Money Makes the World Go Round

So after I explained last week why I am not into diet and exercise right now, I think today I will tackle the subject of money, which "makes the world go 'round" as they say in a really obnoxious song (the tune is stuck in my head right now, worse than the Jonas Brothers!)

Have you noticed how our attitudes toward money have changed? Back in the 80's we wanted everyone to know how much we were spending. Look at my designer handbag. Look at my Ferrari. Of course, some people are still stuck there, but I'm not naming names.

Then in the 90's when we got into the recession, it was all about Value. I was working at JCPenney and we had "Value Right" merchandise (maybe they still do--I don't shop much any more). This was supposed to mean that you got a good value for your money (what it really meant was that the item never went on sale, so if you were an associate you had better buy it on Associate Night.)

We got a lot of towels, jewelery and other Value Right merchandise while I was an associate at Associate Nights. It was our big shopping night of the year, twice a year. I think even my engagement ring is a Value Right product that was purchased on sale at Associate Night!

You think I'm kidding. Well, at least the wedding band came from Montgomery Ward.

The REAL engagement ring is actually a very large 1 caret cubic zirconium from the Texas State Fair, and it has a really big crack in it if you look closely. It was $9in 1993 and no, we didn't notice the crack at first. But lots of people exclaimed over it and told me what a great ring it was. A month later we got the real one (definitely NOT one caret but no one was looking at my ring any more). I still have my REAL engagement ring and I have to decide which kid gets it when I die. Maybe they can sell it on Ebay. It might even bring more than $9 dollars.

But it was good to brag about our new found frugality in the 90's. "I saved 20% on this outfit!" "I clip coupons!" "I got 30% off because I bought 10 of them."

This kind of logic and bragging about what a good deal we have gotten while shopping does not work with my husband. He just says,"How much money would you have saved if you hadn't gone shopping in the first place?"

But even he falls prey to the good deal. He had to do the marketing at WallyWorld on Saturday and the only thing he bought that wasn't on the list was a new drill. It was $20 (regularly $40). Of course, he only has about 12 drills already but "it was such a good DEAL!!!!"

I don't want to hear any crap the next time I come home with clearance merchandise, like the $100 of wrapping paper and Christmas essentials that I got for about $20 at Target on December 26. Or the World Market holiday clearance food that we are still eating (75% off, mind you!)

Now that we are in a full-blown Depression, everyone is bragging about how they are getting out of debt and doing the church financial planning programs and learning how to live on less and so forth. Good for them! And these programs are wonderful if you can stick to a budget and if you don't mind accounting for every dollar all the time. But I'm a freespending lawyer with champagne taste on a beer budget. I'm not a damn accountant. You know, if I'd wanted to be a CPA, then maybe I would have taken some classes in college, you think?

I have a friend who is doing a church financial plan, and she claims that they got out of debt in six months by sticking to the plan. I asked how she did it and she says they cut out a lot of their eating out. If I heard her right, they were spending $200 to $300 per week on groceries and about $500 a month on eating out. Maybe I didn't hear her correctly, but I think anyone could get out of debt if they could eliminate $500 or so of that type of expense level!

Well, that won't work for us. We already cut way down on the eating out nine years ago. We don't eat out more than twice a month and we used to eat out three to four times a week (especially when I was working). We cut down on the eating out when Robert got laid off after 9-11 and was out of work for 7 months or more. We've actually cut it more severely since then (to twice a month down from once a week). I cook. Robert cooks. Sometimes if the kids have eaten and we aren't that hungry, we have a snack and skip meals. Breakfast for dinner is also fun every once in a while.

We also cut out the maid (at least $300 a month) and the yardwork (about $200 a month), and we cut back on Netflix by $30 a month, and we are out there shopping like everyone else for good deals on things like car insurance and Internet service. I cut out all magazine subscriptions and the only subscription we have other than Netflix ($9 a month) is a $15 a month charge from Ancestry.com so Robert can do his geneology research. We cut out the daily newspaper 18 months ago.

I did all my Christmas shopping on line with vendors who did free shipping (or I took advantage of those discounts when they came up). The only in-store shopping we did at Christmas was at Wal-Mart for some decorations to replace things that were broken, and for food. I even bought some food on line (Christmas cookies and Harry and David pears) for gifts and for us. I went to the mall ONE time to take the girls to see Santa and to use a coupon at Bath and Body Works (got $40 of stuff for $18). I made my Christmas cards out of stuff I already had. (OK, I bought a $5 pack of blank cards because I didn't have enough envelopes, and I bought a $35 Cricut cartridge to MAKE the cards with, but who's counting? Not to mention the 3 days of my time, which used to be worth $150 an hour).

(As Robert would say, "how much would you have saved by not going to Bath and Body Works at all?") I suppose next year it will be, "how much could you save by not sending Christmas cards at all?" (Lots of my friends didn't send cards now that we have Facebook).

So I am as virtuous as the next person when it comes to trimming my spending. Did I mention that all my underwear is at least five years old? I got a gift card for my birthday but I am waiting for the right item(s) to come along before I spend it. It's $50 and I had $400 in my on line shopping cart from this store(I'm waiting for the free shipping deal). Oh, wait, I cut some things and now I'm down to $200--trying to decide what $50 item to buy. I would like to get two items but I just can't seem to find anything cheap enough.

Why don't I just go to the store to use the gift card? Because I know I will spend more than the amount of the gift card if I go to the store. Since I only bought one outfit and two t-shirts last year (not counting SCA clothing, fabric, and t shirts of course), my wardrobe is looking a little shabby. But if I do my shopping on line I am not that tempted by other products and I can control my spending a lot better.

My friend the new financial planner claims they only budget $80 a month for eating out. Well, we had one of our rare meals out last night, at a "semi-nice" restaurant, and for the four of us it was $81. So I guess I am already over budget for the month.

Why was it so much? Well, it was supposed to be "kids eat free on Sunday" deal, which was one of the reasons I picked this restaurant. But my kids don't want the kids' meals any more and now that they are 11, I don't blame them. If I was a kid, by the time I got to 11 I don't think I'd ever want to eat chicken nuggets or mac n cheese again as long as I lived.

The restaurant would not give us a credit for the dollar amount of two kids' meals because "our system won't do it" and we were already seated and starving, so we said, what the heck? It's our one nice meal out this month. Kids, get what you want as long as it's not more than $10.

My husband and I each got two drinks, we got an appetizer to split with the family, I got some crab bisque soup (my favorite!) and then my kids wanted to share a soup, etc. etc. We did bring home a goody bag which I will be eating for lunch today.

You get the idea. Our tab ended up at $81 just like that. It was a great meal and I enjoyed it (although I think something was wrong with my husband's because he didn't feel so well last night and I thought he had food poisoning. It was probably just that he's not used to eating restaurant food any more). This was alarming since as usual we independently picked the same entree. Maybe it was the beer. I should rethink that goody bag for lunch, huh?

I did ask my friend what the penalty was if they went over budget for an "allocation" such as their $80 restaurant budget during the month, and she said the penalty was that they had to re-do their whole worksheet and take it from somewhere else.

Now if this system of budgeting and accounting for every penny works for her, I'm happy for her, but it wouldn't work for me. I wouldn't re-do any damn worksheet (especially for $1). I just wouldn't do the damn thing more than once, which has what has happened with every budget that I've ever attempted. I would just have $1 less for the month. I would say that I would just not buy that extra pack of gum or mints, but I never buy gum or mints.

I have a budget. It's in my head. When the shopping cart gets full at WallyWorld and it looks like there's $200 in there, get in line and cut the rest of the list (buy the things you REALLY need first). I gave my husband the list for Saturday. He left off three items that he couldn't find, bought a $20 drill and came in at $217.Not half bad for someone who only buys a big pile of groceries about three times a year.

I have a system for budgeting. It's called Pay Cash. When You Are Out of Cash, You Can't Spend Any Money! I don't have many credit cards any more and I don't use them or carry them except when we travel. They are for emergencies only.

I asked my friend the new financial planner what she does for emergencies and she said, of course, that they now have a "cash fund" I said, "Oh, so you use your debit card if you have an emergency when travelling" and I was told no, only cash. Cash Only. No credit OR debit cards. Too much of a temptation.

Well, maybe that works for her but has she ever tried to rent a car with cash? I haven't but I hear it's a real pain in the butt.

What about if you break your ankle in Arkansas at a horse ranch in the mountains when you are 50 miles from the nearest Wal Mart, and you are on COBRA but you don't know if the COBRA payment has been received or posted? Even though you just sent them a check for $2000? You don't know if you have insurance or not or if you would get reimbursed if you shelled out cash or credit at an Arkansas emergency room. You know you are "out of network." And there's no Internet to check on the COBRA status. And your cell phone isn't working in the mountains and you can't get through on the Benefits hotline. And the only credit or debit card you have with you is supposed to pay for the rest of your trip, so if you use it in the emergency room to get your ankle looked at, you don't have any way to pay the rest of your bill at the vacation resort? Did I mention the non-refundable vacation deposit of $3000? This is why you are on vacation and on COBRA at the same time.

I'm not making this up. This was my Dude Ranch Vacation 2008.

I hope you are rolling on the floor laughing, but at the time I was pretty pissed off, and we were out of painkillers and liquor (Did I mention that civilization was 50 miles away??)

It does seem pretty funny now. Only I could go to a dude ranch in the Ozarks, hike all over the damn place, ride horses, even attempt rock climbing, and then break my ankle on a flat gravel road. It didn't help that I was trying to corral my kids and chase after them when I fell. I said words that no 8 year old should ever hear, right in front of this German woman and her kids. She looked at me with new respect after that.

I now use this as an example for my kids. "Kids, there is never any reason to swear unless you break your ankle or something."

You know what I did to get out of this vacation financial crisis? Sat around with a broken ankle for five days, told everyone it was "just a bad sprain," and went to my local doctor upon my return home to save money. And I didn't even go the first day back, because I couldn't get an appointment until Tuesday! I did laundry and unpacked with my walking stick by my side. My ankle was as big as a tree stump by the time I finally got a cast on it.

Now THAT's frugality.

I dare you to top THAT ONE.

I'm a tough old broad. There's more to me than meets the eye.

By the way, after that debacle I got a new credit card!!!

PleasantValleyMom (whose ankle still hurts in the cold weather)