupid question or makes a really lame comment.

My husband also hates bumper stickers or anything that identifies who you are, who your kids are, what your religious or political persuasions are, etc. etc.--wouldn't even let me put a flag on the car after 9-11 when it was en vogue. But UpWard Cheerleading stays because it's MAGNETIC and therefore not permanent. Presumably it could fall right off if I take a sharp corner. But Soccer Mom of Straight A Students at X Elementary who voted for McCain/Obama will not be appearing on our vehicle any time soon. Well, I'm not a soccer mom any more anyway, so that's OK by me. I keep trying to persuade him that we do need to take a stand and get the SCA sticker before Gulf War in case we break down on the road, but so far, no such luck.

I also find it vaguely amusing in that sarcastic way of mine, even though my kids enjoyed theUpward program, that the one thing on my car is this magnetic sticker advertising cheerleading. Because I am so NOT a cheerleader, and my girls don't realize it yet but they are so NOT cheerleaders too. Well, Miranda could be because she looks good in a potato sack (just cinch it up!) but maybe she will not figure this out. Or at least I hope I am raising them that way. And this was so NOT a traditional cheerleading program--they just cheer for UpWard, not any one team. They all wear the same uniform (all the flag football teams and all the cheerleaders). Girls can play flag football and boys can be cheerleaders too, although I've never seen any boys do this in Pleasant Valley (we don't have cross-dressing, gender confused children here! Not in our town!) I have heard of girls playing the flag football, but that was in a family of five kids where the rule was that they all had to do the same activity in a season to keep the mom from going bonkers. In Upward, they don't announce who wins the game or even what team is playing (they are all on the UpWard team, get it???) So, how beige can you get???? Flag football becomes non-cmpetitive, and of course, cheerleading always has been, right?

Well, back to Wally-World--this Wally-World has a park!! Seriously, they dug out an area between the two entrances to save a giant live oak, and built a little park around it. The little park even complies with the Americans With Disabilities Act and has little wheelchair ramps (although they are pretty steep), which all the little girl scouts enjoy running up and down, especially with the cookie wagons (the trolley things you are supposed to use in the gardening center). This is one reason NOT to sell cookies there--the girls will want to spend all their time running around in the park instead of asking strangers for money.

This Wally-World has beautiful, gleaming merchandise like you have never seen in a Wally-World. Rose petals for your wedding in seven different colors (got lavender and green on clearance to use for scrapbooking and card making--originally $5 each, now only $1 each). I might make some little fairy swaps or dolls out of the leftover wooden clothespins I saw in the craft bin at home, using these petals as dresses or wings or something. Who knows? The sky is the limit.

Martha Stewart scrapbooking paper--wow! And products featured on her Martha Stewart Infomercial (her noon show). Look, there's the glitter pack that was featured at Christmas! Only $15!! (did not get it; settled for $8 of scrapbook paper. Hate to clean up glitter in the house and it's the last thing we need all over our Gulf War garb; plus I don't need to make glitter birds and fruits and things for Christmas for at least 10 months now).

Need M & M's for the school party tomorrow--well, the chocolate ones are already gone and the candy is pretty picked over. I note that the candy boxes like I got last week for the Valentines are almost gone too. It pays to shop early at Wally-World! This is the most popular aisle today (seasonal) because all the school parties are this week. Oh, look--Harry Potter valentines! Should have gotten those instead of those lame holographic dogs. Maybe next year. Harry Potter is now acceptable at the Gucci Wal-Mart and in Pleasant Valley since he was more of a Christ-like figure in Book 7, sacrificing himself for his friends, etc. Now that it is clear to all the Christians out here that there is fake witchcraft based on bogus Latin spells and there is real evil, personified by Voldemort. But I digress.

OOOOOH! Look at all the cool office supplies! (yesterday I went through the business grocery end--blechh--but today I am having fun and taking the recreational tour). Yes, here's the boring computer paper I forgot yesterday, for only $3.37. But oooooo! Here's a poster of Taylor Lautner on the cover of Rolling Stone. I'm too old to get Rolling Stone any more but I'm not too old to appreciate the charms of Taylor Lautner. He sure has filled out since Shark Boy. The girls call him Shakob (a combination of Shark Boy and Jacob, his character in New Moon). Oh, my! Drool, drool! (Ok, Ok, I know he's young enough to be my son but I can still fantasize, right?) I won't get into it here although it's tempting, but don't you think you'd rather sleep with the warm, furry wolf that was your friend than the cold, bloodsucking vampire who is trying to resist killing you? Just a thought. But I get cold easily in the winter. Cute as Robert Pattinson is (the girls call him Ced-ward based on the Harry Potter Character of Cedric that he played in Goblet of Fire, known as "Giblets of Fur" in our home)--well, cute as he is, the idea of sex with someone who is--uh--that cold ALL over-- is not very appealing, at least to me. But I digress.

On the the REAL sewing aisle. The other day I got some scissors and a thread box and all sorts of little "notions" that will help me pretend that I am really a seamstress when my friend Viviana comes over to cut out fabric with me for Gulf Wars. So, nothing today, and I will skip the jewelry supplies with their gleaming beads and crystals. I started to get into that hobby but I am not into that today. Let's see--can skip automotive--got the Scotchguard for the tent there already. Looking through all the cheap towels and blankets and rugs--no, don't want to spend this much for rugs for Gulf War--I can probably borrow them instead from a friend. These are for use indoors (who would use rugs indoors anyway--aren't they for camping??) So no rugs today, and why would I want to decorate my house when I am focused on decorating my tent at Gulf Wars??? I really need to hit World Market o the next Dreaded Pay Day.

Skipping the camping equipment too--got Robert his Valentine's Day present there the other day (I can't say what it is in case he is reading, but Robert, it's not the $160 tent!) Looking through toys--still out of the $7.44 Zhu Zhu pets. Bummer. It's a good thing I made Robert go by a different Wally-World on the way home from work so we could have a gift for Sunday's birthday party. Skipping the movies--too much temptation. I want Julie and Julia and the three seasons of the old Beauty and the Beast show--and for $55 this could all be mine!! But I haven't finished all the BBC Robin Hoods yet or even made it through my Cricut video so I guess I will stay away. Maybe I will get some of it for Valentine's Day instead of flowers--hint, hint. Electronics--yuk. That's for men and women looking to meet men. Skip it. Clothing--already got the $10 boots on clearance the other day. Don't think they got in any more kids boots--we are done for the season unless we want purple, and it's not very Period. Already got the men's underwear and pjs to wear under our clothes (they don't have anything this utilitarian for me so I will just have to squeeze my bust into men's stuff to attain that medieval bust line). Brought back the stuff that didn't fit and got my sweet potatos refunded (they actually have a LOG of stuff that get's left behind! How cool! I don't think Tar-jay did that!)

Well, the fun is almost over. I already got $1.50 plastic tablecloths for Saturday's Kindom A & S event (it's for the kids' area--otherwise I would use fabric). I know they are cheaper at the dollar store but I don't want to go there today--way too much temptation at the dollar store for someone who is already buying green rose petals. And Wally-World doesn't have fabric any more, and I want some linen for a gift; I had some cheap linen but now I have decided I want that for my embroidery, so on to Hancock Fabrics to buy some expensive linen, even at 30% off.

Time to check out at Wally-World after a few food items are added to the cart. Did you notice that they have brown stained concrete floors? Looks great, nice and cheap (and hell on my feet). Did you notice the flourescent lighting and skylights to keep down the light bills (it beats keeping the lights off for 4 hours every morning like they used to do at JCP). Did you notice the fresh flowers, the sushi bar, the bakery goods that are all shiny and gleaming? Too pretty to eat. Does nayone actually buy them or are they made out of plastic like the sushi displays in the Japanese restaurants in San Francisco? How about the "to go" area for those who don't cook--soups, and salads and all sorts of lovely, overpriced but ready to eat merchandise. Pick up dinner in a second (well, not today--we have stuff at home already). Did you notice that if they aren't busy they will take your cart from you in the parking lot so you don't have to put it up yourself? Did you notice the secondary seasonal aisle across from the groceries--it was the SuperBowl one stop shop only a week ago, where I bought Rotel and Velveeta that I still haven't even used (can't stand Velveeta except when it is microwaved with Rotel to make queso, and then it's AWESOME!!)

This week "mini seasonal" as we used to call it at Tar-Jay is focused on last minute Valentines' gifts for people who want to spend less than $10. (This is actually the point in real life where I actually had to go back across the store again and get the M & M's for the party because the kid's party stuff was in the Seasonal section across the store, in order to get all the moms to walk by the scrapbooking stuff. So I walked by the scrapbooking stuff TWICE).

So, back across the store cursing silently. No matter how efficient I try to be I just don't know the store well enough to avoid backtracking. Screaming kid in the background-- sounds like Godzilla--and I am reminded that it is Wally-World after all. Should have brought my i-pod like my friend Wendy does, but then I might have missed something like that deal on green and lavender rose petals. By God, I love retail!!!!

Zombie Mom and the Dreaded Pay Day

Zombie mom here again. Yes, this time I truly do feel like Night of the Living Dead. I wish I could tell you that this is a hangover, but even I don't get hung over after a cranberry juice and vodka or two (good for bladder health or so they tell me).

I was a bad bad girl last night. No, I didn't stay up late pleasing my husband or anything fun like that. I was a bad bad girl because I stayed up late sewing for Gulf Wars and catching up on LOST and American Idol, WITH the light on because I needed it for sewing, while Hubby tried to sleep.

Gulf Wars is a big SCA Event down near Lumberton, Mississippi every spring. We have been in the SCA for 2 1/2 or so years and have never gone. It is a week-long melee battle or series of battles, but there are also classes, shopping, children's activites--you name it. For a WEEK!! Sometimes it does not coincide with our spring break but this year it does. The girls have been begging to go for more than a year so we are going to give it a try.

Now, this getting ready for WAR (in the middle of Destination Imagination, Cookie season and Girl Scout Thinking Day, not to mention the big spring Consignment Sale) is going to KILL me!!! I am literally working every minute of every day on something. Cleaning up the barbies, getting the stuff done to present the WAGGS patch, researching Coloumbian food for Thinking Day, talking people into buying cookies (hope I can talk them into paying on time too)..you name it but Supermom, who is turning into Zombie Mom by the minute, is doing it. A friend said I am overcompensating for not working as a lawyer. Well, I don't have time to see a shrink, but maybe she is right.

Another friend is kindly helping me by doing a lot of sewing of garb for the family. "Garb" is the name for the costumes that we will wear during Gulf War--at least one per day unless it pours rain like two years ago. Having been to Scarby over an extremely rainy Memorial Day weekend (but having a nice hotel at the end of the day, not a tent), I wholeheartedly agree--take all the clothes we have and then add as much as we can possibly afford to make between now and then. My friend works full time and takes on too much because she's one of these incredibly talented people, and maybe she is overcompensating for something in her life too. Anyway, I am doing the handsewing and I will help her in any way I can, but if I have to sew them together it will be a miracle if we are ready for Gulf War 2011. Seriously.

I am not a seamstress and I really hate sewing machines. I don't like noisy machines anyway, including vaccuums. I even dislike motorcycles and have never been on one (and probably never will). Leafblowers. Snowblowers. Ick Ick Ick. Hate noise pollution, HATE it. Only watch tv during the day or have it on if there's an ice storm or I am doing laundry; otherwise, I MIGHT listen to a little music, but I love silence. I have other reasons why I don't like sewing, mostly relating to the fact that my mom is a wonderful seamstress and I could just never get the hang of it (or felt like I couldn't, or felt like what I did wasn't good enough, so I gave up). I wish I could tell you that this was my mom's fault but it probably wasn't-- I don't specifically remember any criticisms at all, and in fact I remember her telling me after I took a class that I was a good seamstress and should stick with it. Since I did this class about the same time I took typing and I am a really excellent typist, she was probably right. I probably just deep down don't like the noise.

So Zombie Mom did hand sewing from 10 pm to 2 am on a gauze dress. Love gauze for the faire; hate sewing on it by hand. It's thin and light and my pins won's stay in it, plus I am not very good at hemming these very wide and long skirts. But it's an underdress for the girls, and it's in Ansteorra gold, and my friend even gave me the fabric, so I really can't complain. I just wish the damned thing was done this morning so I could move on to something that is easier for me to sew on. I started with it first because I knew I was going to hate it but I didn't think I'd still be working on it today.

It's also the Dreaded Pay Day. Now, Pay Day is nice because then you get money. But Dreaded Pay Day is tough because I have to run around like a maniac all day doing errands and using up my husband's paycheck before there isn't enough left to buy groceries. It's so much pressure!!! I think he really felt it last time when he got stuck doing all the Dreaded Pay Day errands while I was on Scrapbook Retreat. He had 9 errands to do, and no, they did not all get done--now, 2 weeks later, I am still doing them, AND getting fleece for cloaks and blankets, and going grocery shopping at Wally World (read Wal-Mart), and going to the liquor store (about time--this errand has been skipped for about three paychecks). And I have a church luncheon at 11 on how to keep God in my marriage (why? Did he leave? I thought three in a marriage was a bit crowded, as Princess Diana said).

Sorry to be sacreligious--I wouldn't be going if I didn't think it would be good. These luncheons at my church are excellent and good for the soul. And I don't have any objection to keeping God in my marriage, although I don't know if my husband wants him there. Is God there during sex? I am not sure I want to think of this in the middle of...well, anyway, time to sign off and drink some coffee.

Pleasant Valley Mom