Well, the Scarborough Faire season is in full swing, which explains why I am sleeping more and writing less. I have managed to spend most of the last two weekends in Waxahatchie, Texas, which is about an hour or so from here. During the week I am washing all the garb and trying to get ready for the next outing.
Dressing for Ren Faires and going to Ren Faires is very different in some ways than being in the SCA. The garb is more outrageous and often less period, meaning you can get away with pretty much anything you want to wear. Lots of cleavage, for example, is generally showing, which is probably not the way most of the people dressed (except perhaps the royalty and entourage) during the Tudor period. Also, there are wizards and fairies and pirates and even Princess Leia may make an appearance. Not to mention all the people in mundane clothes (also referred to as "naked.") These are the people that get picked to be in all the shows, so wearing garb is a great way to keep yourself OUT of the shows. Some people wear whatever they can throw together and some people have very carefully put together and maintained outfits. And some of the outfits are outrageously expensive too (one place we looked at sells $600 custom boots, for example).
I heard a great comment/joke or two from the Flaming Idiots act on Sunday. They commented that pirates were the terrorists of their day, so having Pirate Weekend is kind of like having Jihad Weekend. Saying, "Yay! Look at all the pirates!" is kind of like saying, "Yay ! Look at all the Taliban!"
It is revisionist history at its best. At Scarborough, we pretend that we don't remember what eventually happened to Anne Boleyn and various other cast members, such as her drunken brother George, and pretend that everyone gets along famously.
There are muskateers. There are middle eastern dancers. There are Germans wearing lots of feathers and gypsies wearing lots of fabrics. There is a troll, and a tinker knome named Noobler (the girls are still scared of poor Noobler). And there are people selling pretzels and pickeles and steak on a stake. There are wonderful shops full of lovely handcrafted items, but many items are a bit expensive. There are lots of kids swords and costumes available for sale too (people will buy stuff for their kids before they buy it for themselves).
My husband and I used to go separately even before we met. We also have been to the Faire with a variety of friends and relatives, so it is different every time we go. It depends on what activities you do. After we had the girls and we all started dressing up, we decided to get season passes, and of course we realized that we really couldn't see everything in just one visit. We enjoy the entertainment in particular, and there are constant shows and musical acts and lane entertainment all over the place (over 200 different performances a day). Because you are sitting on some rather hard benches with no backs, 3 to 4 shows is about all you can take in for one day, so it really does take the season to make the rounds and see all the performances. Even though we've seen many of them before, they are like old friends, and there are new jokes every year. And there's nothing like the live singing and music and dancing. Many of the performers really do this for a living and travel the country going to different Renaissance Faires, so most of them are fairly talented. Although we don't travel the country attending Ren Faires like some people do (it would get rather expensive and the girls do have school), I can certainly understand the appeal.
So, why do we do it? We used to go once a season in mundane clothes--why do we dress up all the time now and go as much as possible? It's certainly not good for the pocketbook--even though we don't have to pay admission, parking or for water and gatorade (covered by our Friends of the Faire passes), we have to buy food and tip the performers and we always end up buying OTHER STUFF during the season. It has become for us like going to the annual faire would have been in period times: oh, yes, I need some more soap from the Roman Baths place and I need a new corset, and I'd like one of those hairsticks this year....and the kids are now moving on to wanting the more expensive toys and puppets and such, and maybe this is the year to get Robert a doublet, etc etc (Remember, I don't sew very well compared to most SCA people). Of course, we are getting so we don't need as much stuff (although we still both need decent period footwear but hope to find something that is a lot less than $500 each!!!)Actually there was a merchant at Gulf War that we will probably check out on line because they are at Scarbie but can't sell boots there. The organizers limit the number of people who can sell each particular type of merchandise and try to spread them out as well. So maybe one day we will have decent period style boots (my feet are doing very well in the hiking boots right now, although I'm walking more like a lumberjack and less like a lady).
I think we go because we enjoy being in a different place and time. Although there are plenty of intrustions from the modern world it is still entertaining. It is all outside and goes on rain or shine (as we definitely found out this weekend as we were sitting through a few shows in the rain). The foliage in the ravine is beautiful that time of year and we are surrounded by period style wooden buildings. The rides are powered by human power, not mechanized (in fact, I can't ride any of them any more--I get too dizzy. They don't move as fast as things like roller coasters, so if you don't have a strong stomach, stay off!) It allows us to escape from the every day world. We don't have to wait in lines for things--there's always room to sit somewhere during the various shows, and if you get there late or need to leave early, you just sit down or get up. If there is a line for something it's usually at the bar, and it's usually not very long--maybe 2-3 people ahead of you. So, it's much more appealing than Disney World or even the State Fair--no concrete and basically no lines. So, not a lot of stress either. The main stress is driving down there (and it's a pretty easy drive once you get out of Dallas) and driving back (usually worse because you are tired). And we listen to period and period style music both ways and sing along. If you want to spend all day at East Wind Games and play chess, it's fine. If you want to sit for an hour in a pub and listen to people sing, and maybe even sing along, no problem. You don't have to drink or eat anything unless you want to. You don't have to tip the performers unless you want to (we always do though we don't give big tips because we are trying to make the cash last!) YOu don't have to go in the shops either although it's mighty tempting and part of the experience to see the things that people have made.
So we find it very relaxing and don't realize how tired we really are until we get home that night--and then we are usually EXHAUSTED!!!! Especially my husband who does the driving, and I was pretty tired the night that I drove back by myself.
The Faire has definitely gotten more "corporate" and "child centric" over the years, however. EVERY ACT has CDs, t shirts, even DVDs for purchase and is hawking them now during the performance. That gets a little old. They are even selling period style umbrellas this year (such as one that looks like peacock feathers and black one that looks like cathedral windows inside)! We even bought the peacock one Saturday because I knew if we did it would stop raining (and it worked!)
You can still go in the shops for a chat with people if they aren't busy, and they know a lot of people are not buyers but lookers--however, they are more likely to jump on you and start showing you things these days. There are a lot of things that are directed toward the children--not only merchandise but shows, and of course this means that you spend more when you are with your kids (we always limit our kids to two rides and one item purchased, and if they want something big they need to "save up for it," but it still gets expensive). There are lots of PG-13 warnings for the shows that are later in the day (after 5), which I know makes some parents skittish, but at least they won't be surprised. There are lots of shows for kids that will be entertaining for the adults as well, such as the Docktor Kaboom science show or the turtle races (OK, these get really tedious for adults but the kids love them), and the knife show. Fortunately my kids enjoy the musical performances so that is usually a good bet for them, plus I've learned over the years that if you buy your child an Italian ice to eat, it will entertain them for about 30 minutes through just about any show you want to see. And the PG-13 shows are very funny, even if you have seen them before.
I don't know why I like seeing the same shows over and over. I think it is like re-reading books. They are like old friends. Of course, there are new jokes and there are spontaneous things that happen, and there are things that you thought were spontaneous the first time that you realize are part of the act. But being in a live crowd where people are encouraged to participate and make noise is kind of fun--a lot more fun than going to the movies, at any rate. And it's always amazing to see if Daniel Duke of Danger can really do that stunt again without falling, or if the Fire Juggler really will take his shirt off and light his nipple (not kidding-he really does this). And after all, there are so many shows that often we only see the favorites once (or twice) a season. The musical shows always vary too, and sometimes even take requests.
Maybe it's just the comfort of being in a familiar place that is at the same time so far out of what the familiar is that it does in fact transport you. One of our friends who went with us the first weekend has not been in 20 years, and she yelled something out to one of the performers in response to a query, then turned to me and said, "I behave differently down here." Well, I think we all do. It's more fun that way. We can be more extroverted. And yet it's very comfortable for us because we know where everything is, even particular shops (this took years to get down though). One time one of the performers said to us at the Friends of the Faire dinner, "Welcome Home." So we know it is not home, and yet in a way, it is the Home we would have if we didn't have mundane concerns, like needing groceries and a paycheck. Sometimes I think it would be fun to be an artisan and make stuff and have a little shop, but then of course you would never get to go see the entertainment and such, and it would be tedious after a while and more like mundane life. Having it as a business would be much less fun, of course, and would make it all entirely too serious.
So here's to 3o years of Scarborough Faire (excuse me, Renaissance Festival). And here's hoping that we are still able to go 20 years from now. I don't expect everyone to understand why we have this obsession, but I know that it is one of the highlights of our year, and unfortunately it seems to have ruined us for other faires and festivals (unless they are perhaps ren faires). Because nothing is as fun for us as Scarborough.
Pleasant Valley Mom (Getting organized for next weekend)
Showing posts with label Scarborough Faire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scarborough Faire. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
What a Strange Easter! Or Sometimes You Need to Sleep.
Well, Easter has flown by in a blur and I must say that this was a strange one. I had big hopes and plans that disintegrated for the most part due to my being overly ambitious about everyone having the perfect Easter. Well, it was an interesting Easter. I got the bunnies and other decorations up the week before despite the chaos in the house left over from Gulf Wars and the Garage Sale. We did make it to church although it was a bit of a disappointment.
I had big plans to go to the church potluck and service on Thursday night, but my friend and I were also going to have Part II of the Big Garage Sale on Friday morning, and I was still pulling and marking stuff at 5 pm. Plus, I had not made my potluck dish of Brownies and thought that taking a loaf a bread was just a little too--cheap. Plus, my friend had been telling me since noon that she was on her way over with a load of stuff for the sale and guess what time she got there? 5:30 pm. So no Thursday service, I guess.
The reason that we were having part II of the garage sale on Good Friday instead of LAST Friday was that (1) I was not ready last Friday and (2) her kids were sick and she was not ready either. So we thought we could do it quickly and easily on Friday morning, then get on with our lives. But there is no such thing as a quick and easy garage sale.
I had planned to go to the Dallas Arboretum Friday with the kids since R had to work, but then it rained Thurs night, and the weather forcast said it would rain again Friday afternoon. I do not enjoy being stuck all the way over at the Arboretum in Dallas, which is a good 45 minutes to an hour from here, in the pouring rain. The kids did not seem particularly thrilled about going either, so I decided that we would do the garage sale and then I would go do some Easter grocery shopping like a good mom, maybe making it to the Friday pm service.
Well, R and I got up at 5 am on Friday and we could not see the sky. The weather report now said 80% chance of rain but we put stuff out anyway. My friend overslept, but after a few phone calls she arrived finally with her kids about 6:30 am and we sent R out with the signs. Well, by the time he got back it was raining. We kept covering things and moving things in to the garage but I did not want the sale IN the garage because of all the tools and bikes and camping equipment in there that were NOT for sale. We finally called it off at 7 and R went and got the signs, because he had a conference call at 8. Well, about the time he got back, it stopped raining!! So then I just had a garage full of wet stuff. My friend and I decided we would try again the NEXT Friday. That's what we get for trying to do a sale on Good Friday.
We had two customers, who together bought some of my friend's toys, and I may be buying some of her junk too (she has an electric guitar and an Eretor set, two things my girls would like but I don't want to spend a lot of money on). So my friend made money. I didn't make ONE Dime.
Then, since the sale was cancelled, the kids (who were out of school and were going to work the sale and sell drinks, etc) were kind of disappointed. So I agreed to take the three girls to a matinee movie. My friend said her other son had a hurt ankle and needed to go to the doctor so she couldn't go to the movies (as of Friday night she still hadn't taken him to the doctor though). I was thinking it would be $5 a kid, but NO, they wanted to see the 3-D version of something or the new Miley Cyrus sappy movie. I talked them into the Train Your Dragon film (A wanted to see Clash of the Titans but it is PG 13 so I said no). We saw the dragon film and split some cokes and popcorn, so $36 plus $18 is...well you get the picture. Then we had lunch ($5 each) and then we got to go to Walley World for shopping. M and her friend wore the wrong shoes for this so they were walking around Walley World without shoes on, complaining of blisters. As a Bad Mom, I had left all my bandaids back at the house.
At one point one of the kids spilled a sample drink and I sent the two of them (M and her friend) to go get someone to wipe it up while A, who still had her drink, stayed with me and the spill. Then they disappeared and didn't come back promptly, so I walked to the front looking for them. Then I alerted Wally World that they were missing and they had to do an Adam Alert in the store to find thethem, so I won't be letting them wander off again. So I really AM a bad mom--almost lost not only my child but someone else's child.
In fact, I saw a neighbor at the restaurant just before Wally World. She LEFT her kids at the movies (boys, the same age as my kids and younger) and went and had a facial. She, of course, got away with it. I would NEVER have done that in a million years. I told her I was going to Walley World with the three of them next and she said, "I hope you have liquor at home." (The good news--yes, I do).
So, Wally World was interesting, to say the least. I haven't told R about the Adam Alert yet. Maybe he will read the blog and find out. I didn't get all the groceries I needed because the kids got bored once I got them the Special Wally World edition of New Moon. That was their other big request this weekend: they wanted to Watch New Moon. And Ben Hur. And Jesus of Nazareth.
After unloading all the Wally World crap I helped the kids and their friend dye Easter eggs. Then I was exhausted and laid down for a nap, and slept until 7 pm. So no Friday service either. In fact, R had to go get Chinese food. We were supposed to be going to Elfsea Defender for the day on Saturday where we would do an egg hunt (I fixed up some eggs for a hunt with change in them but I was very unclear as to when said hunt would materialize--had planned on doing it at Defender). I had packed everything except the cooler already so I would not have to do it all Friday night.
As we ate our Chinese food while R complained that I haven't cooked since Gulf Wars (which I assure you is quite the exaggeration). At any rate, most of the Defender stuff was laid out. I started the girls into picking out their Easter outfits from what was already available in the closet. Literally ONE WEEK ago, A tried on some stuff we already had and told me it would be fine for Easter. Well, guess what? A decides Friday night that the pink shoes and the pink dresses she already has don't fit and she must wear M's shoes on Easter, meaning M now has no shoes!
So I go to bed with a headache and I awoke at 5 am with the same headache. R says we should get up to go to Defender but I am not feeling so great this morning. So we slept until 6 at which point we decided NOT to go to Defender (despite the fact that everyone's clothes are laid out and I am almost packed). I just did not feel good-- Ithink it was allergies (because in truth I was NOT hitting the bottle Friday night, just drinking plain orange juice with my Chinese food).
(I am drinking lots and lots of a particular brand of orange juice lately because the bottle looks like a dombek and I am hoping to get through 20 bottles in time to use the bottles for drum making at Warlord on Memorial Day weekend. I am crazed.)
So, we did NOT go to Elfsea Defender, which I regretted by about 10 am when I finally got up and got moving on the day. Sometimes you just need to sleep. R and I could not remember the last time we had slept until 9 am, and the girls didn't get up before then either.
At any rate, R and I argued because he hasn't done the taxes yet, I watched part of New Moon, then I went Easter shopping since the kids had gone to a friend's house to decorate MORE Easter eggs. I got a new dress each for M and A since there were "dress issues" Friday night as well, and two new pairs of shoes for M (flats and heels), plus a few other things. And I got a new Easter outfit for myself, the first in about 5 years. So, in other words, I had one of those weekends where I feel like all I did was spend money.
A didn't like the Easter dress that I got her so M decided to wear it instead on Easter Sunday and A wore one of the old dresses and some old shoes after all. Oh well. The dresses I got can be worn this summer as well. both by M if necessary, and are casual enough to wear other places besides church. I think we are finally at that stage where the fancy dresses and the tights and hats and such are too "little girl" for my girls.
R set the alarm for 6:30 Easter Sunday but I didn't hear it, even though I fell asleep early on Sat night watching (you guessed it) NEW MOON. Shopping exhausts me, especially trying on clothes myself. I avoid it like the plague. I had not even looked for Ben Hur or Jesus of Nazareth yet--still haven't. The plan had been to watch at least one of these on the way to and from Defender but since we didn't go...well, I guess we will have to watch them later. Who says Easter has to only be one weekend? We still haven't even done our egg hunt yet.
So, on Sunday we are up at 7:30 trying to make a 9:30 service, and I am insisting we have to be there by 9:10 in order to get a seat (which is true, you know). I had done the Easter baskets already on Friday night, so I put them out. I think this will be the last year for Easter Baskets too. I don't think anyone believes in the Bunny any more, and how can you when you get flip flops and earrings in your Easter basket? With chocolate of course. But M doesn't like any candy but chocolate, and she was even separating her stuff out saying it smelled too chocolatety. She's just not a big candy girl, but A makes up for it.
We went to the contemporary 9:30 service, which was nice although a bit disjointed. We really like the guy who sings and plays guitar at our church but we aren't fond of the new pastor (who has been there for a year and a half but we still call him the NEW pastor). He's just a little too corporate--a little too keen on money raising if you know what I mean, and just a little too...well, slick. I'm sure he's a nice person but everything he does is very calculated and just a little manipulative. I really enjoyed the music portion of the service and the interpretive dancers at the end. Now the message was fine--relating to stained glass windows, and how we are all broken but can be put into stained glass windows if we let the light of Christ shine through, etc.--didn't have a problem with the general meassage. One of our associate pastors takes leftover stained glass pieces and makes crosses, and I enjoyed the film showing how he does this, and how it tied into the message. I enjoyed seeing the large cross that he took several weeks to make.
However, before the service they were listing some "historical" facts about stained glass and this part irritated me (and R too), almost to the point that we found it hard to concentrate on the main message. For one thing, they spelled "Chartres" wrong. If you are writing about great Gothic cathedrals, folks, use Spell Check once in a while, will you? Then they talked about how Oliver Cromwell had all the stained glass in English churches destroyed when Henry VIII dissolved the monastaries (they mean Thomas Cromwell. Oliver was his Grandson. Doesn't anyone watch The Tudors? Also, I don't know that ALL the stained glass was necessarily destroyed, although a good bit of it probably was.). Then they talked about how Oliver died of Malaria, which may be true (haven't looked it up yet), but Thomas (the one who worked with Henry VIII) did NOT die of Malaria--he was beheaded for his part in getting Henry VIII to marry Anne of Cleves. And they were really talking about Thomas to begin with, they just didn't know it. But they were trying to tie it in with their Anti Malaria Initiative (raising money to help erradicate malaria in Africa, a noble goal).
So the historical accuracy thing was a real annoyance. How can I take a message seriously when they don't get the facts right? How do I know they are getting the other facts right? They also said that stained glass could be done quickly and easily today (well, not if it's done RIGHT! Even the Associate Pastor's work took three weeks) and they also compared the media screens that we use to stained glass windows and said we didn't need them any more in our churches to tell bible stories because now we have MEDIA. To me, that's like saying we don't need art (i.e. painting and sculpture) any more because we have HDTV. Instead of viewing the Pieta or the great Renaissance paintings we can just watch Jesus of Nazareth or Ben Hur. Or excuse me, a more updated version of events like The Passion (can't even let my kids watch this--it's rated R). Kind of a stupid philistine take on things, if you ask me!!! Not that there is anything wrong with watching contemporary media, but how about a little respect for the past and for the sublime nature of art? Talk about smashing stained glass windows! And what was that saying about people who live in glass houses, anyway???
So, no respect for the past at this church. Out with the old, in with the new. There wasn't even a children's message. Now I like the children's message at Easter because we get to see all the kids go up front in all their finery and the kids get to be part of the service and really understand something about Easter and Jesus. I know my kids are almost too old for this now but I still like it. I'm really glad now that I was too sick to come on Palm Sunday--maybe they eliminated the Palms and the kids marching in with them. They probably decided they could just show a video instead.
Maybe it's time to change churches. Seriously. I do believe and embrace the general message (let the light of Christ shine through you), and I'm sure I'm not doing it with my blog today very well. But some of the messengers have their heads screwed on wrong, don't you think? So this is the best they can do on Easter Sunday??????? As our friend Drew remarked, this should be your Best Effort because it's generally your Biggest Audience. No wonder there was still space available in a few of the pews.
Wow, if it's not standing room only on Easter Sunday, that must be difficult if you are a minister. I remember a few years ago they had to run TWO services in two locations simultaneouly on Easter, AND show it on a screen in the lobby, to accomodate the crowds. Well, I don't think that was happening at our church this Sunday.
In fact, maybe the real highlight for me was Brunch. We went to a really nice brunch for Easter. I bought a ham but we have had so much ham since Christmas (and Gulf Wars) that I think I will barf if I eat any more ham--I will just cook this and Seal a Meal it, I believe.
Brunch was AWESOME! We have a restaurant called Sonoma Grill that we usually don't eat at because it's expensive, but I sure like their Easter brunch. The appetizer choices were eggs benedict, pancakes, crab cakes, or several other yummy things. The entrees were almond crusted chicken, salmon, lamb chops, ham, and prime rib. The desserts were chocolate ganache cake, white chocolate cake with rasberry sauce, and carrot cake, and they had bottomless mimosas. I'm not a big champagne fan but I can drink mimosas (I guess it's the orange juice--lately I just want to drink orange juice all the time). Just what I need at 11 am on a Sunday! Booze! There was enough food left over that I get to have the leftovers today for lunch!!!!! The girls were good sports about the trendy Americano food and A loved the salmon and pancakes, although not the arborio rice, and I ended up trading vegetables with M too, who got the chicken. Miranda and I also got the eggs benedict because it was still breakfast time, although R got the crab cakes and I think we should have done the same. A got the pancakes, of course. They all got the chocolate cake but I got the white chocolate because I knew I would be sick from all that food otherwise. And there were dessert leftovers as well!
I love leftovers. I am the leftover queen. I don't like to waste food so I always try to bring home half (or at least a third) of my restaurant food and eat it the next day. I really hate leaving half full plates in restaurants so I ALWAYS get a goody bag. Seriously. This is a trick in a magazine that I read to help keep you from overeating in restaurants, and it sometimes even works. So far, no food poisoning has occurred. It's just one of my little idiosyncracies. If someone has lamb chops I will even bring home the bones (for the dogs, not for me). If I forget the food and do have to throw it out a day or two later, then at least it is my choice to waste it--I'm not just wasting it because I can't eat any more or shouldn't eat any more. You would not believe the number of meals that I have not had to cook because I do this. Seriously.
Anyway, after we stuffed ourselves at brunch and got our leftovers, we went to the gazebo out in the shopping center where the restaurant is and took some Easter pictures. Then we went hometo change clothes and go down to Scarborough Faire in Waxahatchie, because this was ALSO the day of the Scarborough Academy of Performing Arts Friends of the Faire event! They started at 1 pm, but we made it by 2 pm since we did need to go home and change out of the Easter finery. The performers do their dress rehearsal at this event and rehearsed the chess match, the pub sing, opening and closing ceremonies, etc. The new jousting company was out there practicing (but since they didn't have armour on they didn't actually hit each other). But we got to pat the horses and the girls got to be in the procession for the new company! We saw our friend Drew and got to eat a great German dinner--thank goodness they didn't have lasagna again, which I despise (although the girls and I opted for the baked potatos-still too full from brunch I guess, even by 5 pm).
It is the 30th year of Scarborough Faire (excuse me, Renaissance Festival) this year. I remember going (not with R but with the ex boyfriend) in the late 1980's, and I know R and I were going by the early 90's. In fact, I have pictures from 1997 if not before. Hard to believe that it has really been THIRTY years, and I know I was there for a lot of them. The Faire started about the time that I moved to Dallas. We missed 2000 when the girls were born (they were at risk for RSV and couldn't really go out until June), but other than that I know we have been there every year since at least 1995. We used to go once a season--now we go pretty much every weekend!!!! In 2001 we took them in their twin stroller for half a day. By 2003 they were wearing costumes. By 2005 we were ALL wearing costumes. By 2008 we had joined the SCA and now we all wear GARB, and not just for Scarby.
Of course, we will be fitting in some SCA events too this spring, although most likely just the closer local ones (since the Scarby tickets are paid for and it's only an hour away). I am sad that we missed Defender but sometimes you just need to sleep. However, we will be at Glaslyn's Defender and I am going to try to convince R to go to the Defender of the Tor event which is only about 2 hours away. But I think we will be missing the Austin event next weekend (which is supposed to be an awesome event) because it's SCARBY OPENING WEEKEND!!!
So, the house is a mess and the yard is a mess, and it's time for me to get to work. Only 5 days until Scarby begins!!!
Pleasant Valley Mom who is really looking forward to the brunch leftovers
I had big plans to go to the church potluck and service on Thursday night, but my friend and I were also going to have Part II of the Big Garage Sale on Friday morning, and I was still pulling and marking stuff at 5 pm. Plus, I had not made my potluck dish of Brownies and thought that taking a loaf a bread was just a little too--cheap. Plus, my friend had been telling me since noon that she was on her way over with a load of stuff for the sale and guess what time she got there? 5:30 pm. So no Thursday service, I guess.
The reason that we were having part II of the garage sale on Good Friday instead of LAST Friday was that (1) I was not ready last Friday and (2) her kids were sick and she was not ready either. So we thought we could do it quickly and easily on Friday morning, then get on with our lives. But there is no such thing as a quick and easy garage sale.
I had planned to go to the Dallas Arboretum Friday with the kids since R had to work, but then it rained Thurs night, and the weather forcast said it would rain again Friday afternoon. I do not enjoy being stuck all the way over at the Arboretum in Dallas, which is a good 45 minutes to an hour from here, in the pouring rain. The kids did not seem particularly thrilled about going either, so I decided that we would do the garage sale and then I would go do some Easter grocery shopping like a good mom, maybe making it to the Friday pm service.
Well, R and I got up at 5 am on Friday and we could not see the sky. The weather report now said 80% chance of rain but we put stuff out anyway. My friend overslept, but after a few phone calls she arrived finally with her kids about 6:30 am and we sent R out with the signs. Well, by the time he got back it was raining. We kept covering things and moving things in to the garage but I did not want the sale IN the garage because of all the tools and bikes and camping equipment in there that were NOT for sale. We finally called it off at 7 and R went and got the signs, because he had a conference call at 8. Well, about the time he got back, it stopped raining!! So then I just had a garage full of wet stuff. My friend and I decided we would try again the NEXT Friday. That's what we get for trying to do a sale on Good Friday.
We had two customers, who together bought some of my friend's toys, and I may be buying some of her junk too (she has an electric guitar and an Eretor set, two things my girls would like but I don't want to spend a lot of money on). So my friend made money. I didn't make ONE Dime.
Then, since the sale was cancelled, the kids (who were out of school and were going to work the sale and sell drinks, etc) were kind of disappointed. So I agreed to take the three girls to a matinee movie. My friend said her other son had a hurt ankle and needed to go to the doctor so she couldn't go to the movies (as of Friday night she still hadn't taken him to the doctor though). I was thinking it would be $5 a kid, but NO, they wanted to see the 3-D version of something or the new Miley Cyrus sappy movie. I talked them into the Train Your Dragon film (A wanted to see Clash of the Titans but it is PG 13 so I said no). We saw the dragon film and split some cokes and popcorn, so $36 plus $18 is...well you get the picture. Then we had lunch ($5 each) and then we got to go to Walley World for shopping. M and her friend wore the wrong shoes for this so they were walking around Walley World without shoes on, complaining of blisters. As a Bad Mom, I had left all my bandaids back at the house.
At one point one of the kids spilled a sample drink and I sent the two of them (M and her friend) to go get someone to wipe it up while A, who still had her drink, stayed with me and the spill. Then they disappeared and didn't come back promptly, so I walked to the front looking for them. Then I alerted Wally World that they were missing and they had to do an Adam Alert in the store to find thethem, so I won't be letting them wander off again. So I really AM a bad mom--almost lost not only my child but someone else's child.
In fact, I saw a neighbor at the restaurant just before Wally World. She LEFT her kids at the movies (boys, the same age as my kids and younger) and went and had a facial. She, of course, got away with it. I would NEVER have done that in a million years. I told her I was going to Walley World with the three of them next and she said, "I hope you have liquor at home." (The good news--yes, I do).
So, Wally World was interesting, to say the least. I haven't told R about the Adam Alert yet. Maybe he will read the blog and find out. I didn't get all the groceries I needed because the kids got bored once I got them the Special Wally World edition of New Moon. That was their other big request this weekend: they wanted to Watch New Moon. And Ben Hur. And Jesus of Nazareth.
After unloading all the Wally World crap I helped the kids and their friend dye Easter eggs. Then I was exhausted and laid down for a nap, and slept until 7 pm. So no Friday service either. In fact, R had to go get Chinese food. We were supposed to be going to Elfsea Defender for the day on Saturday where we would do an egg hunt (I fixed up some eggs for a hunt with change in them but I was very unclear as to when said hunt would materialize--had planned on doing it at Defender). I had packed everything except the cooler already so I would not have to do it all Friday night.
As we ate our Chinese food while R complained that I haven't cooked since Gulf Wars (which I assure you is quite the exaggeration). At any rate, most of the Defender stuff was laid out. I started the girls into picking out their Easter outfits from what was already available in the closet. Literally ONE WEEK ago, A tried on some stuff we already had and told me it would be fine for Easter. Well, guess what? A decides Friday night that the pink shoes and the pink dresses she already has don't fit and she must wear M's shoes on Easter, meaning M now has no shoes!
So I go to bed with a headache and I awoke at 5 am with the same headache. R says we should get up to go to Defender but I am not feeling so great this morning. So we slept until 6 at which point we decided NOT to go to Defender (despite the fact that everyone's clothes are laid out and I am almost packed). I just did not feel good-- Ithink it was allergies (because in truth I was NOT hitting the bottle Friday night, just drinking plain orange juice with my Chinese food).
(I am drinking lots and lots of a particular brand of orange juice lately because the bottle looks like a dombek and I am hoping to get through 20 bottles in time to use the bottles for drum making at Warlord on Memorial Day weekend. I am crazed.)
So, we did NOT go to Elfsea Defender, which I regretted by about 10 am when I finally got up and got moving on the day. Sometimes you just need to sleep. R and I could not remember the last time we had slept until 9 am, and the girls didn't get up before then either.
At any rate, R and I argued because he hasn't done the taxes yet, I watched part of New Moon, then I went Easter shopping since the kids had gone to a friend's house to decorate MORE Easter eggs. I got a new dress each for M and A since there were "dress issues" Friday night as well, and two new pairs of shoes for M (flats and heels), plus a few other things. And I got a new Easter outfit for myself, the first in about 5 years. So, in other words, I had one of those weekends where I feel like all I did was spend money.
A didn't like the Easter dress that I got her so M decided to wear it instead on Easter Sunday and A wore one of the old dresses and some old shoes after all. Oh well. The dresses I got can be worn this summer as well. both by M if necessary, and are casual enough to wear other places besides church. I think we are finally at that stage where the fancy dresses and the tights and hats and such are too "little girl" for my girls.
R set the alarm for 6:30 Easter Sunday but I didn't hear it, even though I fell asleep early on Sat night watching (you guessed it) NEW MOON. Shopping exhausts me, especially trying on clothes myself. I avoid it like the plague. I had not even looked for Ben Hur or Jesus of Nazareth yet--still haven't. The plan had been to watch at least one of these on the way to and from Defender but since we didn't go...well, I guess we will have to watch them later. Who says Easter has to only be one weekend? We still haven't even done our egg hunt yet.
So, on Sunday we are up at 7:30 trying to make a 9:30 service, and I am insisting we have to be there by 9:10 in order to get a seat (which is true, you know). I had done the Easter baskets already on Friday night, so I put them out. I think this will be the last year for Easter Baskets too. I don't think anyone believes in the Bunny any more, and how can you when you get flip flops and earrings in your Easter basket? With chocolate of course. But M doesn't like any candy but chocolate, and she was even separating her stuff out saying it smelled too chocolatety. She's just not a big candy girl, but A makes up for it.
We went to the contemporary 9:30 service, which was nice although a bit disjointed. We really like the guy who sings and plays guitar at our church but we aren't fond of the new pastor (who has been there for a year and a half but we still call him the NEW pastor). He's just a little too corporate--a little too keen on money raising if you know what I mean, and just a little too...well, slick. I'm sure he's a nice person but everything he does is very calculated and just a little manipulative. I really enjoyed the music portion of the service and the interpretive dancers at the end. Now the message was fine--relating to stained glass windows, and how we are all broken but can be put into stained glass windows if we let the light of Christ shine through, etc.--didn't have a problem with the general meassage. One of our associate pastors takes leftover stained glass pieces and makes crosses, and I enjoyed the film showing how he does this, and how it tied into the message. I enjoyed seeing the large cross that he took several weeks to make.
However, before the service they were listing some "historical" facts about stained glass and this part irritated me (and R too), almost to the point that we found it hard to concentrate on the main message. For one thing, they spelled "Chartres" wrong. If you are writing about great Gothic cathedrals, folks, use Spell Check once in a while, will you? Then they talked about how Oliver Cromwell had all the stained glass in English churches destroyed when Henry VIII dissolved the monastaries (they mean Thomas Cromwell. Oliver was his Grandson. Doesn't anyone watch The Tudors? Also, I don't know that ALL the stained glass was necessarily destroyed, although a good bit of it probably was.). Then they talked about how Oliver died of Malaria, which may be true (haven't looked it up yet), but Thomas (the one who worked with Henry VIII) did NOT die of Malaria--he was beheaded for his part in getting Henry VIII to marry Anne of Cleves. And they were really talking about Thomas to begin with, they just didn't know it. But they were trying to tie it in with their Anti Malaria Initiative (raising money to help erradicate malaria in Africa, a noble goal).
So the historical accuracy thing was a real annoyance. How can I take a message seriously when they don't get the facts right? How do I know they are getting the other facts right? They also said that stained glass could be done quickly and easily today (well, not if it's done RIGHT! Even the Associate Pastor's work took three weeks) and they also compared the media screens that we use to stained glass windows and said we didn't need them any more in our churches to tell bible stories because now we have MEDIA. To me, that's like saying we don't need art (i.e. painting and sculpture) any more because we have HDTV. Instead of viewing the Pieta or the great Renaissance paintings we can just watch Jesus of Nazareth or Ben Hur. Or excuse me, a more updated version of events like The Passion (can't even let my kids watch this--it's rated R). Kind of a stupid philistine take on things, if you ask me!!! Not that there is anything wrong with watching contemporary media, but how about a little respect for the past and for the sublime nature of art? Talk about smashing stained glass windows! And what was that saying about people who live in glass houses, anyway???
So, no respect for the past at this church. Out with the old, in with the new. There wasn't even a children's message. Now I like the children's message at Easter because we get to see all the kids go up front in all their finery and the kids get to be part of the service and really understand something about Easter and Jesus. I know my kids are almost too old for this now but I still like it. I'm really glad now that I was too sick to come on Palm Sunday--maybe they eliminated the Palms and the kids marching in with them. They probably decided they could just show a video instead.
Maybe it's time to change churches. Seriously. I do believe and embrace the general message (let the light of Christ shine through you), and I'm sure I'm not doing it with my blog today very well. But some of the messengers have their heads screwed on wrong, don't you think? So this is the best they can do on Easter Sunday??????? As our friend Drew remarked, this should be your Best Effort because it's generally your Biggest Audience. No wonder there was still space available in a few of the pews.
Wow, if it's not standing room only on Easter Sunday, that must be difficult if you are a minister. I remember a few years ago they had to run TWO services in two locations simultaneouly on Easter, AND show it on a screen in the lobby, to accomodate the crowds. Well, I don't think that was happening at our church this Sunday.
In fact, maybe the real highlight for me was Brunch. We went to a really nice brunch for Easter. I bought a ham but we have had so much ham since Christmas (and Gulf Wars) that I think I will barf if I eat any more ham--I will just cook this and Seal a Meal it, I believe.
Brunch was AWESOME! We have a restaurant called Sonoma Grill that we usually don't eat at because it's expensive, but I sure like their Easter brunch. The appetizer choices were eggs benedict, pancakes, crab cakes, or several other yummy things. The entrees were almond crusted chicken, salmon, lamb chops, ham, and prime rib. The desserts were chocolate ganache cake, white chocolate cake with rasberry sauce, and carrot cake, and they had bottomless mimosas. I'm not a big champagne fan but I can drink mimosas (I guess it's the orange juice--lately I just want to drink orange juice all the time). Just what I need at 11 am on a Sunday! Booze! There was enough food left over that I get to have the leftovers today for lunch!!!!! The girls were good sports about the trendy Americano food and A loved the salmon and pancakes, although not the arborio rice, and I ended up trading vegetables with M too, who got the chicken. Miranda and I also got the eggs benedict because it was still breakfast time, although R got the crab cakes and I think we should have done the same. A got the pancakes, of course. They all got the chocolate cake but I got the white chocolate because I knew I would be sick from all that food otherwise. And there were dessert leftovers as well!
I love leftovers. I am the leftover queen. I don't like to waste food so I always try to bring home half (or at least a third) of my restaurant food and eat it the next day. I really hate leaving half full plates in restaurants so I ALWAYS get a goody bag. Seriously. This is a trick in a magazine that I read to help keep you from overeating in restaurants, and it sometimes even works. So far, no food poisoning has occurred. It's just one of my little idiosyncracies. If someone has lamb chops I will even bring home the bones (for the dogs, not for me). If I forget the food and do have to throw it out a day or two later, then at least it is my choice to waste it--I'm not just wasting it because I can't eat any more or shouldn't eat any more. You would not believe the number of meals that I have not had to cook because I do this. Seriously.
Anyway, after we stuffed ourselves at brunch and got our leftovers, we went to the gazebo out in the shopping center where the restaurant is and took some Easter pictures. Then we went hometo change clothes and go down to Scarborough Faire in Waxahatchie, because this was ALSO the day of the Scarborough Academy of Performing Arts Friends of the Faire event! They started at 1 pm, but we made it by 2 pm since we did need to go home and change out of the Easter finery. The performers do their dress rehearsal at this event and rehearsed the chess match, the pub sing, opening and closing ceremonies, etc. The new jousting company was out there practicing (but since they didn't have armour on they didn't actually hit each other). But we got to pat the horses and the girls got to be in the procession for the new company! We saw our friend Drew and got to eat a great German dinner--thank goodness they didn't have lasagna again, which I despise (although the girls and I opted for the baked potatos-still too full from brunch I guess, even by 5 pm).
It is the 30th year of Scarborough Faire (excuse me, Renaissance Festival) this year. I remember going (not with R but with the ex boyfriend) in the late 1980's, and I know R and I were going by the early 90's. In fact, I have pictures from 1997 if not before. Hard to believe that it has really been THIRTY years, and I know I was there for a lot of them. The Faire started about the time that I moved to Dallas. We missed 2000 when the girls were born (they were at risk for RSV and couldn't really go out until June), but other than that I know we have been there every year since at least 1995. We used to go once a season--now we go pretty much every weekend!!!! In 2001 we took them in their twin stroller for half a day. By 2003 they were wearing costumes. By 2005 we were ALL wearing costumes. By 2008 we had joined the SCA and now we all wear GARB, and not just for Scarby.
Of course, we will be fitting in some SCA events too this spring, although most likely just the closer local ones (since the Scarby tickets are paid for and it's only an hour away). I am sad that we missed Defender but sometimes you just need to sleep. However, we will be at Glaslyn's Defender and I am going to try to convince R to go to the Defender of the Tor event which is only about 2 hours away. But I think we will be missing the Austin event next weekend (which is supposed to be an awesome event) because it's SCARBY OPENING WEEKEND!!!
So, the house is a mess and the yard is a mess, and it's time for me to get to work. Only 5 days until Scarby begins!!!
Pleasant Valley Mom who is really looking forward to the brunch leftovers
Friday, March 5, 2010
How to Overschedule and Burn Out Your Children
OK, it is now about 1:15 am and I am FINALLY finished with the DI paperwork. I copied most of it today but the damned detailed spreadsheet wouldn't work out at 2:30 am yesterday so I finally finished that too. I really did want to make sure I had spent under $125 (the budgeted amount) on this challenge and not $175 like it was telling me. The problem was that I had 25 feet of craft wire listed incorrectly so it was showing at $35 instead of .50. Or at least that was ONE of the problems. Anyway, it doesn't actually agree with what I am giving the appraisers but it is LESS than what I am giving the appraisers (the appraiser sheet estimates too high a cost for duct tape, for example).
I could work on it all night but it would never agree. This is why I hate Quicken and I hate to balance checkbooks. I am no accountant. I had a rough idea of what I had spent (about $110 to $120) and sure enough, one report says $107 and one says $116. So I'm pretty damn close in my head, and I haven't really overspent except for the color copies of the forms today (not part of or included in the budget but would you believe, over $59!!!) I sure hope I don't get audited, as they say. Although I think I am about as accurate as I can be at this point, and I even have receipts. Of course, part of the reason that I am trying to be accurate is so that my husband can write some of it off the taxes, since I always end up spending more of my personal money than my fair share when I do these things. It's one of the reasons I got out of Scouts--the recordkeeping was so burdensome and I always ended up out of pocket.
But I have just about had it with these oversheduled children and their parents! Some months ago I told everyone to totally block out March 6th for the TOURNAMENT because I didn't know for sure when we would be performing, etc. I also asked that the kids be present for the Instant Challenge Workshop where they all need to practice IC as a team, and for the dress rehearsal last Sunday. Well, in all cases (even tomorrow) someone can't be there or couldn't be there for the whole thing. The parents never tell me this until the last minute, as if I am going to argue with them or something. It really hacks me off. Now one little girl needs to go to soccer tomorrow, even though that means that the whole group will have to try to meet up with her mom in the middle of the day so she can go home. I wonder what other surprises are in store for me tomorrow. I sure hope they all show up at 7:30 am.
Now here's the thing about Destination Imagination: although there is a tournament and a competition, it's more about process than product. It's about teamwork and learning how to work together. It's very subjective (well most of it anyway) so you can't really predict how you will do. It's the Ice Dancing of the kids' activities world. Your goal should be do to your personal best. If you can do your personal best, then it is OK if you don't get the gold medal. You may be a bit disappointed but you shouldn't be disappointed if you don't win American Idol when you are next in line behind David Cook. But here's the trick--you get out of Destination Imagination what you put into it. You have fun and you get silly but you work and work and work on stuff. One of our backdrops took over 10 kid hours, and that was with two or three kids on it at all times. Some of the stuff they make can be incredibly involved. And they have all these grandiose ideas at the beginning, many of which turn out not to come to fruition, which is a shame but it's just DI. Sometimes the ideas you have are too grand for the budget and the time you have to complete them.
The other thing about DI that a lot of people don't get is that the kids do all the work. If the parents help or do it for them, it is interference and it's a penalty at the tournament. I am supposed to facilitate and generate ideas but not give them ideas. I am supposed to get them to do research and look at books and such. I am supposed to get them to learn by participating in workshops and trying things out. This year we learned how to make paper pulp and sculpt in clay, and we also learned that our clay puppet head just would not attach well to the body and was very heavy, so we spent a lot of time on a solution that got abandoned. But here again, this was process, not product. (And I also learned that you should never make paper pulp out of newspaper in your kitchen--the ink is a MESS! Finally had to borrow my friend Viv's dye pot--thank God for the SCA, where people who live in apartments own pots that you can use to make a big mess in.) The next time I'm at a thrift shop or CCA or something, I am looking for a big dye pot myself. Or I could always just keep borrowing someone else's dye pot.
So I'm tired of the constantly overscheduled kids. They don't get the full benefit when they don't participate. Now I could be a meanie like a soccer coach and say if you don't participate for a certain number of hours, you don't get to do X. My friend Cyndy who coaches a high level team that has been to Globals makes her kids sign in and out to see who is putting in the most time. She also told me not to let one girl participate in IC (instant challenge) since she missed the workshop for a drama thing at church. But you know, I'm not that big a hard ass. For one thing, the girl that missed is one of our most experienced team members and I WANT her in IC because she knows what she is doing. Also, the dress rehearsal for the church thing supposedly came up kind of last minute, and these things happen. Finally, her mom is very supportive of DI and is being an appraiser this year, a substantial time commitment. So no, I am not booting her out of IC, in part for political reasons, and except for this one thing, her attendance has been pretty good. But I do think that from now on I may make it a policy that if you miss the IC workshop you can't do IC with the team. Because we have a really good team and we could be great, but only with time and effort and commitment, just like a sports team. We have the brains--we need the focus and the unscheduled blocks of time. And that is the hardest thing of all to come by in our overstructured and overscheduled society.
My girls participate in Destination Imagination, which I coach, and Scouts. Because we do the SCA thing and the Ren Faire thing in the spring, we aren't in sports right now. The last time we tried it, it severely limited what we could do on Saturdays with our other activities. If my girls were really talented at sports it would be one thing, but they are small for their age and don't have a lot of sports aptitude. M was really good at soccer but when the field got larger and the girls got taller, they mowed over her (even her own teammates). She was a great ball handler but they just took it away from her (even her own teammates) and then missed the goal. I mean, M could score 6 goals in a game when the field was small, but she couldn't keep up with the running. And A in particular struggled with her asthma in the spring. They play in February around here and it was really cold this year, so I was glad that we were out of it. Plus, it looks like they are going to be around 5 feet tall IF we are lucky.
We have tried gymnastics and dance but with the ADHD they are both so distracted that it just becomes extended playtime. And dance gets really expensive with two girls, about $1000 a semester around here by the time you buy all the costumes and the shoes and pay for all the lessons. So I haven't done it. I got M a guitar for Christmas and I got A the small drumset from Target and I would like to get them into music, but not until DI is over. Plus they have Scouts and scout campouts and such, and it often conflicts even with DI (they are missing the Father Daughter Girl Scout Dance this year, unfortunately, because of this conflict). The DI state tournament, which we were going to go to and watch even if we didn't place high enough to go and perform, is here locally this year. Unfortunately it conflicts with the big Girl Scout campout. So if our team makes it to the State Tournament, we will have a big brouhaha about all of that, since five of our six team members are supposed to go on the campout.
(send me a note if you know how to spell that "brou ha ha" word, OK)??
I guess I am not feeling very amused right now. I am so tired of kids missing DI because of all of these other things that they are doing. The girl down the street has soccer, hockey, student council and jump rope team. And she's 9. Another girl I know who doesn't have time for DI does gymnastics 5 days a week. Another kid I know is in three sports. The Tae Kwon Do and Karate people do it 3-4 times a week. Plus in addition to the games there are bithday parties and family things, and so forth and so on. Two of the girls missed dress rehearsal, one because of a family thing that was important (90th birthday party of grandpa), but it would have been nice if she had told me in advance so I could have rescheduled. The other missed dress rehearsal because her family decided to take an impromptu vacation and forgot totally about it. So I had to schedule ANOTHER one, because with only 4 girls to do a skit that was intended for 6, the firs dress rehearsal was a total train wreck. We have it on tape. I am trying to read the parts of the other two girls and keep time. It's a mess.
We finally ALL practiced today and all I could think of was how much better this skit would have been if we had all practiced together Sunday or even before. But we couldn't get our props, including the giant Chinese Dragon Puppet, done in time to practice much before, plus it has been way too cold in the garage and because we live out here in Texas, we don't have a basement. In fact, we didn't even paint anything this year except a few chairs because it just wasn't warm enough most of the time to paint outside or in the garage. And we had several days where we had three of the six show up for work sessions (two of them being my kids, of course).
My daughters get a little frustrated because if there is anything that needs to be done in DI they end up having to do it. But I have explained that this actually benefits them, and that if they want me to coach they need to put in the extra time too. In fact, I do have one rule: they can't take unfinished stuff to tournament. If they scale back the original idea, that's fine--but they can't take a half finished backdrop or puppet or something to tournament. They must finish their props, costumes, etc. to take them. The items don't have to be perfect and some of them don't even have to be good but they do need to be DONE. Finish what you start.
I am not sure where all this overscheduling of 9 year olds will lead. I think it will lead to total burnout, and that some of these kids will decide not to go to college or will not want to do much with extracurriculars even in high school. Others will be so specialized by the time they are 12 that they won't have anything to fall back on if whatever their specialty is doesn't work out in the long run. I remember meeting kids at Target who weren't in college and had very little future, and in one case it was a gal who was a great soccer player but dropped it for political reasons after her junior year of high school. She did complete high school but she had nothing at all to fall back on and couldn't afford to go to school, got no soccer scholarship, and for all I know she is still folding towels in Domestics like I was. The difference being that I wanted to be there and make a little Christmas money and get away from 4 year old toddlers for a few hours, and for her it was a career.
Now those of you who know me from high school know that I was overscheduled, but I did this myself (not my parents). And I learned the hard way senior year that being the News Editor of the Paper and the Literary Magazine Editor and in NHS and Key Club and Latin Club and all of these other things--and I didn't do sports--was very difficult. It led to a lot of late nights and a lot of tears sometimes as I tried to balance schoolwork with all the writing and the other more academic interests. I was on the Certamen team (college bowl for Latin geeks). I flirted with chess club and debate team (or at least with the guys--my kind of guys!!!) I studied Mythology and took the exam at the Latin convention and was third in the state, two years running (see, always an also-ran). I was fourth in the class (again, always a bridesmaid, never the bride). I thought I was really hot shit, let me tell you.
When I got to college things were different. My parents wanted me in a sorority because I went to their college and that was the thing to do at William and Mary, so I was in a sorority, Kappa Alpha Theta. Not really my thing, being around all those women with all their hormones, but there were some good experiences that came out of there and I learned a lot about "corporate" leadership skills, although unfortunately since there were no men involved it wasn't very realistic. But a sorority is generally very well run from a business perspective--a sorority is a little on campus business. They are in the business of self promotion so they are always reminding you when to wear your pin (and when not to, like when you are drunk). On Mondays we were supposed to dress up (plaid kilts and sweaters and clogs, really!) and wear our pins because that was Meeting Day. On Fridays it was Jersey Day and you wore your Kappa Alpha Theta black and gold jersey but not your pin. Because on Friday you just might go out and party or something in college. Go figure. Anyway, other than Theta and studying with my graduate student boyfriend (who took me to the library every night from after dinner until 10 pm, and I am not kidding), the only other activity I had was literary magazine, where I was a mere staffer for three years. I didn't have time to write for the college paper; I tried but it was too much like an unpaid job. I was spending the rest of my time either studying my ass off at William and Mary or having sex. Seriously. And the studying was much more prolific than the sex too. No wonder I made Phi Beta Kappa ahead of my much brighter friend Rise, and got nearly straight A's, was 12th in the class, and went on to a bright future at UVA Law School. Hopefully you can read between the lines and catch a bit of the sarcasm here because I'm not trying to brag. I really did do all these things, but it turned out that law wasn't exactly what it was cracked up to be for me, although that's a whole different essay.
The point is that I didn't burn myself out with activities in college because I learned my lesson in high school. College was harder than high school so I concentrated on my studies. It paid off. In law school, my extracurriculars (other than sex of course) were the Journal of Law and Politics (ironic since I don't really follow politics much but this journal specialized in things like election law, which I find fascinating, and had people of both political parties involved in it), and Moot Court, which I only did briefly because my partner was a lovely woman and a space cadet with a huge brain but very little common sense. She had the longest hair I've ever seen and she would have LOVED the SCA. She was very bright but she was a bigger pointy headed geek than even me, and she struggled with appellate argument although this would have been a good place for her in the legal world. I wish I knew what happened to her--I miss her. Maybe she is on FB. Anyway, between me and my partner, with whom I was probably very well-matched, we just weren't practical enough and just didn't have enough of that killer instinct, so we didn't advance beyond the first round. My boyfriend at the time went on to the final round of Moot Court--he wouldn't be partners with me though because he didn't think I was smart enough and after all, I was only a woman. I didn't realize until I got to law school how sexist life out there could be, at least in the 1980's--I had been sheltered by sorority life, I guess.
My favorite part of law school was my trial practice class, where we got to do a criminal defense case and I put panty hose over my head at closing argument. It was a lot of fun, even though I got reamed by the judge ( a REAL judge in real life) becuase of course I couldn't have gotten away with that in a real trial. But it got a laugh out of the jury and we won our case. That's me, Liz Wilson, Comedy Trial Lawyer. Not that I ever really wanted to do criminal defense work (corporate defense work being so much more on the morally high ground, you know), but I sure did enjoy that trial!!!
Well, I should really go to bed because I have a 14 hour day tomorrow with six (well, now it may be down to 5) 10 year olds and I suppose I need some sleep. And my Earl Gray Lady tea and Samoas are gone so I guess it's time to go push the dogs off my pillow and wake up my husband briefly and climb back into bed. Tomorrow is another day. In fact, since it's already Saturday, tomorrow is Sunday and by then the DI tournament will be OVER!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
Pleasant Valley Mom, wondering if she can get away with visiting the Team Manager lounge this year and switching off with Hubby. He can visit it too if he likes.
I could work on it all night but it would never agree. This is why I hate Quicken and I hate to balance checkbooks. I am no accountant. I had a rough idea of what I had spent (about $110 to $120) and sure enough, one report says $107 and one says $116. So I'm pretty damn close in my head, and I haven't really overspent except for the color copies of the forms today (not part of or included in the budget but would you believe, over $59!!!) I sure hope I don't get audited, as they say. Although I think I am about as accurate as I can be at this point, and I even have receipts. Of course, part of the reason that I am trying to be accurate is so that my husband can write some of it off the taxes, since I always end up spending more of my personal money than my fair share when I do these things. It's one of the reasons I got out of Scouts--the recordkeeping was so burdensome and I always ended up out of pocket.
But I have just about had it with these oversheduled children and their parents! Some months ago I told everyone to totally block out March 6th for the TOURNAMENT because I didn't know for sure when we would be performing, etc. I also asked that the kids be present for the Instant Challenge Workshop where they all need to practice IC as a team, and for the dress rehearsal last Sunday. Well, in all cases (even tomorrow) someone can't be there or couldn't be there for the whole thing. The parents never tell me this until the last minute, as if I am going to argue with them or something. It really hacks me off. Now one little girl needs to go to soccer tomorrow, even though that means that the whole group will have to try to meet up with her mom in the middle of the day so she can go home. I wonder what other surprises are in store for me tomorrow. I sure hope they all show up at 7:30 am.
Now here's the thing about Destination Imagination: although there is a tournament and a competition, it's more about process than product. It's about teamwork and learning how to work together. It's very subjective (well most of it anyway) so you can't really predict how you will do. It's the Ice Dancing of the kids' activities world. Your goal should be do to your personal best. If you can do your personal best, then it is OK if you don't get the gold medal. You may be a bit disappointed but you shouldn't be disappointed if you don't win American Idol when you are next in line behind David Cook. But here's the trick--you get out of Destination Imagination what you put into it. You have fun and you get silly but you work and work and work on stuff. One of our backdrops took over 10 kid hours, and that was with two or three kids on it at all times. Some of the stuff they make can be incredibly involved. And they have all these grandiose ideas at the beginning, many of which turn out not to come to fruition, which is a shame but it's just DI. Sometimes the ideas you have are too grand for the budget and the time you have to complete them.
The other thing about DI that a lot of people don't get is that the kids do all the work. If the parents help or do it for them, it is interference and it's a penalty at the tournament. I am supposed to facilitate and generate ideas but not give them ideas. I am supposed to get them to do research and look at books and such. I am supposed to get them to learn by participating in workshops and trying things out. This year we learned how to make paper pulp and sculpt in clay, and we also learned that our clay puppet head just would not attach well to the body and was very heavy, so we spent a lot of time on a solution that got abandoned. But here again, this was process, not product. (And I also learned that you should never make paper pulp out of newspaper in your kitchen--the ink is a MESS! Finally had to borrow my friend Viv's dye pot--thank God for the SCA, where people who live in apartments own pots that you can use to make a big mess in.) The next time I'm at a thrift shop or CCA or something, I am looking for a big dye pot myself. Or I could always just keep borrowing someone else's dye pot.
So I'm tired of the constantly overscheduled kids. They don't get the full benefit when they don't participate. Now I could be a meanie like a soccer coach and say if you don't participate for a certain number of hours, you don't get to do X. My friend Cyndy who coaches a high level team that has been to Globals makes her kids sign in and out to see who is putting in the most time. She also told me not to let one girl participate in IC (instant challenge) since she missed the workshop for a drama thing at church. But you know, I'm not that big a hard ass. For one thing, the girl that missed is one of our most experienced team members and I WANT her in IC because she knows what she is doing. Also, the dress rehearsal for the church thing supposedly came up kind of last minute, and these things happen. Finally, her mom is very supportive of DI and is being an appraiser this year, a substantial time commitment. So no, I am not booting her out of IC, in part for political reasons, and except for this one thing, her attendance has been pretty good. But I do think that from now on I may make it a policy that if you miss the IC workshop you can't do IC with the team. Because we have a really good team and we could be great, but only with time and effort and commitment, just like a sports team. We have the brains--we need the focus and the unscheduled blocks of time. And that is the hardest thing of all to come by in our overstructured and overscheduled society.
My girls participate in Destination Imagination, which I coach, and Scouts. Because we do the SCA thing and the Ren Faire thing in the spring, we aren't in sports right now. The last time we tried it, it severely limited what we could do on Saturdays with our other activities. If my girls were really talented at sports it would be one thing, but they are small for their age and don't have a lot of sports aptitude. M was really good at soccer but when the field got larger and the girls got taller, they mowed over her (even her own teammates). She was a great ball handler but they just took it away from her (even her own teammates) and then missed the goal. I mean, M could score 6 goals in a game when the field was small, but she couldn't keep up with the running. And A in particular struggled with her asthma in the spring. They play in February around here and it was really cold this year, so I was glad that we were out of it. Plus, it looks like they are going to be around 5 feet tall IF we are lucky.
We have tried gymnastics and dance but with the ADHD they are both so distracted that it just becomes extended playtime. And dance gets really expensive with two girls, about $1000 a semester around here by the time you buy all the costumes and the shoes and pay for all the lessons. So I haven't done it. I got M a guitar for Christmas and I got A the small drumset from Target and I would like to get them into music, but not until DI is over. Plus they have Scouts and scout campouts and such, and it often conflicts even with DI (they are missing the Father Daughter Girl Scout Dance this year, unfortunately, because of this conflict). The DI state tournament, which we were going to go to and watch even if we didn't place high enough to go and perform, is here locally this year. Unfortunately it conflicts with the big Girl Scout campout. So if our team makes it to the State Tournament, we will have a big brouhaha about all of that, since five of our six team members are supposed to go on the campout.
(send me a note if you know how to spell that "brou ha ha" word, OK)??
I guess I am not feeling very amused right now. I am so tired of kids missing DI because of all of these other things that they are doing. The girl down the street has soccer, hockey, student council and jump rope team. And she's 9. Another girl I know who doesn't have time for DI does gymnastics 5 days a week. Another kid I know is in three sports. The Tae Kwon Do and Karate people do it 3-4 times a week. Plus in addition to the games there are bithday parties and family things, and so forth and so on. Two of the girls missed dress rehearsal, one because of a family thing that was important (90th birthday party of grandpa), but it would have been nice if she had told me in advance so I could have rescheduled. The other missed dress rehearsal because her family decided to take an impromptu vacation and forgot totally about it. So I had to schedule ANOTHER one, because with only 4 girls to do a skit that was intended for 6, the firs dress rehearsal was a total train wreck. We have it on tape. I am trying to read the parts of the other two girls and keep time. It's a mess.
We finally ALL practiced today and all I could think of was how much better this skit would have been if we had all practiced together Sunday or even before. But we couldn't get our props, including the giant Chinese Dragon Puppet, done in time to practice much before, plus it has been way too cold in the garage and because we live out here in Texas, we don't have a basement. In fact, we didn't even paint anything this year except a few chairs because it just wasn't warm enough most of the time to paint outside or in the garage. And we had several days where we had three of the six show up for work sessions (two of them being my kids, of course).
My daughters get a little frustrated because if there is anything that needs to be done in DI they end up having to do it. But I have explained that this actually benefits them, and that if they want me to coach they need to put in the extra time too. In fact, I do have one rule: they can't take unfinished stuff to tournament. If they scale back the original idea, that's fine--but they can't take a half finished backdrop or puppet or something to tournament. They must finish their props, costumes, etc. to take them. The items don't have to be perfect and some of them don't even have to be good but they do need to be DONE. Finish what you start.
I am not sure where all this overscheduling of 9 year olds will lead. I think it will lead to total burnout, and that some of these kids will decide not to go to college or will not want to do much with extracurriculars even in high school. Others will be so specialized by the time they are 12 that they won't have anything to fall back on if whatever their specialty is doesn't work out in the long run. I remember meeting kids at Target who weren't in college and had very little future, and in one case it was a gal who was a great soccer player but dropped it for political reasons after her junior year of high school. She did complete high school but she had nothing at all to fall back on and couldn't afford to go to school, got no soccer scholarship, and for all I know she is still folding towels in Domestics like I was. The difference being that I wanted to be there and make a little Christmas money and get away from 4 year old toddlers for a few hours, and for her it was a career.
Now those of you who know me from high school know that I was overscheduled, but I did this myself (not my parents). And I learned the hard way senior year that being the News Editor of the Paper and the Literary Magazine Editor and in NHS and Key Club and Latin Club and all of these other things--and I didn't do sports--was very difficult. It led to a lot of late nights and a lot of tears sometimes as I tried to balance schoolwork with all the writing and the other more academic interests. I was on the Certamen team (college bowl for Latin geeks). I flirted with chess club and debate team (or at least with the guys--my kind of guys!!!) I studied Mythology and took the exam at the Latin convention and was third in the state, two years running (see, always an also-ran). I was fourth in the class (again, always a bridesmaid, never the bride). I thought I was really hot shit, let me tell you.
When I got to college things were different. My parents wanted me in a sorority because I went to their college and that was the thing to do at William and Mary, so I was in a sorority, Kappa Alpha Theta. Not really my thing, being around all those women with all their hormones, but there were some good experiences that came out of there and I learned a lot about "corporate" leadership skills, although unfortunately since there were no men involved it wasn't very realistic. But a sorority is generally very well run from a business perspective--a sorority is a little on campus business. They are in the business of self promotion so they are always reminding you when to wear your pin (and when not to, like when you are drunk). On Mondays we were supposed to dress up (plaid kilts and sweaters and clogs, really!) and wear our pins because that was Meeting Day. On Fridays it was Jersey Day and you wore your Kappa Alpha Theta black and gold jersey but not your pin. Because on Friday you just might go out and party or something in college. Go figure. Anyway, other than Theta and studying with my graduate student boyfriend (who took me to the library every night from after dinner until 10 pm, and I am not kidding), the only other activity I had was literary magazine, where I was a mere staffer for three years. I didn't have time to write for the college paper; I tried but it was too much like an unpaid job. I was spending the rest of my time either studying my ass off at William and Mary or having sex. Seriously. And the studying was much more prolific than the sex too. No wonder I made Phi Beta Kappa ahead of my much brighter friend Rise, and got nearly straight A's, was 12th in the class, and went on to a bright future at UVA Law School. Hopefully you can read between the lines and catch a bit of the sarcasm here because I'm not trying to brag. I really did do all these things, but it turned out that law wasn't exactly what it was cracked up to be for me, although that's a whole different essay.
The point is that I didn't burn myself out with activities in college because I learned my lesson in high school. College was harder than high school so I concentrated on my studies. It paid off. In law school, my extracurriculars (other than sex of course) were the Journal of Law and Politics (ironic since I don't really follow politics much but this journal specialized in things like election law, which I find fascinating, and had people of both political parties involved in it), and Moot Court, which I only did briefly because my partner was a lovely woman and a space cadet with a huge brain but very little common sense. She had the longest hair I've ever seen and she would have LOVED the SCA. She was very bright but she was a bigger pointy headed geek than even me, and she struggled with appellate argument although this would have been a good place for her in the legal world. I wish I knew what happened to her--I miss her. Maybe she is on FB. Anyway, between me and my partner, with whom I was probably very well-matched, we just weren't practical enough and just didn't have enough of that killer instinct, so we didn't advance beyond the first round. My boyfriend at the time went on to the final round of Moot Court--he wouldn't be partners with me though because he didn't think I was smart enough and after all, I was only a woman. I didn't realize until I got to law school how sexist life out there could be, at least in the 1980's--I had been sheltered by sorority life, I guess.
My favorite part of law school was my trial practice class, where we got to do a criminal defense case and I put panty hose over my head at closing argument. It was a lot of fun, even though I got reamed by the judge ( a REAL judge in real life) becuase of course I couldn't have gotten away with that in a real trial. But it got a laugh out of the jury and we won our case. That's me, Liz Wilson, Comedy Trial Lawyer. Not that I ever really wanted to do criminal defense work (corporate defense work being so much more on the morally high ground, you know), but I sure did enjoy that trial!!!
Well, I should really go to bed because I have a 14 hour day tomorrow with six (well, now it may be down to 5) 10 year olds and I suppose I need some sleep. And my Earl Gray Lady tea and Samoas are gone so I guess it's time to go push the dogs off my pillow and wake up my husband briefly and climb back into bed. Tomorrow is another day. In fact, since it's already Saturday, tomorrow is Sunday and by then the DI tournament will be OVER!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
Pleasant Valley Mom, wondering if she can get away with visiting the Team Manager lounge this year and switching off with Hubby. He can visit it too if he likes.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Potato Sack Girls
I can't write long today because I have to go pack my scrapbooking stuff for a crop at 10 am. Somehow I have put off doing this until today, sewing on an impossible dress last night instead. I am just like my mom--I hate sewing on fabric I didn't pick out that I don't like that much. I have worked on this dress for about three nights now (it's a freebie that my friend Vivianna made for one of my girls from a remnant she had, and it's nicely made--I should be grateful). At any rate, the fabric is synthetic and it's difficult to hem, etc. so I finally pulled the whole mess out and decided that I am tired of working on the dress. I have hemmed the neckline and the sleeves and added lace trim, and cut it off because it was way too long for M and taken the shoulders up twice in different ways, then let them down again twice because it didn't hang right, tried it on A and it didn't work for her either, and finally told M to wear a shirt under it if she thinks it's too low cut. Actually she tried it on yesterday and I think it is fine even without the shoulders taken up. So I cut it off so she wouldn't trip on it because it's hard to put a big hem in it due to the fabric (it pulls and puckers so it would need more trim to cover that up, and I don't have any more of that lace). Now even putting a small hem in it is a nightmare. The pins won't stay in and it won't stay rolled and of course I am handsewing and I am not exactly great at it, although I am improving. It needs to just be serged again like Viv did it initially but I don't have a serger, so I just ironed a small hem. I may have to go and get some of that iron on tape that Fiona was recommending. After all, the dress is synthetic with modern lace trim so it's not exactly an Arts and Sciences project, but I have put so much time into fixing it up that it might as well be.
I am just too picky. Most people would have cut off the bottom and sleeves, hemmed the neckline and let the kid wear it ragged. It is, after all, a free dress. But I of course want it to look good on my daughter. Fortunately this is the potato sack daughter. She would look good in a potato sack (just cinch it!!!) And in fact that is kind of what this is, a blue/green potato sack with lace trim. Actually, if I know M, when she wears it she will look like a million bucks. It's actually a pretty good color for her. She's just one of those people. She doesn't have perfect hair because it's curly and all over the place, and it's not a great cut because she's growing out her bangs and doesn't want her hair layered. But she's pretty gorgeous nonetheless. Amelia is very cute too but she is thinner so she has a different look going on, plus she is not a potato sack girl. Clothes just don't fit her in that easy way--everything she puts on looks too big or too small. Well, not everything but it really needs to be just about perfect in order to look right on her, and that's hard when you are a size 8 in height and a size 6 in weight. What really works is size 7 clothes that were a little too big initially and have shrunk a bit, and then wear boots to keep the pants from looking too short. Not so easy to come by those.
Well, enough about fashion. I'm such an expert, anyway. I watch that "What Not To Wear" show and just cringe. I hate that Stacy witch. When they throw out everyone's favorite clothes and replace them with impractical, expensive clothes that require dry cleaning I just want to laugh. The next time I have $5,000 I won't be spending it on my wardrobe. Maybe I will go to Scotland. Isn't it interesting that I hate the female host but the male host (whose name I can't even remember--he's a bit of a milktoast)---well, he doesn't bother me. Clinton. That's his name. He even seems kind of nice, like a good person to have coffee with or something. Of course, he's probably gay, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be a good person to have coffee with, just coffee without the "tea or me" part.
So, isn't it interesting that even I resent the strong woman and the man doesn't get on my nerves? Even on a stupid tv show? (By the way, R leaves the room if this show is on so I don't watch it often--I think he hates both of them).
Well, fashionistsas, that's all for now. Write with your comments about the fashion industry. It's certainly interesting even though it's extremely shallow. But then appearances are always shallow, aren't they? Don't we all just wear costumes every day? Think about it. Bow ties, long ties, button down collars, designer workout gear, Juicy Couture sunglasses, Prada handbags, Scarborough Faire Motorcycle t shirts with dragons on them. Whatever you wear to work or to shop in or even to hang around in the house in reflects a certain image. My hair is in the SCA mode right now, long and unruly, and it says, "I'm not really a suburban mom. I'm different." (In my town that probably means I look like I'm a Satanist instead of the Christian that I really am. I do have a cross up in my foyer but it's made of real barbed wire so it's just a little uncomfortable for people-- no hearts and flowers here on my cross. And there's a headhunters' mask from New Guinea in the family room--I see it as my own personal welcome sign).
See, if people know what they are looking at in my house I definitely send out some mixed signals. You can learn more about me from my house (artifacts in it, not the actual house) than my clothes.
I even wore my Scarby motorcycle shirt over to SCHOOL the other day although I did zip up my jacket so I wouldn't scare the other moms. I am not exactly the Harley culture anyway since I hate motorcycles (I hate the noise and the danger, not the idea of freedom). I'm not free anyway so why should anyone else be free? None of us are really free. But black with a motorcycle and a dragon? Well, why not? (actually this may be R's shirt--I don't remember).
So, if you are married just wear your husband's clothes today and confuse the hell out of people.
Pleasant Valley Mom, trying to figure out a good cropping and cookie selling outfit.
I am just too picky. Most people would have cut off the bottom and sleeves, hemmed the neckline and let the kid wear it ragged. It is, after all, a free dress. But I of course want it to look good on my daughter. Fortunately this is the potato sack daughter. She would look good in a potato sack (just cinch it!!!) And in fact that is kind of what this is, a blue/green potato sack with lace trim. Actually, if I know M, when she wears it she will look like a million bucks. It's actually a pretty good color for her. She's just one of those people. She doesn't have perfect hair because it's curly and all over the place, and it's not a great cut because she's growing out her bangs and doesn't want her hair layered. But she's pretty gorgeous nonetheless. Amelia is very cute too but she is thinner so she has a different look going on, plus she is not a potato sack girl. Clothes just don't fit her in that easy way--everything she puts on looks too big or too small. Well, not everything but it really needs to be just about perfect in order to look right on her, and that's hard when you are a size 8 in height and a size 6 in weight. What really works is size 7 clothes that were a little too big initially and have shrunk a bit, and then wear boots to keep the pants from looking too short. Not so easy to come by those.
Well, enough about fashion. I'm such an expert, anyway. I watch that "What Not To Wear" show and just cringe. I hate that Stacy witch. When they throw out everyone's favorite clothes and replace them with impractical, expensive clothes that require dry cleaning I just want to laugh. The next time I have $5,000 I won't be spending it on my wardrobe. Maybe I will go to Scotland. Isn't it interesting that I hate the female host but the male host (whose name I can't even remember--he's a bit of a milktoast)---well, he doesn't bother me. Clinton. That's his name. He even seems kind of nice, like a good person to have coffee with or something. Of course, he's probably gay, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be a good person to have coffee with, just coffee without the "tea or me" part.
So, isn't it interesting that even I resent the strong woman and the man doesn't get on my nerves? Even on a stupid tv show? (By the way, R leaves the room if this show is on so I don't watch it often--I think he hates both of them).
Well, fashionistsas, that's all for now. Write with your comments about the fashion industry. It's certainly interesting even though it's extremely shallow. But then appearances are always shallow, aren't they? Don't we all just wear costumes every day? Think about it. Bow ties, long ties, button down collars, designer workout gear, Juicy Couture sunglasses, Prada handbags, Scarborough Faire Motorcycle t shirts with dragons on them. Whatever you wear to work or to shop in or even to hang around in the house in reflects a certain image. My hair is in the SCA mode right now, long and unruly, and it says, "I'm not really a suburban mom. I'm different." (In my town that probably means I look like I'm a Satanist instead of the Christian that I really am. I do have a cross up in my foyer but it's made of real barbed wire so it's just a little uncomfortable for people-- no hearts and flowers here on my cross. And there's a headhunters' mask from New Guinea in the family room--I see it as my own personal welcome sign).
See, if people know what they are looking at in my house I definitely send out some mixed signals. You can learn more about me from my house (artifacts in it, not the actual house) than my clothes.
I even wore my Scarby motorcycle shirt over to SCHOOL the other day although I did zip up my jacket so I wouldn't scare the other moms. I am not exactly the Harley culture anyway since I hate motorcycles (I hate the noise and the danger, not the idea of freedom). I'm not free anyway so why should anyone else be free? None of us are really free. But black with a motorcycle and a dragon? Well, why not? (actually this may be R's shirt--I don't remember).
So, if you are married just wear your husband's clothes today and confuse the hell out of people.
Pleasant Valley Mom, trying to figure out a good cropping and cookie selling outfit.
Monday, February 15, 2010
So Many Projects, So Little Time (or, Rewriting Bawdy Songs In My Spare Time)
We went to Kingdom Arts and Sciences on Saturday and wow, was I impressed with all the artisan work! We went in the ice and snow, even though I hate travelling in bad weather (the roads were fine but it was pretty foggy). We listened to 18 versions of The Chandler's Wife on the way there. We have a CD that does "movie and tv versions" of this slightly bawdy song for the Fill in the Blanks. We have explained roughly what is going on in the song to the girls (adultery, and they have had the sex talk, to which they said, "EW!") They are mostly interested in the movie lines and don't get all the double entendres; if someone refers to balls in any form or fashion, even soccer balls right now, they dissolve into giggles. Well, the All Chandler's Wife CD is one CD that I don't need to listen to for a few more months!
The song goes like this:
A man walked into a Chandler's shop [a chandler is a candlemaker]
Some Candles for to buy,
and when he walked into the shop
nobody did he spy,
(drawing a blank. Can't believe it. Heard song 19 times on Sat. Yikes! No memory. Must have blocked it out; something about him getting ready to leave the shop. I guess I would be cut from Hollywood week of American Idol!)
When he heard the sound of a ___
Right above his head.
Yes, he heard the sound of a ___
Right Above his head.
Now this young man was a bold young man,
so up the stairs he sped.
And very surprised was he to find
the Chandler's wife in bed.
And with her was another young man of very considerable size.
And they were having a ___
Right before his eyes.
Yes, they were having a ___
Right before his eyes.
Now when the fun was over and done
She lifted up her head,
And very surprised was she to find
A man beside her bed.
"If you will keep my secret sir, if you will be so kind,
Then you can come up for a ___
Whenever you feel inclined!
Yes, you can come up for a ___
Whenever you feel inclined.
So all you fine young men take heed
Whenever you go to town
That if you leave your woman at home
Be sure to tie her down.
And if you would be kind to her
Just lay her out on the floor
And give her so much of that ___
She won't want any more!
Yes, give her so much of that ___
She won't want any more!
You can imagine the possibilities, filling in the blanks with lines from Star Wars, Harry Potter, Princess Bride, Sesame Street, Finding Nemo, etc.
I, however, have written the intellectual geek version of the song, in which there are no double entendres like usual. This is the song that the person who is sexually repressed or in denial that sex exists would sing:
A man walked into a Chandler's shop
Some candles for to buy,
And when he walked into the shop
Nobody did he spy,
And so he turned upon his heel,
And out the door he sped--can't be right??????(getting ready to leave the shop; again I can't remember exactly the words)
When he heard the sound of a (Trivial Pursuit game)
Right above his head;
He heard the sound of a (Serious Scrabble match)
Right above his head.
Now this young man was a bold young man, so up
the stairs he sped.
And very surprised was he to find the Chandler's wife in bed.
And with her was another young man of very considerable size,
And they were having a (very heated intellectual discussion)
Right before his eyes,
Yes, they were having an (argument over the proper use of the Scrabble dictionary)
Right before his eyes.
Now when the fun was over and done,
She lifted up her head (from the dictionary, of course)
And very surprised was she to find
A man beside her bed.
"If you will keep my secret sir, if you will be so kind,
Then you can come up for a (Lord of the Rings Monopoly game)
Whenever you feel inclined,
Yes, you can come up for a (Lord of the Rings Risk game if you prefer)
Whenever you feel inclined.
Now all you fine young men take heed,
Whenever you go to town,
That if you leave your woman at home
Be sure to tie her down (with the housework, the laundry, and the kids; you get the idea!)
And if you would be kind to her, just lay her out on the floor,
And give her so much of that (intellectual prowess of yours)
She won't want any more,
Yes, give her so much of that (Cash Cab or Final Jeopardy trivia knowledge)
She won't want any MORE!!!
I guess you just had to be there!My husband and I actually play all of these games, and watch Jeopardy and Cash Cab (he DVRs Jeopardy), although we haven't tried our LOTR Risk yet--not enough time. This CD is brought to us by Queen Anne's Lace, an acapello singing group that performs at Scarborough Faire and other venues in North Texas. I don't know who wrote the song or if it is even period (i.e. Renaissance or pre-Renaissance) Most of their songs are very lovely, and on Sunday mornings at the Faire their first show is all religious music, including the Swing version of Amazing Grace. Some music is period (Renaissance and before) and some is more contemporary; for example, they do other Swing in addition to church music, such as "Stormy Weather" (although they try not to do this when rain is in the forecast since the show is, of course, outside). Most of their songs are NOT bawdy or only mildly so, and aren't performed at the lives shows for their 5 pm Tart Show, which is mild and only PG compared to Iris and Rose's show ( which is R or worse, especially the 5 pm Train Wreck show with audience participation. Believe me, go to that show and you will hear something shocking you never heard before--a few beers helped. I went with one of R's male friends one time, Drew Timmons, and while I enjoyed the show I was red as a beet!) (R stayed home that day; sick kid).
Queen Anne's Lace does an All Chandler's Wife song show on the last Sunday of the Faire (the very last day being Memorial Day Monday). They sing many versions of the song (about 12 of them) for lots of tips. The little outdoor theatre is full and it is HILARIOUS because of course they do the voices, various gestures, etc. It is much funnier than on the CD, especially when you are hitting about version 18 or 19 and you can't remember when you heard another piece of music other than The Chandler's Wife. Especially when all the quotes are from a movie you haven't seen, because then even though the lines are funny you don't get the reference. My favorite is not on the CD and is the Harry Potter version ("Just because you're 17 doesn't mean you can whip out your wands any time you like!") And they need an All Star Trek version in my opinion ("Captain, you canna change the laws of physics!" "He's Dead, Jim" or "Set your phaser on Stun, " etc.) See, I've about half written one already. Send me other Star Trek lines that have sexual innuendo in them, please. I need to do something in my "spare time."
Signing off for now!
Pleasant Valley Mom
The song goes like this:
A man walked into a Chandler's shop [a chandler is a candlemaker]
Some Candles for to buy,
and when he walked into the shop
nobody did he spy,
(drawing a blank. Can't believe it. Heard song 19 times on Sat. Yikes! No memory. Must have blocked it out; something about him getting ready to leave the shop. I guess I would be cut from Hollywood week of American Idol!)
When he heard the sound of a ___
Right above his head.
Yes, he heard the sound of a ___
Right Above his head.
Now this young man was a bold young man,
so up the stairs he sped.
And very surprised was he to find
the Chandler's wife in bed.
And with her was another young man of very considerable size.
And they were having a ___
Right before his eyes.
Yes, they were having a ___
Right before his eyes.
Now when the fun was over and done
She lifted up her head,
And very surprised was she to find
A man beside her bed.
"If you will keep my secret sir, if you will be so kind,
Then you can come up for a ___
Whenever you feel inclined!
Yes, you can come up for a ___
Whenever you feel inclined.
So all you fine young men take heed
Whenever you go to town
That if you leave your woman at home
Be sure to tie her down.
And if you would be kind to her
Just lay her out on the floor
And give her so much of that ___
She won't want any more!
Yes, give her so much of that ___
She won't want any more!
You can imagine the possibilities, filling in the blanks with lines from Star Wars, Harry Potter, Princess Bride, Sesame Street, Finding Nemo, etc.
I, however, have written the intellectual geek version of the song, in which there are no double entendres like usual. This is the song that the person who is sexually repressed or in denial that sex exists would sing:
A man walked into a Chandler's shop
Some candles for to buy,
And when he walked into the shop
Nobody did he spy,
And so he turned upon his heel,
And out the door he sped--can't be right??????(getting ready to leave the shop; again I can't remember exactly the words)
When he heard the sound of a (Trivial Pursuit game)
Right above his head;
He heard the sound of a (Serious Scrabble match)
Right above his head.
Now this young man was a bold young man, so up
the stairs he sped.
And very surprised was he to find the Chandler's wife in bed.
And with her was another young man of very considerable size,
And they were having a (very heated intellectual discussion)
Right before his eyes,
Yes, they were having an (argument over the proper use of the Scrabble dictionary)
Right before his eyes.
Now when the fun was over and done,
She lifted up her head (from the dictionary, of course)
And very surprised was she to find
A man beside her bed.
"If you will keep my secret sir, if you will be so kind,
Then you can come up for a (Lord of the Rings Monopoly game)
Whenever you feel inclined,
Yes, you can come up for a (Lord of the Rings Risk game if you prefer)
Whenever you feel inclined.
Now all you fine young men take heed,
Whenever you go to town,
That if you leave your woman at home
Be sure to tie her down (with the housework, the laundry, and the kids; you get the idea!)
And if you would be kind to her, just lay her out on the floor,
And give her so much of that (intellectual prowess of yours)
She won't want any more,
Yes, give her so much of that (Cash Cab or Final Jeopardy trivia knowledge)
She won't want any MORE!!!
I guess you just had to be there!My husband and I actually play all of these games, and watch Jeopardy and Cash Cab (he DVRs Jeopardy), although we haven't tried our LOTR Risk yet--not enough time. This CD is brought to us by Queen Anne's Lace, an acapello singing group that performs at Scarborough Faire and other venues in North Texas. I don't know who wrote the song or if it is even period (i.e. Renaissance or pre-Renaissance) Most of their songs are very lovely, and on Sunday mornings at the Faire their first show is all religious music, including the Swing version of Amazing Grace. Some music is period (Renaissance and before) and some is more contemporary; for example, they do other Swing in addition to church music, such as "Stormy Weather" (although they try not to do this when rain is in the forecast since the show is, of course, outside). Most of their songs are NOT bawdy or only mildly so, and aren't performed at the lives shows for their 5 pm Tart Show, which is mild and only PG compared to Iris and Rose's show ( which is R or worse, especially the 5 pm Train Wreck show with audience participation. Believe me, go to that show and you will hear something shocking you never heard before--a few beers helped. I went with one of R's male friends one time, Drew Timmons, and while I enjoyed the show I was red as a beet!) (R stayed home that day; sick kid).
Queen Anne's Lace does an All Chandler's Wife song show on the last Sunday of the Faire (the very last day being Memorial Day Monday). They sing many versions of the song (about 12 of them) for lots of tips. The little outdoor theatre is full and it is HILARIOUS because of course they do the voices, various gestures, etc. It is much funnier than on the CD, especially when you are hitting about version 18 or 19 and you can't remember when you heard another piece of music other than The Chandler's Wife. Especially when all the quotes are from a movie you haven't seen, because then even though the lines are funny you don't get the reference. My favorite is not on the CD and is the Harry Potter version ("Just because you're 17 doesn't mean you can whip out your wands any time you like!") And they need an All Star Trek version in my opinion ("Captain, you canna change the laws of physics!" "He's Dead, Jim" or "Set your phaser on Stun, " etc.) See, I've about half written one already. Send me other Star Trek lines that have sexual innuendo in them, please. I need to do something in my "spare time."
Signing off for now!
Pleasant Valley Mom
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